Author Archives: Bobby Roberts

10 ESPN Personalities That You Never Want To See In A Peephole Video

Perverts around the world have been attacking Google this week in hopes of find the infamous Erin Andrews nude peephole video. I have already argued my point in a previous post that this is wrong and I hope that they find the person that did it. It was a pretty serious post and I’m not a guy who is very serious. I started thinking about other ESPN personalities who would cause such a frenzy if something like this happened again. It was a short list, but my list of people who should never, ever have a peephole video, was much bigger. Here are 10 ESPN personalities that you never want to see in a nude peephole video.

Jon Miller – He calls the marquee baseball games with Joe Morgan on ESPN. He has a great voice that is made for radio and a not necessarily something that I would want to see on my television. If he ever appeared in a peephole video, please cancel my cable internet.

Holly Rowe – She is a sideline reporter for ESPN. She basically has the same job as Erin Andrews, but she covers the C-list game on ESPN. You can normally see her during the Wyoming vs. Idaho State football games on ESPN2.

Mike Golic – Golic is one-half of the duo on “Mike and Mike In the Morning” on ESPN Radio and appears on NFL Live. I know he has lost 22 pounts on the Nutri-system diet, but he needs to eat less pot roast and more vegetables.

John Clayton – It’s hard to believe, but he is a football guy at ESPN. The angle in the picture is about the only angle that you get to see him at. My theory is that he is actually a 2-D figure. Dan Patrick, formerly of ESPN, jokes around that he has a pony-tail. I kind of hope that is true and if that is the case, is that a sign of Armageddon? If John Clayton was in a peephole video, it would probably look like a 8-bit Nintendo game.

Chris Berman – His voice is one of the most recognizable voices in sports television. He also has one of the best comb-overs in the entire industry. If Berman had a peephole video, I would envision that he would end up doing the play-by-play of it. He could even give his “boys” some sort of nickname that would reference some late 70’s funk band. The picture above is about all the nation can endure of Berman’s body.

Dana Jacobson – She might be best known for her drunken appearance at the Mike & Mike roast awhile back. She also hosts ESPN’s “First Take” in the morning, I don’t watch that show much since I can’t stand her or Skip Bayless. Jacobson looks like a mix between Chyna and Cybill Shepherd, and I’m not a fan of either. I guess I would rather see a Skip Bayless video more than one of her, what does this say about me? Yikes, what a scary thought.

Bob Ley – He has been with ESPN since the beginning and he looks nearly identical from when he started. I think he looks a bit like Peter Griffin, if he was a real person. I wouldn’t want a Bob Ley peephole video, because I fear that he would do a 10-piece “Outside The Line” feature about it. I would not want to see that on a loop for any period of time.

John Kruk – I could do with the easy joke here and but I can’t, too simple. Kruk appears on “Baseball Tonight” and his analysis goes in slumps and so does his hair (I had to throw that in there, Sports Hernia). I would expect Kruk to had random crumbs of Doritos spread all around his body. His skin could be permanently dyed orange from the nacho cheese flavoring.

Mike Ditka – Mike Ditka was a great coach, but now he’s a football analyst for ESPN. He can go off on tangents that never lead you to anywhere, much like this blog. A Ditka peephole video would do well in Chicago, but not so much in New Orleans. I would think that he still has his Bears v-neck on at all times, so maybe the video wouldn’t be too revealing.

Tony Kornheiser – He is one of the hosts of “Pardon The Interruption” on ESPN. He was also in the booth during “Monday Night Football,” but that experiment ended when he didn’t want to do it anymore, or so he wants us to believe. A peephole video for Kornheiser would be awful and I would put odds that he is either wearing a hat or holding up one of those faces on a stick. Scratch that, he would probably be doing the penguin dance.

There is my list, for some reason Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd didn’t make the list. I can’t explain that, but hopefully one of these guys gets the bump from ESPN and they make the top 10. Any other ESPN personalities that should make the list?

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Buehrle’s Perfect Game Puts Pressure On Cubs

Mark Buehrle has been a workhorse for the Chicago White Sox. He is a feast or famine type of pitcher, but when he has his control, the guy is non-stop. The White Sox are now tied for the AL Central lead with the Tigers, but the momentum is on their side. On the other side of town, the Cubs are struggling to score runs and put together a consistent line-up card. Buehrle’s perfect game has put added pressure on the Cubs to make a move. The White Sox and the Cubs aren’t in the same league, but they always feel the heat when the other team is controlling the headlines. When you add in that St. Louis is trying to get Roy Halladay from Toronto and Matt Holliday from Oakland, the North Side of Chicago is starting to feel like a sauna.

The Cubs need a few more pieces to compete in the NL Central. They only have the salary flexibility to add a middle reliever. There are rumors that they are trying to pry away Freddy Sanchez from Pittsburgh and George Sherrill from Baltimore. I’m okay with acquiring Sanchez, since he is a consistent .300 hitter and can get on base. I am not okay with acquiring Sherrill. If they get the Baltimore reliever, the Cubs would have three former closers in charge of the 7th, 8th, and 9th innings. That normally would be a good thing, but it seems like the only club that the Cubs trade with is Baltimore. Andy MacPhail, Baltimore’s president of baseball operations, used to be the president of the Chicago Cubs. He was GM Jim Hendry’s boss in Chicago and they seem to be buddies. I am okay with having friends on other teams, but Hendry needs to call a few different numbers. Unless they want to trade us Brian Roberts or Adam Jones, don’t answer the phone with MacPhail calls you. Sherrill would be a better option than Chad Qualls or Juan Cruz, but I just don’t like how the Cubs conduct business with Baltimore.

If Milwaukee or St. Louis get Roy Halladay, I’m throwing in the towel as a Cubs fan. The Brewers obtained C.C. Sabathia last season and they could barely hold them off. This season, every team, except the Pirates, are in this race and we won’t be able to keep pace with everyone. The Chicago Tribune really screwed the Cubs over. The newspaper business has been in the toilet for the last decade and they should have sold off the club years ago. The uncertainty of the owner situation, made the Cubs stagnant this off-season. They had to trade away Mark DeRosa for table scraps and it barely saved them any money. They have had to rely on picking up guys like Ryan Freel and Jeff Baker on the cheap, just to fill out the batting order. I am not even going to discuss the Cardinals possibly getting Matt Holliday from Oakland for Brett Wallace. I am just praying that that doesn’t happen. They will only have him for the rest of the season, but this season could be won before the July 31st trade deadline. Unfortunately for the Cubs, they will be doing very little.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Tim Tebow Is A Virgin

If anyone is shocked that Tebow is a virgin, I have some land to sell you. He is a devout Christian and off the field, he has the manners of a nobleman. During the SEC Media Day, a random reporter shouted out the question, “Are you a virgin?” and Tebow responded with “Yes, I am.” He chuckled initially, but are you surprised? He wants to be a preacher and has the charm to be a politician. He was on the Dan Patrick Show earlier today and he said “Sir” after every answer. He goes on mission trip to help circumcise 3rd-world children, he’s like Mother Teresa with shoulder pads. Continue reading →

Lebron Gets Dunked On…Doesn’t Live Up To Hype

eBaum Nation has just released a high-quality video of Lebron getting dunked on by Xavier’s Jordan Crawford. The video’s quality appears to be much better than was is going to be released on TMZ today. I was expecting a crazy “Vince Carter jumping over Fredric Weis” type of dunk, but it doesn’t live up to the hype. I have seen better dunks on NBA Live 95 on Sega Genesis. Here is the link to the video of the dunk, courtesy of eBaum Nation. (I would have embedded the video, but the format made my entire page right adjusted). Enjoy!

High Quality video of Lebron Getting Dunked On By Jordan Crawford

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Glenn Beck Is A Douche

I usually shy away from politics on this blog. It’s not because I don’t have an opinion, but it’s a sticky subject that is usually never funny. My roommate was watching Fox News tonight and I saw video of Glenn Beck freaking the hell out.

Here is the video

The freak out starts around the 1:30 mark and it just escalates to a crazy level. He uses the crazy girlfriend level of “whomever is the loudest and uses the highest pitch in an argument, they win” tactic.

I really dislike Glenn Beck. I used to listen to his radio show during my lunch break at work, mostly because I had a hard time listening to “The Common Man & The Torg Mid-Day Show” on the local ESPN Radio affiliate here in Columbus. Everyone should listen to opinions that aren’t there own, just to see what the other side is mad about. I think Beck is just a douche. His climb to syndication radio is just as crazy. He is a high school graduate (he took a few classes at Yale, but never graduated) and he was a drug addict/alcoholic. He quit the booze and drugs, joined AA, and became a Mormon. He is now on Fox News and you can usually catch him yelling at loud levels and/or crying almost daily. I would like to see a decibel contest between Stephen A. Smith and Glenn Beck. Quite Frankly, I believe Stephen A. would probably still win, but I would bet that everyone would watch that contest on television, on mute.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Erin Andrews Video Photos Turns NY Post Writer Into A Virgin Blogger

The NY Post turned into a poor man’s blog today. They wrote a story that publicized the pervert that took pictures of Erin Andrews’ naked in a hotel room. I will not put a link to their story on my blog, since they did an insufficient job at writing the story and with censoring the photos. The photos, which are blurry and crude, have black boxes over areas that they couldn’t print due to nudity. One of the photos, a full body shot, is so poorly censored that you could clearly see her backside, since the black box is a small, thin box that censors very little.

I know the NY Post isn’t exactly the Wall Street Journal, but they should be held to higher standards. They clearly look at Google Trends and realize that the terms “Erin Andrews” and “Aaron Andrews” (a misspelling of her name) were both the top trends at one point yesterday and most of the weekend. I am guessing that the writer, Andy Soltis, who works for the Post Wire Service, went to journalism school. I don’t want to put down bloggers, since I am one and a lot of my collegues are great people, but The Post is acting like a blog who’s fishing for hits. “The Erin Andrews Rule” is when you post something about her, you will see a little spike in traffic. Nearly every major sports blog or “pretty girl blog” has a post just declaring how beautiful she is. The posts usually contains pictures of her on the sideline from curious point-of-views.

I am a writer who took many journalism classes in college. I know a little more than the basics when it comes to decent journalism practices. I understand that this is turning into a major story and once it becomes something that your readers want to know about, you must inform the readers. I don’t have a problem with them writing a story about the photos, but publishing them they way that they did, was distasteful.

I think everyone who write for a blog would one day like to write for a major print publication or be in some other media. The NY Post makes me never want to read a newspaper again. I feel sorry for Erin Andrews and her family, she seems like a nice lady who just wants to do her job. I will never subjugate her as a sex symbol on my blog, I feel that she has already went through enough.

The NY Post should be ashamed and I hope that anyone who is upset about the photos being published will cancel their subscription. I hope this story goes away and whomever took the video/photos is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Jay Bruce – The Next Dunn or Kearns?

Jay Bruce was the most heralded prospect for the Reds since Pete Rose. The hoopla that surrounded him last season when he was called up was phenomenal. He tore up pitching the first two weeks into the league before cooling off and hitting a little rookie wall towards the end of the season. Before this season, I drafted Bruce in nearly every fantasy baseball league that I am in. He has hit 18 homers so far in 2009, but his average has been hovering around .200 for most of the season. While fielding a ball in the outfield, Bruce broke his wrist and is likely out for 6-8 weeks, nearly most of the rest of the season. I have analyzed Bruce’s stats at the beginning of his career. When he was called up, comparisons of Rose, Bench, and Morgan were there, but so far he has not lived up to the hype. Would a comparison to ex-Reds Adam Dunn or Austin Kearns be more reasonable?

Bruce is a much better fielder than both Dunn and Kearns, so the comparison is clearly based on his ability at the plate. We all know that they both hit home-runs out of Great American Ballpark at an alarming rate early in their careers, but it is a hitter’s ballpark. Dunn’s minor league numbers translated similar into the pros, since he hit homers, walked a lot, but struck out at a high-rate. Austin Kearns spent three season in the minors, but clearly didn’t have the home run totals that Dunn put up at the high minor league level. He hit at a better average and didn’t strike out as much. Dunn and Kearns are different hitters when it comes to their splits stats when facing LHP vs. RHP. Dunn can hit for power against both lefties and righties, but Kearns did not have any power when facing southpaws.

Jay Bruce has similaries to both Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns early in their careers. Bruce is similar to Austin Kearns, because he has no power against LHP and he does not have a high strikeout rate. Bruce’s similarities to Dunn relates to batting average and power. Dunn swings for the fences with every at-bat, Bruces swings for the fences, but not as much. Bruce has not shown the ability to hit for average in his minor league career and doesn’t look like he will be winning any batting average during his career. He could end up with a career batting average similar to Dunn, but Bruce has more speed than Dunn ever had in his career.

My final analysis is that Bruce’s future is still to be determined. His 2009 season is forgettable and has had a bad luck. I’m not completely referring to his wrist injury, but his BABIP (Batting Average for Balls In Play) is one of the lowest in the league. He has not had the lucky bounces that other players have received this year. I would say that he looks to be more like Adam Dunn at this point in his career, but he could still be a more complete player in the long-term. “Bruce Almighty” may have all the fans in Cincinnati worried right now, but they still need a lot of pieces before the Reds are fending for the NL Central crown. Let’s just hope that in five year’s time, Bruce isn’t playing for the Washington Nationals like Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

I Want! – 3-D Topps Baseball Cards

I have probably 100,000 baseball cards at my parents house, but they didn’t make the trip with me to Ohio. I spent every dime that I had buying pack after pack, in hopes of finding my favorite players and/or a pricey rookie card that I could trade for something else that I wanted, or more packs. I collected from the time that I was 5-years old until I was about 15 or 16. About that time, most kids snap out of spending all their money on baseball cards and spend it on gas money or going on dates. I still buy a pack or two every 6-months, but nothing like when I was younger. The Topps Baseball Card Company are introducing 3-D baseball cards, it could very well get me back into buying baseball cards once again.

Topps was one of the first major players in the baseball card industry. They have been around since the 1950s and have helped keep kids interested in baseball. The stats on the back of the cards have helped bring baseball to life, but now with Topps 3-D Live, it could change the industry.

If you hold a special Topps 3D Live baseball card in front of a webcam, you will see a three-dimensional avatar of the player on the computer screen. Rotate the card, and the figure rotates in full perspective. It’s called “augmented reality,” a combination of a real image with a virtual one. Here is a video of how it will look.

The baseball card industry is struggling in the age of the Internet. Today’s collectors, most of whom are still boys, can just as easily and less expensively find the sports facts they want online. The New York Times reported that the industry once had revenue of a $1 billion a year, but the market for sports trading cards has shrunk to $200 million. These facts are according to information provided by Major League Baseball Properties in a recent lawsuit against a former card licensee. (The players’ association licenses the right to use players’ likenesses.)

Michael Eisner, the former chief of Walt Disney, had a plan to help rebuild the industry. In 2007 his Tornante Company and Madison Dearborn Partners bought Topps for $385 million. Total Immersion, a French company, brought Topps the augmented reality technology. It has already been used in a theme park and for some auto design work. Using the technology, card collectors see a three-dimensional version of a player and can play elementary pitching, batting and catching games using the computer keyboard.

Mr. Eisner has also created Back on Topps, a 17-episode Internet comedy that spoofs his acquisition of the company. He is developing a movie based on another of the company’s products, Bazooka Joe bubble gum. He also wants to create sports films. It appears that he wants to make Topps into a multimedia corporation, similar, yet different to what Disney was when he was in charge. If you spread out the company into different media areas, the chances of future development and consistency are greater. The Topps 3D Live cards are a natural extension of the brand.

If you’re interested in purchasing some Topps 3-D Live baseball cards, they are affordable. Series 1 cards will cost $2 for a 12-pack while a $1 pack will contain five cards.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Play Ball! – 2nd Half Predictions

Now that the All-Star game is over and all the “drama” that surrounds the event is in the books, the baseball races and trade rumors will start to heat up. It seems that at least 20 teams are still in their division races and weird things could happen. The trade deadline is July 31st and most teams will wait until a few days before that date to assess their team’s chances of making the post-season. A lot of stuff will happen this off-season and since this blog loves speculation and opinionated banter, here are some of my predictions of what will happen in the 2nd-half this season.

– Mark DeRosa will bat under .200 for the rest of the season with the Cardinals.

– Albert Pujols will hit 60 homers this year.

– The Cubs will end up with 90 wins this season, but will not win the NL Central.

– Freddy Sanchez will be trade to the Cubs for Sean Marshall

– Joe Mauer will only hit 4 more homers the rest of the season.

– The Detroit Tigers will win the AL Central

– Matt Wieters will hit over .300 and hit 12 homers in the 2nd-half.

– Eric Wedge will be fired by Labor Day.

– Boston will edge out the Yankees in the AL East, but New York will win the Wild Card race.

– Jerry Manuel will be fired after the last day of the season.

– The full list of failed steroid tests will be leaked during the playoffs, thus putting the actual product on the field out of the spotlight.

– The Phillies will land Roy Halladay in a trade for Kyle Drabek and two other prospects.

– Pedro Martinez will have an ERA over 5.00 and will make less than 8 starts for Philadelphia.

– Tim Hudson will come back at the end of the season and win 4 games.

– Stephan Strasburg will sign with the Washington Nationals by September 15th.

– Raul Ibanez will hit 55 homers this season.

– Jimmy Rollins will hit under .210 in the 2nd half this year.

– Alex Rodriguez will hit 35+ homers, but his average will be below .245

– C.C. Sabathia will lead the AL in innings and win 20 games.

– Carlos Quentin will come off the DL and hit 10 homers the last 2 months of the season.

– Jason Schmidt will only make two starts for the Dodgers and end the season on the DL.

– Texas will win the AL West and make it to the ALCS.

– Tommy Hanson will edge out Colby Rasmus for the NL Rookie Of The Year

– Rick Porcello will have an ERA over 4.50 in the second half.

– The Mets will become sellers by July 31st.
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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Idolizing – Chuck Klosterman (Again!)

About a year ago, I wrote a post in my “Idolizing” series about Chuck Klosterman. I was in awe of his first effort of writing a novel called “Downtown Owl.” I thought the book was great and I even bought an advanced copy on eBay for nearly 30 dollars a few months before it was released. The book didn’t sell a lot of copies, but he still feels like he accomplished something that he wanted to do. He has been on record that he had promised his publisher a few more essay books like “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs” as a trade off that they would release one of his fiction works. Continue reading →

Support Your Local Blogger

I have been a busy guy lately. I have been completely bogged down at my work and I’ve picked up a couple writing jobs on the side. I need 30 hours in a day and I would be fine. If I had that amount of time, maybe I could actually spend time with my girlfriend and stop ignoring my gym membership.

Here are some cool blog links:

Pacers Sign A Guy Who Doesn’t Look Like John Mayer [Pacers Place]

Blue Jackets Use Their Farm System…For A Broadcaster [Stingers On Ice]

Jay Mariotti Is A Douche [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Colin Cowherd Is Also A Douche [The Big Lead]

Ron Artest Is F#@&ing Crazy [The Sports Hernia]

Obama and Sarkozy Can Spot Good Talent [Tasty Booze]

I Want This Cooler/Bag [On 205th]

I Want To See Bruno [Gunaxin]

R.I.P. Oscar Meyer [H8torade]

Erin Andrews Has A Chin Of Steel [Busted Coverage]

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Mark DeRosa’s Wrist Hates St. Louis

I can finally write about Mark DeRosa again. I wrote a post about a week ago and I banned him and his hot wife (Heidi Miller DeRosa) from this blog. DeRosa injured himself late last week and it looks like he tore his tendon sheath and will be out for quite some time. I shouldn’t be happy about someone’s misfortune, I’m not, but as everyone knows, I’m a Cubs fan. I am happy that the Cardinals will be down a hitter when they play this weekend, but I am a fan of DeRosa and his time in Chicago.

DeRosa’s injury can be an ugly one. To put his injury in perspective, David Ortiz had the same injury last year and he was out about 7 weeks. That doesn’t seem like long of time, but his power and bat speed took about a whole calendar year to come back. Wrists injuries are scary things and very unpredictable how the player will bounce back. Derrek Lee and Nomar Garciaparra both had nasty wrist injuries, Lee bounced back in about a year and Nomar never really did. I wish DeRosa the best and I hope he signs with a team this off-season that is either the Cubs or not in the NL Central.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.