Category Archives: john kruk

10 ESPN Personalities That You Never Want To See In A Peephole Video

Perverts around the world have been attacking Google this week in hopes of find the infamous Erin Andrews nude peephole video. I have already argued my point in a previous post that this is wrong and I hope that they find the person that did it. It was a pretty serious post and I’m not a guy who is very serious. I started thinking about other ESPN personalities who would cause such a frenzy if something like this happened again. It was a short list, but my list of people who should never, ever have a peephole video, was much bigger. Here are 10 ESPN personalities that you never want to see in a nude peephole video.

Jon Miller – He calls the marquee baseball games with Joe Morgan on ESPN. He has a great voice that is made for radio and a not necessarily something that I would want to see on my television. If he ever appeared in a peephole video, please cancel my cable internet.

Holly Rowe – She is a sideline reporter for ESPN. She basically has the same job as Erin Andrews, but she covers the C-list game on ESPN. You can normally see her during the Wyoming vs. Idaho State football games on ESPN2.

Mike Golic – Golic is one-half of the duo on “Mike and Mike In the Morning” on ESPN Radio and appears on NFL Live. I know he has lost 22 pounts on the Nutri-system diet, but he needs to eat less pot roast and more vegetables.

John Clayton – It’s hard to believe, but he is a football guy at ESPN. The angle in the picture is about the only angle that you get to see him at. My theory is that he is actually a 2-D figure. Dan Patrick, formerly of ESPN, jokes around that he has a pony-tail. I kind of hope that is true and if that is the case, is that a sign of Armageddon? If John Clayton was in a peephole video, it would probably look like a 8-bit Nintendo game.

Chris Berman – His voice is one of the most recognizable voices in sports television. He also has one of the best comb-overs in the entire industry. If Berman had a peephole video, I would envision that he would end up doing the play-by-play of it. He could even give his “boys” some sort of nickname that would reference some late 70’s funk band. The picture above is about all the nation can endure of Berman’s body.

Dana Jacobson – She might be best known for her drunken appearance at the Mike & Mike roast awhile back. She also hosts ESPN’s “First Take” in the morning, I don’t watch that show much since I can’t stand her or Skip Bayless. Jacobson looks like a mix between Chyna and Cybill Shepherd, and I’m not a fan of either. I guess I would rather see a Skip Bayless video more than one of her, what does this say about me? Yikes, what a scary thought.

Bob Ley – He has been with ESPN since the beginning and he looks nearly identical from when he started. I think he looks a bit like Peter Griffin, if he was a real person. I wouldn’t want a Bob Ley peephole video, because I fear that he would do a 10-piece “Outside The Line” feature about it. I would not want to see that on a loop for any period of time.

John Kruk – I could do with the easy joke here and but I can’t, too simple. Kruk appears on “Baseball Tonight” and his analysis goes in slumps and so does his hair (I had to throw that in there, Sports Hernia). I would expect Kruk to had random crumbs of Doritos spread all around his body. His skin could be permanently dyed orange from the nacho cheese flavoring.

Mike Ditka – Mike Ditka was a great coach, but now he’s a football analyst for ESPN. He can go off on tangents that never lead you to anywhere, much like this blog. A Ditka peephole video would do well in Chicago, but not so much in New Orleans. I would think that he still has his Bears v-neck on at all times, so maybe the video wouldn’t be too revealing.

Tony Kornheiser – He is one of the hosts of “Pardon The Interruption” on ESPN. He was also in the booth during “Monday Night Football,” but that experiment ended when he didn’t want to do it anymore, or so he wants us to believe. A peephole video for Kornheiser would be awful and I would put odds that he is either wearing a hat or holding up one of those faces on a stick. Scratch that, he would probably be doing the penguin dance.

There is my list, for some reason Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd didn’t make the list. I can’t explain that, but hopefully one of these guys gets the bump from ESPN and they make the top 10. Any other ESPN personalities that should make the list?

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.