Category Archives: Features

2010 Men’s College Basketball – All-Name Team

Not everyone can have the last name ‘Jordan’ or ‘Chamberlain’, some of us have to go through life with a pretty ridiculous name. Most of these names are pretty rough to grow up with, but some are names you wish you may have, especially if you are named something bland like Joe Smith or Bobby Roberts. We had a few players graduate and are not on this year’s All-Name Team, but we do have many new faces, which we will enjoy for the next few years.

Once again the smaller schools have stepped up their game and are well-represented on the team. The bigger conferences really need to step it up and start recruiting some soon-to-be household names. The Syracuse Orange did have three players make the list, Jim Boeheim knows how to recruit!

Jimmer Fredette – G – BYU Cougars
Blondy Baruti – F – Tulsa Golden Hurricane
Deverin Muff – F – Eastern Kentucky Colonels
A.J. Yawn – G – Florida State Seminoles
Andrew Dick – G – Texas Longhorns
Bak Bak – F – California Golden Bears
Robo Kreps – G – Illinois-Chicago Flames
Ryan Bacon – F – St. Peter’s Peacocks
Ted Wang – C – Texas A&M-CC
Beloved Rogers – G – Prairie View A&M Panthers
Brendan Bald – G – Vermont Catamounts
Hippolyte Tsafack – F – Memphis Tigers
Scootie Randall – F – Temple Owls
Jihad Ali – G – Georgia State Panthers
Dinko Marshavelski – F – Northeastern Huskies
Papa Lo – F – Bryant University
Drake U’u – G – Cal Poly Mustangs
Casper ware – G – Long Beach State 49ers
Tripp Grooms – C – Citadel Bulldogs
Onochie Ochie – G – Southeastern Louisiana Lions
Pooh Williams – G – Utah State Aggies
Scoop Jardine – G – Syracuse Orange
Mookie Jones – F – Syracuse Orange
Fab Melo – C – Syracuse Orange
Storm Stanley – C – St. Francis (PA) Red Flash
Pawal Kielbasa – C – Chicago State Cougars
Zimmy Nwogbo – F – Charleston Southern Buccaneers
Gorkem Sonmez – G – Radford Highlanders
Billy Kidd – F – Delaware Fightin Blue Hens

Let me know if you have any other additions to this list.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Re-Do – 2007 NBA Draft

You can’t really judge any professional sports draft until after three years. I have done “NBA Draft Re-Do” posts since the 2005 Draft and they are always eye-opening. When you start to weed out the busts and players that never achieve their potential due to injury, sometimes you’re left with mixed bag. This year was not different, luckily I didn’t have to add Josh McRoberts as a potential NBA Lottery pick, that would have been ugly. Does Greg Oden even make the cut? Here is my 2007 NBA Draft Lottery, if the draft were held today.

After taking out guys like Brendan Wright, Acie Law, Spencer Hawes, and Yi Jianlian from the draft, after pick #6, it starts to get ugly, you have been warned. Continue reading →

35 Snarky Reasons To Watch Every Bowl Game

There are 35 college football bowl games this season and to be honest, not all of them are worth watching. I do my best, or worst, to try and convince everyone to tune into every bowl game this season. I use cheerleader quality, famous alumni, Justin Bieber lookalikes, and Hawaiian shirts to coax you. Also, I added a picture of the USC song girls, just because you know you will miss them this bowl season.

New Mexico Bowl: December 18th: BYU vs. UTEP – This game is hard to promote. Jenn Brown is the sideline reporter and it could be funny to hear her try to attempt to pronounce BYU’s Kalama Kaluhiokalani.

uDrove Humanitarian Bowl: December 18th: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State – NIU’s head coach left to coach Minnesota and Fresno State was destroyed the last time they played on the blue turf. I suggest drinking until the blue turf starts to look like a lake and you think you’re watching a water polo match.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: December 18th: Ohio vs. Troy – Justin Bieber plays wide receiver for Troy.

Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl: December 21st: Southern Mississippi vs. Louisville – Man Law #345 – If a bowl game is sponsored by meat, you must watch.

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: December 22nd: Utah vs. Boise State – You may see a few Utah fans head explode just from being in Las Vegas.

S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: December 23rd: Navy vs. San Diego State – Drink every time Craig James says something that makes you want to punch him…you’ll be blacked-out by halftime.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: December 24th: Hawaii vs. Tulsa – Although nothing will beat the year Notre Dame played in this bowl and Charle Weis sported an Hawaiian shirt, it’s always funny to see head coaches look like extras from an episode of Magnum P.I.

Little Caesars Bowl: December 26th: Florida International vs. Toledo – The legendary broadcast team of Dave Lamont, JC Pearson & Quint Kessenich will announce this game, enough said.

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: December 27th: Air Force vs. Georgia Tech – The triple-option versus the triple option…quarterbacks might just want to sit this game out.

Champs Sports Bowl: December 28th: West Virginia vs. NC State – The over/under on the amount of WCW’s NwO Wolfpac t-shirts in crowd will be at 30.5…and those will just be from West Virginia wrestling fans.

Insight Bowl: December 28th: Missouri vs. Iowa – Okay, nothing to watch here, the country is still laughing that a team that lost to Minnesota made a bowl game.

Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman: December 29th: East Carolina vs. Maryland – Ralph Friedgen will eat any ECU player that crosses his sideline.

Texas Bowl: December 29th: Illinois vs. Baylor – Baylor fans have a short trip and their fans should outnumber Illinois fans, should feel like a home game for Ron Zook.

Valero Alamo Bowl: December 29th: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona – I would just DV-R this game and watch Mike Gundy’s “I’m A Man, I’m 40” rant on YouTube for 3 hours…could be more entertaining.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: December 30th: Army vs. SMU – June Jones takes his SMU team to play Army in the Armed Forces Bowl. What is Jones biggest regret? Leaving Hawaii or arguing with Jeff George?

New Era Pinstripe Bowl: December 30th: Kansas St vs. Syracuse – The announcers will spend more time talking about the Yankees signing Derek Jeter than the actual game.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: December 30th: North Carolina vs. Tennessee – Butch Davis versus Derek Dooley: A chess match! Okay, maybe it will be more like checkers.

Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl: December 30th: Nebraska vs. Washington The nation finally realizes that Jake Locker is over-rated while Mel Kiper stands on the sideline with a boner for him.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: December 31st: South Florida vs. Clemson – Florida area & Southern belle cheerleaders…ESPN should just have a split-screen with the game and the sideline.

Hyundai Sun Bowl: December 31st: Notre Dame vs. Miami – I can’t wait for all the awesome highlights from Warren Sapp, Raghib Ismail, Tony Rice, Rick Mirer, Bernie Kosar, and Michael Irvin. This game should have an 80’s night promotion.

AutoZone Liberty: December 31st: Georgia vs. UCF – The eBay bidding for A.J. Green’s jersey has no reserve and you can start your bidding now.

Chick-fil-A Bowl: December 31st: South Carolina vs. Florida State – Jimbo Fisher should wear a Bobby Bowden mask on the sideline so Steve Spurrier will call bonehead plays and lose.

TicketCity Bowl: January 1st: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech – Can we renamed this the “Hangover Bowl”? Northwestern’s QB, Dan Persa, is out and the only shot the Wildcats have of beating the Red Raiders if an SAT test is the actual 4th quarter.

Outback Bowl: January 1st: Florida vs. Penn State – Joe Paterno may actually think he’s playing the game in the Outback. The Gators should use a kangaroo as their mascot to really throw him off.

Capital One Bowl: January 1st: Alabama vs. Michigan State – The best two teams that aren’t in a BCS bowl game. But we all know what usually happens when an SEC team plays against the Big Ten. Richardson and Ingram will score more times than co-eds on New Year’s Eve.

Gator Bowl: January 1st: Mississippi State vs. Michigan – Remember when pundits were giving Denard Robinson the Heisman trophy after three games? He may need another amazing game to save Rich Rodriguez’s job. If Michigan is down at the half, RichRod could be watching from a sports bar.

Rose Bowl Game presented by VIZIO: January 1st: Wisconsin vs. TCU – Wisconsin’s rushing attack versus TCU’s stingy defense. TCU will be Little Mac and Wisconsin is King Hippo. The key here is to hit him in the stomach when Bret Bielema opens his mouth.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: January 1st: Connecticut vs. Oklahoma – There’s really only one reason to watch this game, hoping that UConn grad Molly Qerim attends the game and Fox shows her in the stands.

Discover Orange: January 3rd: Stanford vs. Virginia Tech – The last time Virginia Tech had this big of a game, they were beaten by Boise State. Andrew Luck is better than anyone on BSU, sorry Va Tech may have trouble in this one.

Allstate Sugar Bowl: January 4th: Ohio State vs. Arkansas – Ohio State vs. Michigan rivalry will be storyline in this game. Ryan Mallett played his freshman year against the Buckeyes, completing one pass for eight yards. Call me crazy, but he will have better numbers in this game.

GoDaddy.com Bowl: January 6th: Middle Tennessee vs. Miami (Ohio) – Tune in the game, watch for the commercials.

AT&T Cotton Bowl: January 7th: LSU vs. Texas A&M – Barrett Bailey, Patrick Peterson, Jordan Jefferson, David Detz, Jarred Joseph, Terrence Toliver, and Lazarius Levingston. LSU’s team is sponsored by alliteration. Sounds like characters in a Dr. Seuss book.

BBVA Compass Bowl: January 8th: Pittsburgh vs. Kentucky – Dave Wannstedt was fired and Kentucky’s head coach is named Joker. He may try the “pencil trick” to the new Pitt coach.

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: January 9th: Nevada vs. Boston College – Kyle Brontzman will not be attendance.

Tostitos BCS National Championship Game: January 10th: Oregon vs. Auburn – Cecil Newton has big money riding on this game, courtesy of the Auburn University football boosters. Also, at this point, Oregon could wear jerseys that resemble the World League’s Orlando Thunder.

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Re-Do: 1999 NBA Draft

The 1999 NBA Draft is considered one of the deepest drafts in in history. There are nine All-Stars from this draft and players like Lamar Odom and James Posey who were cornerstones in helping their teams win an NBA Championship. Who goes #1 if this draft was redone today? Who would pick the same players if everyone is reshuffled? Here is the 1999 NBA Draft redone if it happened today.

1. Richard Hamilton – Chicago Bulls – I think Hamilton gets the edge over the rest of the class because he is a winner and has been very productive for years. Elton Brand was originally picked here, which was a decent pick. (Hamilton was picked #8 to Washington) Continue reading →

The Best NBA Team Blogs

I’m going to post a series that highlights the best team blogs out there. You have a lot of blog networks popping up and it’s hard to differentiate between the good and the bad. Some of the guys that run them only post a few times a week and some sites go out of their way to inform the team’s fanbase. I tried to pick a few for each team, so you will have an option or find out even more information on your favorite NBA team. Here are the best NBA team blogs on the internet.

Atlanta Hawks
Peach Tree Hoops
Hoopion Blog
Human Highlight Blog

Boston Celtics
Red’s Army
Hardwood Houdini

Charlotte Bobcats
Rufus On Fire
Queen City Hoops

Chicago Bulls
Blog A Bull
Pippen Ain’t Easy

Cleveland Cavaliers
King James Gospel
Cavs the Blog

Dallas Mavericks
Mavs Ball
The Man Game

Detroit Pistons
Life On Dumars
Motown String Music
Need 4 Sheed

Denver Nuggets
Dunking Nuggets
Roundball Mining Company

Golden State Warriors
Golden State Of Mind
Warriors World

Houston Rockets
Rockets Buzz

Indiana Pacers
Pacers Place
Indy Cornrows
Always Miller Time
8 Points 9 Seconds

Los Angeles Clippers
Clippers Chat
Clippers Blog

Los Angeles Lakers
Lake Show Life
With Malice

Memphis Grizzlies
3 Shades Of Blue

Miami Heat
All U Can Heat
Peninsula Is Mightier

Milwaukee Bucks
Brew Hoop
Bucksketball

Minnesota Timberwolves
Twolves Blog
Howlin Twolf

New Jersey Nets
Scorching Nets
Nets Are Scorching

New Orleans Hornets
Hornets Hype
Hornets 24/7

New York Knicks
Posting And Toasting
Knicks Fanatics Blog
Knickerblogger

Oklahoma City Thunder
Hoops Of Thunder
Blue Blitz
Daily Thunder

Orlando Magic
Howard The Dunk
Third Quarter Collapse

Philadelphia 76ers
Sixers Court
Liberty Ballers

Phoenix Suns
Valley Of The Suns

Portland Trailblazers
Blaze Of Love
Rip City Project
Beyond The Beat

Sacramento Kings
Sactown Royalty
Kings Kingdom

San Antonio Spurs
Project Spurs
Pounding The Rock
Spurs Of The Moment

Toronto Raptors
Raptors Republic
Raptors Talk
Jurassic Hoops

Utah Jazz
Salt City Hoops

Washington Wizards
Bullets Forever
Truth About It

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

I’m Officially Announcing My Candidacy To Be An NBA GM

Charles Barkley has came out recently that he wants a job being a general manager in the NBA. He hasn’t been the only person to lobby for this position. Deadspin recently wrote a review for Bill Simmons’ book, “The Book of Basketball,” and said it was a 700-page resumé to be an NBA GM. I guess since everyone else is doing it, why not me?

Dear NBA Owners,

My name is Bobby Roberts, but I am known around the internet as “Sweetbob.” I am writing you to officially announce my candidacy for a general manager position with one of your teams. I know that there are more qualified than me and probably know more about the game than me, but c’mon, it would be a fun gig!

Here is the scenario, remember the movie “Eddie” starring the great Whoopi Goldberg? It would be a real-life version, but hopefully a lot more entertaining. Once I am announced as your new general manager, just imagine all of the press that your team would get. I would be on big news programs like “ESPN’s First Take” or “Last Call with Carson Daly.”

I’m from Indiana, so I have that going for me. Larry Bird didn’t have any executive experience before he got the gig in Indiana and look what he’s done! He’s been the #9 seed in the East the last few years, what an amazing job he has done. I also went to an Indiana University affiliate, the same college that pumped out great NBA executives like Isiah Thomas and Mark Cuban.

I am throwing my hat in the ring for the same reason why Charles Barkley and Bill Simmons did…why not? It seems like a pretty easy job. I’m currently an accountant, so I can figure out salary cap numbers or if not, I can just try out trade on ESPN’s Trade Machine. I think everyone deserves a shot, maybe we should start a lottery system where everyone has a year to turn an NBA team around. Think about it, maybe you can use those ping pong balls that you use for the NBA Draft. Everyone deserves a chance to mess it up, right?

Sincerely,
Bobby Roberts

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Why Your Team Will Not Win The Super Bowl

Right now, every NFL fan thinks their team is going to be a Super Bowl contender. Only one team wins every year, so most fans leave the season dejected and deflated. I want to help you out and push you off the ledge and take that cup of kool-aid out of your hand. It’s better to realize now that your team is bad, rather than wait until the playoffs, or if you’re a Lions fan, Week three. Read this and see why your team isn’t going to win the Super Bowl in 2009.

Arizona Cardinals – Your quarterback is nearly a grandpa and you drafted a fragile running back to anchor your backfield. If the injury bug hits, it could devastate worse than the plague.

Atlanta Falcons – Michael Turner aged four years last season by getting more than 370 carries and Matt Ryan isn’t Peyton Manning….yet.

Baltimore Ravens – If you take Derrick Mason out of the line-up, I have more career catches than the rest of the wide-receiving corps combined.

Buffalo Bills – Remember when Marcus Stroud was good? Buffalo fans have no memory of it. The NFL Odds will be stacked against them this year.

Carolina Panthers – You had your chance last season, but Delhomme literally gave the game away. Also, the Panthers have never had back-to-back seasons of over .500 football.

Chicago Bears – You traded two future first-round picks and a neckbeard for a diabetic quarterback. Is it me or does he have a little Jeff George in him?

Cincinnati Bengals – Ask the Chiefs and Cowboys how they did after being on “Hard Knocks.” Also, Chad Ochocinco will have his twitter feed pumped through his helmet by mid-season.

Cleveland Browns – Braylon Edwards can’t catch a pass Josh Cribbs isn’t your answer. Also, your quarterback has been on the cover of Men’s Fitness once every fiscal quarter. How about Brady Quinn spend more time watching film and less working on his abs.

Dallas Cowboys – Jessica Simpson is gone…the jinx is gone! Unfortunately, Wade Phillips is still your coach. Good news, you have a sweet tv above your field.

Denver Broncos – Your quarterback has broken finger and a neckbeard and your #1 receiver hates your city.

Detroit Lions – Let me know when you win a game and then we can think of something witty about you losing a Super Bowl.

Green Bay Packers – Your defensive backs are so old that they probably owned pagers. I remember when they played in college, I did quite a bit of NCAA football betting on the teams that they played for.

Houston Texans – A lot of people are picking your team as a dark horse. They forgot that you have to play the Colts and Titans twice every year.

Indianapolis Colts – Bob Sanders is injured again, I guess you better get Maurice Jones-Drew, Steve Slaton, and Chris Johnson on your fantasy team, they are going to be racking up a lot of yards against the Colts.

Jacksonville Jaguars – If you lose a game and no fan is there to watch it, did you really lose a game? The way that they are selling tickets there, maybe they won’t lose any games this season.

Kansas City Chiefs – Your team still smells like Herm Edwards.

Miami Dolphins – Your team is partially owned by Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. They sent a memo that the “wildcat” formation will now be known as “El Gato Loco”

Minnesota Vikings – Brett Favre has a torn shoulder and he’ll want to pass on every down. Adrian Peterson might as well line up as the slot receiver.

New England Patriots – Your team traded or forced all of their veterans on defense to retire after last season. You better get used to 49-48 games this season.

New Orleans Saints – They can definitely score points, but let me know when their cornerbacks can cover an NFL receiver.

New York Giants – The last time Mario Manningham caught a pass, he was in college. Now he’s one of your main targets. Good luck with that Giants fans.

New York Jets – New coach, rookie quarterback, old running back, weak receiving corps…Super Bowl Champions! Mike Greenberg’s head would explode, leaving a thick film of hair gel on everything.

Oakland Raiders – Maybe if Tom Cable took some of that aggression and punched some of his players in the face, they would win some games.

Philadelphia Eagles – Your quarterback looks like he has gained 20 pounds and he’s very thin-skinned. The fans are already chanting Michael Vick’s name, I’m sure McNabb can handle it, right?

Pittsburgh Steelers – Your team has the most obnoxious fanbase of any team. No matter what I say here, you’re still going to be crazy. So go wave your yellow blankies and drink your Iron City beer.

San Diego Chargers – It’s not good when you’re star linebacker is choking bi-sexual asian women.

San Francisco 49ers – Mike Singletary is a scary man, the Niners will be pissing themselves if they drop a pass or miss an assignment. I would recommend wearing a diaper under your jock strap.

Seattle Seahawks – Jim Mora Jr. is your head coach. That’s not the better and more entertaining Jim Mora. Remember when Jim Mora Jr. called on a cell phone during a game? He’s clueless.

St. Louis Rams – They let their best player leave, Torry Holt, and they still have no quarterback.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Someone should tell them that you can only play one quarterback at a time, so there is no need to have that many on your roster.

Tennessee Titans – Kerry Collins is an old man and your back-up still has his tail between his legs from an interception he threw last season.

Washington Redskins – Was Jim Zorn ready to be a head coach? I think I know at least 53 guys who wouldn’t think so.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

A Michigan Fan’s Journey To The Season Opener

Our resident University of Michigan fan, Joe Pasquali, went to the season opener against Western Michigan last weekend. He starts out pretty timid, but ends like any true Wolverines fan, cocky as hell. Here is his detailed experience from the season opener.

We drove up, parked in the same place off the Michigan Golf Course, fired up the same grill, played the same game of corn hole (or bag toss, whatever you want to call it) and downed the same beers. On the exterior the 2009 Michigan opening game would look like every opening game I have been to over the past years, this being my 8th in a row. But, if I told you it felt like any of the others, I’d be lying.

Nervous
Worried
No Confidence
Quiet

These are things I would never expect to feel at an opening game in The Big House. And frankly, I shouldn’t have to feel. But I did. And I can tell you 100,000 other people were feeling the same way. Sure, we hid it well by going through our normal routine and pretending this year is just like every other, when deep down we knew it wasn’t.

Even before the game started, one point to hammer it home was when a Western Michigan fan started trash talking to me while walking up to the gate. We had struck up polite speculation on the game ahead when all of the sudden he started into it.

“Man, we are going to hang like 40 on you guys, just like App. State, Utah, Oregon, and everybody else that comes into the Quiet House. You got no defense, I mean, who do you got??”
Any other year, ANY OTHER YEAR, I would have just spat back a few curse words and told him to head back to crappy Western and hope he gets to head back East sometime for the Motor City bowl. But not this year.

I actually found myself defending UM to a Broncos fan! I said, “Well, Brandon Graham is good, and Obi Ezeh, OH and Donovan Warren is a great cornerback.” The Western fan laughed, cursed Michigan and yelled a projected Broncos whooping in front of 100 Michigan fans. No one yelled back. Everyone was too nervous to back UM.

I say now, thinking of the pre-game and the Western fan, that a University of Michigan fan should never defend his team to a Western Michigan fan, or really, most fans for that matter. And I never will again. Ok, two bad years, yeah we had that. Lets start counting your teams bad years. Yeah thought so. Below are the teams that I will defend my team to in the future, because I have respect for their programs and their winning traditions.

Ohio State
Penn State
Florida
USC
Oklahoma
Texas
Alabama
Nebraska
Tennessee

That’s it. Yeah, I know I left Notre Dame off. Why? Because I will not take trash talk from a Golden Domer, no sir. Sorry, I got my UM hat on for this article and if you are a Notre Dame fan feel free to send me hate mail at Radioguy1486@yahoo.com

Anyways, back to the game.

The environment at Michigan could not have been summed up better than the first two drives for both teams. Western gets the ball first, Michigan forces a punt after a 3 and out. Place goes nuts, the typical DEFENSE chants arise and the student section erupts, all is well and good.

Michigan gets the ball……. the place goes a bit quiet…. AND MICHIGAN GETS A FIRST DOWN. OH HAPPY DAYS. Literally, everyone wearing maize or blue starts cheering like we just won the game. FOR A FIRST DOWN. Oh, but it gets better.

Forcier is leading us on a pretty decent first drive and are already in field goal range and he has thrown some good balls. People in the crowd are murmuring about how well this freshman is playing, but still a bit nervous. Forcier runs a play action and rolls out of the pocket, he is looking downfield, he makes a read and lofts a ball to a breaking Junior Hemingway. In 2008 this ball is intercepted, the drive stopped and Michigan Stadium falls silent. But, THIS YEAR, the ball is just out of reach for the defender and Hemingway catches it falling into the end zone. Michigan Stadium lifts off the face of the earth. 100,000 plus people are yelling, screaming, hugging each other and praising Tate Forcier.

Tate Forcier, the second coming of Christ.
Tate Forcier, Tom Brady, Chad Henne, Brian Griese, all rolled into one.
Tate Forcier, who the f%$k needs Pryor.
Tate Forcier, with him all things are possible.

Not joking, this is how we all felt after that one drive. One drive. The rest of the game Michigan rolled and as the points stacked up us fans felt our confidence returning, slowly but surely.

One of the funniest parts of the game came near the end when my Dad looked to me in the third quarter and asked when I wanted to get out of here. Since we got a two hour plus drive home, in the past openers we usually left late in the game when Michigan was rolling. It had been at least two years since I could leave a UM game early because WE were beating on someone!

I turned to my Dad and said, “Yeah, we got this one. Let’s get out of here.”
Because really, Western Michigan, was there any doubt?

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

I Give Up: A Manifesto Of A Pissed Off Cubs Fan

This post may be epic and wordy, but I have a lot to get off of my chest. I have stuck by the Cubs through thick and thin, but I am at a point where I may sell my “fanhood” to another team, just like the Cubs have tried to sell the team for the past 24 months. In the following post, I am going to explain why I’m pissed, what the Cubs can do to win me back, why I’m allowed to question my loyalty as a fan, and what the future holds for the Chicago Cubs.

Listen, I am 28 years old, I’ve been through some thin years as a Chicago Cubs fan. I know some people older than me have had even worse experiences than me, but you got to enjoy Jack Brickhouse and Harry Carey longer, so we’re even. The last six years, as a Cubs fan, have been probably some of the best years an Cubs fan could realistically ask for. A few division championships, a few playoff wins, but not one World Series appearance. I know that if a Cubs fan rarely believes that his team has a chance to win the World Series. There is always hope, but you have visions of Steve Garvey, Ivan Rodriguez, and even Augie Ojeda go through your head and grounds your hopes.

This is why I am pissed off. Jim Hendry started off his career as a GM very well. He got pieces that the fans wanted and made everyone excited about the future of the Cubs. We finally had someone that wanted to go out and win right now. That may be the underlying problem with everything that is wrong with the Chicago Cubs. The Cubs haven’t manufactured any great talent out of their farm system in years. Mark Grace was the last great player to come through the farm system. They have lacked the expertise to develop their own players, so they traded their young pieces away for mediocre talent in return. If a team is always in the playoff race, young talent will not have the time to develop at the Major League level. My examples are Rich Hill and Felix Pie, I know neither of them are winning post-season awards right now, but they didn’t have time to develop. Rich Hill bounced around the minors and Chicago the last few seasons. He dominated in the minors and had trouble pitching in Wrigley. Pie also bounced around between Iowa and Chicago and was mostly kept around to make Alfonso Soriano comfortable. They were both traded to the Orioles for scrubs and I hope they flourish in Baltimore.

Which leads me to another reason that I am pissed. Why does Jim Hendry always trade with Andy MacPhail in Baltimore? I know that MacPhail was his boss when he was first with Baltimore, but this personal relationship has severely damaged the Chicago Cubs. If they are such good friends, why was it so difficult to pry Brian Roberts away from him? A rumor floated around for about two seasons that they were in trade talks, but nothing ever happened with that, but somehow we ended up with Ryan Freel and Garrett Olsen? Hendry needs to quit being so chummy with MacPhail and talk with other teams when trying to improve the Chicago Cubs.

Ownership changes have drained this team of any emotion. The players knew that they had to play the entire season with the players already on the team, since they couldn’t add any more payroll because of the sell of the team. Injuries hit the team and Geovany Soto, Derrek Lee, Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, and Carlos Zambrano were all missed time at the beginning of the year. The team lacked emotion and even a Lou Pinella rant couldn’t bring them out of their funk. They attempted to get Jake Peavy from the Padres, but couldn’t take on his salary, which lead to the White Sox getting him at a discounted rate near the trade deadline. I’m not saying that Peavy would have won the NL Central for Chicago, but it could have showed the players that management wanted to do everything to win. With no major additions to the team at either trade deadline (I’m sorry John Grabow doesn’t count), the Cubs slipped down the standings as the Cardinals added Mark DeRosa and Matt Holliday. This ownership change happened at the absolute worst time, since this team was a right-fielder and a dominant closer away from at least a Wild-Card spot.

The Cubs have one of the worst farm systems in all of the Major Leagues. They have been signing Type-A and Type-B free-agents the last few seasons and don’t have many blue-chip prospects. Josh Vitters could be their lone future star, but Wellington Castillo and Tyler Colvin both look promising. The problem there is that Vitters plays 3B and Castillo is a catcher, two positions that the Cubs have a small need for. Colvin could turn into a player that they could use, but they are currently tied up in a few bad contracts in the outfield and there isn’t any room for him. John Grabow, Rich Harden, and Kevin Gregg are all Type-A free agents and if they sign with a team, the Cubs could get that team’s first-round draft picks. Jim Hendry was smart in keeping them, even if they have no interest in re-signing the trio. This could help restock the farm system and build this team from the ground up. If only they had the minor league managers and instructors that could develop any of that talent.

I am allowed to question my loyalty to the Chicago Cubs. They are the only team that I have ever rooted for, but they have let me down in a way that I wasn’t ready for. Selling the team at this point, when their team has elite talent, is such a horrible ending to this team’s arc of improvement. I believe that they need to blow up the team. I said it, I didn’t think that I would get to this point, but just ride out the contracts, trade the pieces away that you can get young talent in return, and give me a product on the field that I can feel good about myself while cheering for you. Milton Bradley’s attitude and racially-filled paranoia added with Zambrano’s lack of focus and his inability to sound like he even cares, has made me dislike this team. Give me players like Kerry Wood, who was willing to take a pay-cut to stay with the Cubs out of loyalty. I don’t know if I am at a point where I can see the greed in the players eyes, but there is something that I don’t like about this team.

I’m not asking for a World Series, I’m not asking for an NL Central crown, just give me a team that looks like they are trying and you will have me as a fan of your team for as long as you’ll have me. If any players read this, go out there, run out ground balls, slide hard into double-plays, dive for foul balls, and have fun out there. The season is officially over at the end of the regular season, you’ll have plenty of time to be lazy this off-season.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

2009 College Football – All-Name Team

Not everyone can have the last name ‘Manning’ or ‘Montana’, some of us have to go through life with a pretty ridiculous name. Most of these names are pretty rough to grow up with, but some are names you wish you may have, especially if you are named something bland like Joe Smith or Bobby Roberts.

H.B. Banjoman – RB – Eastern Kentucky

Taylor Elmo – RB – Idaho

Boogie McCray – RB Louisville

Willy Korn – QB – Clemson

Ras-I Dowling – CB – Virginia

David Wang – G – Virginia Tech

Boo Jackson – QB – Ohio

Nathan Dick – QB – Central Arkansas

Buddy Bardenwerper – RB – Harvard

Terrence Bobo – RB – Central Arkansas

Rashod Bumpers – RB – Bucknell

Major Gray – RB – Souther Utah

SirChauncey Holloway – RB – Harvard

Tyrel Kool – RB – South Dakota State

Kingjack Washington – RB – Missouri State

Chizzy Dimude – RB – Hawaii

Jock Sanders – RB – West Virginia

Mookie Asaad – WR – Southern Miss

Nick Toon – WR – Wisconsin

Hans Broman – WR – Drake

Nick Liquori – WR – Sacred Heart

Thor Brown – TE – North Dakota State

Ben Bologna – K – Princeton

Mister Cobble – LB – Kentucky

Stash McGuiness – OL – Cal-Poly

Dirk Kool – LB – South Dakota State

Heath Cockburn – G – Furman

T-Bob Hebert – C – LSU

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

10 ESPN Personalities That You Never Want To See In A Peephole Video

Perverts around the world have been attacking Google this week in hopes of find the infamous Erin Andrews nude peephole video. I have already argued my point in a previous post that this is wrong and I hope that they find the person that did it. It was a pretty serious post and I’m not a guy who is very serious. I started thinking about other ESPN personalities who would cause such a frenzy if something like this happened again. It was a short list, but my list of people who should never, ever have a peephole video, was much bigger. Here are 10 ESPN personalities that you never want to see in a nude peephole video.

Jon Miller – He calls the marquee baseball games with Joe Morgan on ESPN. He has a great voice that is made for radio and a not necessarily something that I would want to see on my television. If he ever appeared in a peephole video, please cancel my cable internet.

Holly Rowe – She is a sideline reporter for ESPN. She basically has the same job as Erin Andrews, but she covers the C-list game on ESPN. You can normally see her during the Wyoming vs. Idaho State football games on ESPN2.

Mike Golic – Golic is one-half of the duo on “Mike and Mike In the Morning” on ESPN Radio and appears on NFL Live. I know he has lost 22 pounts on the Nutri-system diet, but he needs to eat less pot roast and more vegetables.

John Clayton – It’s hard to believe, but he is a football guy at ESPN. The angle in the picture is about the only angle that you get to see him at. My theory is that he is actually a 2-D figure. Dan Patrick, formerly of ESPN, jokes around that he has a pony-tail. I kind of hope that is true and if that is the case, is that a sign of Armageddon? If John Clayton was in a peephole video, it would probably look like a 8-bit Nintendo game.

Chris Berman – His voice is one of the most recognizable voices in sports television. He also has one of the best comb-overs in the entire industry. If Berman had a peephole video, I would envision that he would end up doing the play-by-play of it. He could even give his “boys” some sort of nickname that would reference some late 70’s funk band. The picture above is about all the nation can endure of Berman’s body.

Dana Jacobson – She might be best known for her drunken appearance at the Mike & Mike roast awhile back. She also hosts ESPN’s “First Take” in the morning, I don’t watch that show much since I can’t stand her or Skip Bayless. Jacobson looks like a mix between Chyna and Cybill Shepherd, and I’m not a fan of either. I guess I would rather see a Skip Bayless video more than one of her, what does this say about me? Yikes, what a scary thought.

Bob Ley – He has been with ESPN since the beginning and he looks nearly identical from when he started. I think he looks a bit like Peter Griffin, if he was a real person. I wouldn’t want a Bob Ley peephole video, because I fear that he would do a 10-piece “Outside The Line” feature about it. I would not want to see that on a loop for any period of time.

John Kruk – I could do with the easy joke here and but I can’t, too simple. Kruk appears on “Baseball Tonight” and his analysis goes in slumps and so does his hair (I had to throw that in there, Sports Hernia). I would expect Kruk to had random crumbs of Doritos spread all around his body. His skin could be permanently dyed orange from the nacho cheese flavoring.

Mike Ditka – Mike Ditka was a great coach, but now he’s a football analyst for ESPN. He can go off on tangents that never lead you to anywhere, much like this blog. A Ditka peephole video would do well in Chicago, but not so much in New Orleans. I would think that he still has his Bears v-neck on at all times, so maybe the video wouldn’t be too revealing.

Tony Kornheiser – He is one of the hosts of “Pardon The Interruption” on ESPN. He was also in the booth during “Monday Night Football,” but that experiment ended when he didn’t want to do it anymore, or so he wants us to believe. A peephole video for Kornheiser would be awful and I would put odds that he is either wearing a hat or holding up one of those faces on a stick. Scratch that, he would probably be doing the penguin dance.

There is my list, for some reason Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd didn’t make the list. I can’t explain that, but hopefully one of these guys gets the bump from ESPN and they make the top 10. Any other ESPN personalities that should make the list?

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Idolizing – Chuck Klosterman (Again!)

About a year ago, I wrote a post in my “Idolizing” series about Chuck Klosterman. I was in awe of his first effort of writing a novel called “Downtown Owl.” I thought the book was great and I even bought an advanced copy on eBay for nearly 30 dollars a few months before it was released. The book didn’t sell a lot of copies, but he still feels like he accomplished something that he wanted to do. He has been on record that he had promised his publisher a few more essay books like “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs” as a trade off that they would release one of his fiction works. Continue reading →