Mike Tirico Is A Pun Machine

While announcing the Lakers/Jazz playoff game today, Tirico recapped the earlier games of the day. When doing the play-by-play of the Celtics/Hawks Game 7 highlights, Tirico used a pun that should be either be retired or put in the Pun Hall of Fame. He said, “Boston creamed Atlanta 99-65.” I instantly had a visual of the entire Celtics team throwing Boston Cream pies at the Hawks team after their elimination from the playoffs.

If you think that this pun was great, just wait until Tirico unleashes some of the following puns.

“Cleveland steams the Detroit Tigers.”
“University of Pennsylvania dutched Yale University.”
“Buffalo winged the New York Jets.”
“University of California pizza-kitchens Oregon State.”
“Utah mormoned the Houston Rockets.”
“Kansas City barbecues the Cleveland Indians.”
“Cincinnati bowties the Pittsburgh Pirates”
“Chicago deep-dished the Milwaukee Bucks.”
“St. Louis arched over the Chicago Cubs.”
“University of Wisconsin cheesed Penn State.”

More to come…leave a comment

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Song Of The Day – Biffy Clyro (Saturday Superhouse)

I first noticed Biffy Clyro when I was up late about six months ago. I had the television on MTV Hits and they had an hour of MTV2 Hits when “Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies” started to play. The song was amazing and I instantly got the album and it stayed playing on my laptop for many days in a row. I went around telling all my friends about them and still to this day I’m not sure if it is pronounced like “Slyro” or “Klyro.”

They are from the UK and very popular across the pond. On YouTube you can find many videos of them playing major music festivals like Reading Festival. If you have a chance to listen to more Biffy Clyro, I suggest that you do so.

Here is the video for their new video, “Saturday Superhouse.”

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Hats Have Power To Reduce I.Q.

I don’t know what is up with all these hats at the Kentucky Derby. I know it’s a tradition, but the last years have seen it go out of control. I can see if a lady wears a hat that has a large brim and comes out of a scene from “Casablanca.” A glamorous hat that is an homage (I’m using fancy words) to a time of long ago. These people are borderline insane. They look like they need a helmet, we’re not talking about the kind you need to play sports either. I think the guy in the picture below worked on that hat for a year and doesn’t even watch the Derby.I’m not much of an horse racing fan, I don’t know much about it at all. It’s more about gut-feeling with me. You have to trust your gut, right Colbert?The Kentucky Derby usually has a few surprises. The favorite rarely seems to win, but they do well. Colonel John is 5:1, but I don’t see him winning, but he should place. Big Brown is 3:1, but he is at the 20 pole and would have to run nearly perfect to win. I have Pyro (7:1), Visionaire (16:1), and Colonel John finishing in that order. If anyone is in Kentucky, do a boy a favor and throw down 20 on Pyro for me.

Update: Big Brown, Eight Belles, Denis Of Cork is how the finish went down. (Once again, I suck at predicting horse races)

Unfortunately, Eight Belles, who finished second, was injured and he had to be put down after the race. He had multiple fractures in his leg. This kind of thing is why I don’t watch horse racing.

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NBA Remembers That Atlanta Has A Franchise

I can’t remember the last time that I watched an Atlanta Hawks game before these playoffs. I guarantee that Dominique Wilkens and/or Spud Webb were still sporting Hawks jerseys. When did TBS stop airing Atlanta’s games? Almost every game was on TBS, usually right after Atlanta Braves games. I think the point when they stopped airing the games on TBS, I stopped watching the Hawks. To be honest, the only time I remembered that they existed was when they picked the ping-pong balls out for the NBA Lottery.

The Atlanta Hawks are such a young team, but filled with solid college players, except Josh Smith, who went pro from high school. Al Horford, Josh Childress, and Mike Bibby seem to play very well together. No one expected that Atlanta would win one game, let alone force a seventh game. I am liking what I am seeing in this series, the boys are becoming men.I know the NBA are foaming at the mouth for a possible Celtics/Lakers NBA Final, but at the same time, a young, talented, underdog story can be good for the league as well. If Atlanta shocks the world and beats Boston, they may not beat Cleveland, but they are setting themselves up to build on their success this year. Al Horford looks like the real deal and was shafted by not getting Rookie Of The Year. Kevin Durant may have had the point totals, but Horford has had a better well-rounded year and made his team competitive.Somebody wake these guys up! I know they are making some crazy money, but isn’t the post-season the reason these guys wanted to play together? In Game 6, Ray Allen looked nervous, Paul Pierce was hot-headed, and Kevin Garnett was the only one that showed up to win this series. You cannot win an NBA playoff game if the opposing team reaches the free-throw line 20 more times than you. These three guys may be showing people the real reason why neither of them have won an NBA championship, they disappear when it matters.

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Song Of The Day – Blue October (Calling You)

I first heard “Calling You” on the soundtrack for “American Wedding.” I didn’t hear the band again until they released “Hate Me,” and was a pretty big hit for them. Blue October has been a band for awhile, I just didn’t know it. They’ve released three albums, plus a live album, that’s a lot for a band that seemingly has only a couple hits. Major record labels don’t usually stick with a band that long, but they must have seen something in them.

I picked “Calling You” as the Song Of The Day because I used to listen to their albums while writing. The lead singer went through a mental breakdown and much of his material is based off of mental instability and emotional breakdown. Okay, I used to write more in-depth, but now I’m sticking to things that are fun.

If any of my guys out there are ever in a pickle, write down the lyrics to this song in a nice Hallmark card and it should smooth things over for awhile. If the lyrics don’t do the trick, go get some chocolate, son.

Here is a video for Blue October’s “Calling You.

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Kobe Wins MVP, He Jumps A Car To Celebrate

Maybe someone should tell the MVP voters that “car jumping ability” isn’t criteria that should garner Kobe some MVP votes. The LA Times posted on their website that Kobe Bryant will win the MVP award. The Lakers finished 1st in the ultra-competitive Western Conference and averaged over 28 points per game. I wonder if the addition of Pau Gasol made this possible? A big man that can pass out of the post, hmmm, sounds like that’s something that Shaq did.

In the Kobe/Shaq feud, I sided with Shaq. I think Kobe is a great player, but at that time in the league, a big man was important to win an NBA championship. Kobe would be without a ring if Shaq wasn’t on the Lakers. Look at the last few champions? Spurs, Lakers, Pistons, and Heat, they all had big men. I know the Pistons didn’t rely on Ben Wallace on the offensive end, but when you add him with Rasheed Wallace, combined you have a Tim Duncan.

I still think a big man is important, but the teams that are in the playoffs this year, minus the Lakers and Magic, rely on perimeter players. The Magic only uses Dwight Howard as a rebounding/dunk machine, they shoot the most 3-pointers in the league.

My pick for MVP would be Chris Paul. I love the way he plays. He is the battery for the New Orleans Hornets. He gets things going, he is a triple-double threat, and he gets his players involved in the game. If Paul wasn’t on the Hornets, they would be buried in the Western Conference and would be a lottery team. I would bet that Paul ends his career with more MVPs than Kobe.Now that Kobe has won an MVP, you can start the week-long celebration on ESPN and TNT. Kobe needs to be compared to Michael Jordan as much as possible. He already has his lexicon and speech tone down. If he acts enough like MJ, maybe we’ll forget that he likes to get freaky in Colorado.

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Marvin Harrison, A Thug?

I know I will have to update this post when even more information comes out about this shooting involving Marvin Harrison’s gun. Allegedly, a patron of a restaurant that Harrison co-owns came in and the two had a heated argument. Harrison allegedly beat him up with his “ninja fists” and then people shot up the patron’s car. The man had a bullet hit his hand and apparently some young child was cut my flying glass.

I can’t even imagine a story like this coming out about Marvin Harrison. I have been a life-long Colts fan and I honestly can’t even remember a time where Harrison even looked mad on the field, the man barely talks. As a fan, I hope that someone has some facts crossed up. I will update with more information as it comes in.

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Whoopi Goldberg On Knicks Coaching Short-List

Have you ever seen the movie “Eddie,” starring Whoopi Goldberg? A fan coaches the Knicks and they actually win. I know the Knicks actually winning a fiction and a stretch at that, but seems like they are trying to hire people with little or no experience. Mark Jackson and Avery Johnson are the two names that I have heard who are strong contenders for the Knicks job. I can understand why Avery Johnson would be considered, but he showed his inexperience by not being able to control his team this year. The vets on the Mavericks walked all over him and cost him his job.
The talk about Mark Jackson is just insane. How can the team’s play-by-play man, who has no coaching experience, be considered for one of the highest profile coaching jobs in basketball? Jackson was a great player and totally under-rated. Everywhere the man went, his team was a contender. I was a fan of his when he was on the Pacers and once out of every game he would catch fire and do his patented shimmy down the court. I don’t think being a point guard and running the floor equals becoming a great coach. Right Isaiah?I know the Knicks have tried to use a veteran coach with Larry Brown and it ended horribly, but Brown and Thomas clashed. If a veteran coach wants a challenge and isn’t afraid of an epic fail, please coach the Knicks. I’m not even a fan of the Knicks, but I’m tired of hearing about them. Maybe the Knicks should hire an accountant, I know this is probably strange, but get some fiscal responsibility. You can’t give Zach Randolph, Jared Jeffries, Jerome James, and Stephon Marbury enough money for those four players to run their own team. It may take three or four years to get these contracts to run their course, but the Knicks will be competitive again, just don’t hold your breath for next season.

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Dinner With Cris Carter & Terrelle Pryor

Okay, I didn’t actually have dinner with Cris Carter and Terelle Pryor, kind of, but not really. I went to Eddie George’s restaurant here in Columbus called Eddie George’s Grille 27. It’s a pretty nice place to eat, I usually go once a month. The place has a great atmosphere and tons of flat-screen tvs to watch any sporting event. I went the night before the spring game and I know the bartenders since I worked there for a short while (it ended horribly, but they have love for America’s White Boy.) They told me that Cris Carter and Terrelle Pryor were both there. I turned around and there they were. I guess I don’t see too many famous people. I was in awe of Cris Carter, ’cause the man is a soon-to-be Hall of Famer and I liked his work on HBO. We’ll see if he brings the same banter and knowledge to ESPN.

I’m not saying Pryor is famous, but he very well could be in a few years. Pryor has been compared to Vince Young and Michael Vick, since he loves to scramble. Anyways, I think I’m going to keep this story shorter the next time I tell people, maybe people will actually think your boy dined with Carter and Pryor.

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Troy Tulowitzki’s Is On The Shelf

Troy Tulowitzki has a torn tendon in his quad, which seems to be this year’s injury of choice, right A-Rod? Tulowitzki wasn’t producing this year, but has shown flashes of his great play from last season. He was runner-up in the Rookie Of The Year voting and help lead the Rockies into the post-season. He plays bigger than he is, his 24 home-runs in 2007 wasn’t expected, but greatly appreciated. If Ryan Braun didn’t have such a great season last year, people would still be talking about Tulowitzki’s amazing rookie season.

The Rockies aren’t having a good season so far, but they have played a lot against the Diamondbacks and Padres, which could sway their record a little. Also, it seems like every other game Colorado plays goes into extra innings.Colorado expects to get Tulowitzki back after the All-Star break, which could be wishful thinking since quad injuries tend to linger. The Rockies will have Clint Barmes fill in for him at shortstop while he is out. You may remember Barmes by his infamous injury two seasons ago. He tripped while carrying deer meat, he missed the remainder of the season. Watch out for Bambi, Clint!

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Song Of The Day – Dropkick Murphys (I’m Shipping Up To Boston)

I have always been a fan of celtic punk, but when I heard “I’m Shipping Up To Boston,” I gained respect for the Dropkick Murphys. I still like Flogging Molly more, but that’s because I’ve seen them play live more times. I did see the Dropkick Murphys once and it was an experience. It was at the Warped Tour a few years ago and they had a ton of celtic dancers on stage with them and it was one big party. I would like to see an actual show of theirs, since they only played 30 minutes at Warped Tour.

If you’re a fan of Flogging Molly, you will love the Dropkick Murphys. (Chances are if you like one, you’ve heard of the other.)

Here is the video for “I’m Shipping Up To Boston. If you watched the movie “The Departed,” this song was played prominently in the movie.

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Is Robinson Cano Alive?

Robinson Cano is named after the great Jackie Robinson, but currently Cano is batting like Jackie Joyner-Kersee. Cano is currently batting .151 and I haven’t seen any silver-lining at all. He hasn’t even had a good game this season yet, the best game was a pinch-hit homer to win a game. He was benched that game due to his slump. As you all know, I like to talk about my fantasy league team (1st place!). Anyways, Cano was a high draft pick by many and by me. He is a career .300 hitter and has pretty average power with around 20 home runs a season.

I know Cano is a slow-starter, but I really hate that excuse. If a player is known as a slow-starter, why isn’t he playing every spring training game to get his 4-5 at-bats in? Most of the slow-starters don’t like to play in colder weather, I can somewhat understand that, the ball acts differently in cold than it does in warm weather. Cano needs to carry this team now that A-Rod and Posada are out for awhile. If Cano or Melky Cabrera can’t lead this team, the Yankees are going to bury themselves too deep to catch up. I think Cano can get out of this funk, but I don’t see him making the All-Star team this season. He has a lot of work to do if he wants to be mentioned in the same sentence as Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.