Brad Penny Is The Man, Plus He Hit An Umpire In The Face

I was watching Sportscenter a few days ago and I witnessed something that scared me, but it made me laugh. Brad Penny threw a 96mph fastball and it hit the umpire square in the chin. The upmire, Kerwin Danley, is an old guy and I can only imagine how much that hurt, but the way it happened was such a lazy mess. Russell Martin, the catcher and Whiteboy’s starting catcher on his fantasy team, just threw up his mitt to catch the ball so slow and lazy that he just clearly missed it. Now I’ve seen Penny’s fastball, a couple seasons ago he smoked Ichiro, Jeter, and Big Papi, 1-2-3, in the first inning of an All-Star game with stuff that clocked around 100mph. Luckily the umpire appears to be doing okay, but c’mon Martin, you’re making my fantasy team look bad. Next year I should get a few roto points for knocking an umpire out.If you really want to blame Penny for this, you can’t. The man is dating Eliza Dushku. Really?! Take a look at Penny, he is seriously 50lbs. and a cut-off shirt away from looking like Larry The Cable Guy. I can’t hate the man, I don’t want to take a fastball to the melon.

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Roger, You Sly Dog!

The New York Daily News ran with a story today that Roger Clemens had a 10-year affair with country singer Mindy McCready. When I first heard this, I was like, “Way to go, Rocket!,” but then news came out that she was only 15 when they started their relationship. Ouch! That isn’t even legal in Indiana or Kentucky, son.

McCready used to be a smokin’ hot country singer with a promising career. I mean, she was even engaged to Dean Cain…back during his “Adventures Of Superman” days, not his “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not” days.Look at her, she was beautiful…I say “was” because since her Dean Cain relationship went south, she has had run-ins with the law and her career tanked. I googled some images of her to use in this post and there are a few very disturbing looking mugshot photos of her that was taken not too long ago. You would think that Clemens would have hooked her up with some of that HGH, I hear it has age-defying characteristics, I mean his wife looks pretty bangin’.

Roger, I really think you should take more pictures like this, maybe the public will like you again. No one can turn down a good “thumbs up.”

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Song Of The Day – The Promise Ring (Stop Playing Guitar)

I picked this song of the day ’cause I have been reading a book by Andy Greenwald called “Nothing Feels Good.” The title of the book was taken from The Promise Ring album of the same name. The Promise Ring was one of those bands that kind of slipped through the cracks of the mid-late 90s emo movement. If you ask any pop punk/emo group that made it big around 2000 or after they will probably credit The Promise Ring as an influence.

“Stop Playing Guitar” was on the “Wood/Water” album that came out in 2002. At that same time, Jimmy Eat World was blowing up with “Bleed American” and The Promise Ring was officially under the radar once again. I think “Wood/Water” is an excellent album, even though the material is more sad than earlier albums, I think it is their best work.

In this post you have learned two things.
1. I read books
2. I cry a lot (hence the emo knowledge)

Here’s the video for “Stop Playing Guitar”

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The White Boy Mock NFL Draft – 2008 Edition

I am going to do my best Mel Kiper impersonation, but I will not replicate the hairstyle, that thing is pretty brutal. I’m more of a fan of Todd McShay than Kiper Jr. anyways. McShay has been going toe-to-toe with him for a couple months now. If Matt Ryan goes #3 to Atlanta, look for McShay to punch Kiper Jr. straight in the mug.

Before I start, I will like to state the two moments when Mel Kiper Jr. was extremely wrong. He never talks about them, ‘cause he would lose nearly all credibility. They both involve the Colts picks. The Colts picked Marshall Faulk over Trent Dilfer and Kiper Jr. blew a fuse on camera. An executive actually went on air and said that he didn’t care at all what Kiper Jr. thought about their pick. The next incident happened a few years later when the Colts selected Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf. Kiper Jr. didn’t think it was the right choice for the team, even though I just saw an ESPN commercial that stated that Manning was Kiper Jr.’s #1 rated QB that year….I smell bullshit, son.

Here is my first round mock draft.

1. Miami – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
2. St. Louis – Glen Dorsey, DT, LSU
3. Atlanta – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
4. Oakland – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
5. Kansas City – Vernon Gholston, DE/LB, Ohio State
6. New York Jets – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
7. New England – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
8. Baltimore – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
9. Cincinnati – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, Tennessee State
10. New Orleans – Aqib Talib, DB, Kansas
11. Buffalo – Jeff Otah, OT, Pittsburgh
12. Denver – Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
13. Carolina – Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
14. Chicago – Justin King, DB, Penn State
15. Detroit – Sam Baker, OT, USC
16. Arizona – Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida State
17. Kansas City – Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
18. Houston – DeSean Jackson, WR/KR, California
19. Philadelphia – Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma
20. Tampa Bay – Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
21. Washington – Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
22. Dallas – Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
23. Pittsburgh – James Hardy, WR, Indiana
24. Tennessee – Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee
25. Seattle – Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
26. Jacksonville – Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
27. San Diego – Keith Rivers, OLB, USC
28. Dallas – Branden Albert, OG/OT, Virginia
29. San Francisco – Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
30. Green Bay – Calais Campbell, DE, Miami
31. New York Giants – Dan Connor, LB, Penn State

There are still a few guys out there that I wasn’t sure where to put them, ‘cause their need isn’t there. I would have really liked to put Fred Davis, Early Doucet, Dustin Keller, or Brandon Flowers at the end of the first round, but I wasn’t sure if there was a need for their positions.

My argument about my own mock draft is that I don’t think Oakland should pick McFadden. Justin Fargas and Michael Bush should do a great job in their backfield. A pick of Ryan Clady would make a lot of sense, since their O-Line is pretty weak. They could end up trading McFadden to a team for help in other areas or future draft picks. I think Jerry Jones would love to get him, who knows what kind of package he will throw at Al Davis if the Raiders pick McFadden. Also, I think the Chiefs could pick Chris Long with the #4 pick, but I think they need a solid pass rusher since they just traded Allen yesterday for some draft picks. Vernon Gholston would be a better fit to start right away, he did smoke Jake Long in last year’s OSU/Michigan game a few times.

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Song Of The Day – Justin Nozuka (After Tonight)

I hate to admit it, but I watch VH1 sometimes late at night. It is a pretty bad choice, but sometimes it is the only channel that is showing something new at 4am, which is usually a couple hour block of music videos. I was up pretty late a few nights ago and a “You Ought To Know” artist video was about to come on and it was Justin Nozuka’s “After Tonight.” I sat there during the whole video and I really liked what I watched/viewed.

From what I know about the guy, he’s 18 and sounds a lot like Jack Johnson/Matt Costa. I think he should sell quite a few albums since the chill/acoustic/surfer jam music has been doing well the last couple years. I think everyone should check out this song and make an opinion for yourself…or just trust mine and say you like him, that would work.

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Indiana Time

Hey Everyone, I’m going to be in Indiana for a couple days, so I don’t know how much I will be able to post. (Parents have a 56k connection, yikes!)

While I am gone, please remember to wrap it up, son.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Happy 4-20 Day

I just wanted to wish a Happy 4-20 Day to everyone that enjoys the illegal plant. I would like to wish a special 4-20 Day for Ricky Williams and Michael Vick. They should be on the Mount Rushmore of pro athletes would smoke the ganja. Sadly Mr. Vick or Inmate 34534546, cannot participate in this year’s festivities. I guess Ricky can’t either since he is getting drug screened everyday in-between his Cocoa Puffs and Lunch. Well, maybe next year guys, keep up hope.

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Song Of The Day – Flobots (Handlebars)

A friend of mine messaged me a few months about this band called the “Flobots.” She just went to a concert and she was all pumped that she got to see them. With me being a person that thrives on his music knowledge, I never heard of them and I was intrigued. She sent me a song off of their album called “Handlebars.” I have to admit that I didn’t give the Flobots much dap when I first listened to them. They were just “okay” to me, but the song kept creeping into my playlist and I started to really like it.

With this newfound enjoyment of “Flobots,” I started finding out more and more about the band. They were recently signed to a major label, which is good news for you guys ’cause you will be hearing more from them in the near future.

What is their sound, you ask? I would say that it is a mix between Atmosphere and Cake. I only say Cake ’cause the lead singer’s voice sounds like John McCrea’s, but they have a violin and trumpet in the band. The Atmosphere comparison comes from his lyrics. He spits them out very angry in some songs, but it doesn’t overpower you enough that you would be turned off.

Check out Flobots – “Handlebars”

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Rockies/Padres Game Will Never End

Okay, I may be stretching it a bit, but the Rockies/Padres game lasted 22 innings. The game lasted over 6 hours and I bet these guys are dreading the game tomorrow. Petco Park, the home of the San Diego Padres, is just a huge place to play. If you get two teams with good pitching, you are setting yourself up for games like this. Each team had over 70 at-bats, but only around eleven hits each. I have Todd Helton on my fantasy team and he alone killed my batting average for the day since he was 1 for 9. The starting pitchers tomorrow will have to nearly go the distance if these teams want to make it through the next few games. This was the last game of the series and Colorado has to travel to start a series with Houston tomorrow.

Jake Peavy pitched a marvelous game, which is to be expected, but it wasn’t good enough. The sluggish Padres offense killed him once again. If Peavy wants to end his career with 300 wins, he will need to go to a team that puts up more than 2 or 3 runs a game.

This game ended on a RBI double by Troy Tulowitzki. Hopefully this will catapult him out of his sluggish start and get the Rockies back to their winning ways. If the Rockies don’t start winning games, they will once again need an amazing finish to the season to make the post-season, since the Diamondbacks look to already be in mid-season form.

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Song Of The Day – Von Iva (La La)

Von Iva is an all-girl new-wave/dance band from San Francisco, CA. The only reason that I heard of this group is the fact that they played a dump in Fort Wayne, IN called “The Brass Rail.” “The Rail” as it’s called, is a place where degenerates and “ligkids” call home. I call these people degenerates out of love, ’cause most of my friends go there often. Anyways, there is a local station that played the song “La La” on the radio every once in awhile. This all had taken place about 2 years ago, but the other day I turned on the radio station here in Columbus, OH and “La La” is on the radio here now. Von Iva is getting bigger and amassing a large fanbase. I think the song is pretty catchy and the ladies, who have a Bettie Page feel to them, are nice to look at.

I don’t know if they are on a label now, but I am guessing that some sort of label, indie or major, have courted them by now. I’m sure wherever you’re at, you will eventually hear this song on your local radio station.

Here is the video for “La La.”

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The Midwest Is The Most Sexually Satisfied

Men’s Health magazine just came out with a survey that may surprise you. They polled to find out what city in America is the most sexually satisfied. Indianapolis, Indiana came in #1, with Columbus, Ohio #2, and Fort Wayne, Indiana in at #3. You know this makes America’s White Boy feel good, really good. As you may know, I’m an Indiana boy. I lived in Fort Wayne for a few years and I recently moved to Columbus, OH. I have been searching for reasons why this was a good move and I think Men’s Health helped me justify my move.

Men’s Health has been brutal towards Fort Wayne in the past and the results in this poll is surprising for that reason. They named Fort Wayne the “Fattest City,” due to the amount of fast food restaurants per capita and also the “Dumbest City,” for the amount of jobs that do not require a college degree. I can agree with the “Fattest City” part, not against my Fort Wayne ladies, but there are a few out there that would consider to be on the chubby end of the pie chart.

Columbus can thank me later for my migration to this wonderful city, I’m sure it made being #2 possible. Columbus is used to be being #2, Ohio State in men’s basketball and football, at least a Florida city wasn’t #1.

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Barack Obama Can Ball

I may have seen something that has the most racial stereotypes per minute. I just watched HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel and they had a piece on Barack Obama and his love of basketball. I can wait for next week when Gumbel covers Obama’s love of ribs and chicken. I don’t understand the direction of this piece at all. They apparently filmed it a week before Obama’s gutter-filled bowling experience. Gumbel even uses the phrase “Obama’s jones for basketball,” is he trying out for the And1 basketball tour?

You need to watch this clip from the show. Apparently when Obama was a high school student in Hawaii, kids called him “Barry The Bomber,” since he had a sweet jumper.

Being “America’s White Boy,” I was very uncomfortable for a good portion of the clip. I think they are trying to paint Obama as a black man who has similar interests as other black men in America, even if he speaks more eloquently than Mr. Feeny from “Boy Meets World.”Here is Part 1 of the Barack Obama “I can play basketball too” clip. Part 2 is also on YouTube if anyone is interested.

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