Category Archives: america’s white boy

NHL Talk: Hockey Fights, Gangnam Style & Milan Hejduk

Two hockey guys talking hockey.

As the snow keeps piling up, the hockey games start to gain steam. The NFL season ended yesterday, but the NHL is just getting started. The Commissioner should take advantage of this time of year in-between the Super Bowl and MLB’s spring training, but he’s a joke…we all know this by now.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two diehard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game every night (almost). Neither have a girlfriend. I doubt these guys even realized the Super Bowl occurred yesterday.

This is their email conversation the following morning. Continue reading

NHL Talk: Ryan Miller, NKOTB & the Blue Jackets

Two hockey guys talking hockey.

I believe there was as much ice on my car this morning  than a Zamboni could produce. I don’t own a pair of hockey skates, so I had to go old school and use an ice scraper.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two diehard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game every night (almost). Neither have a girlfriend. This is their email conversation the following morning.

If you’re a fan of the Columbus Blue Jackets, please disregard most of this conversation…we’ve suffered enough. #BringBackHitch

Final scores from 1/31/13

Buffalo 7, Boston 4
Toronto 3, Washington 2
New York Islanders 5, New Jersey 4 F/OT
Pittsburgh 3, New York Rangers 0
St. Louis 4, Columbus 1
Florida 6, Winnipeg 3
Colorado 6, Calgary 3
Los Angeles 2, Nashville 1 F/SO
San Jose 3, Edmonton 2 F/SO

About last night…

Pasquali: January ended with a bang in the NHL world. We had a great night of games, though there has to be some goalies waking up with hurt feelings this morning.

Theisen: I think it’s safe to say you mean Tuukka Rask is pretty butt hurt from Thomas Vanek last night

Pasquali: Vanek went nuts last night! The third goal he had was the best. Last night you called him a Bruin killer, and he lived up to the title.

Thomas Vanek’s hat trick vs. Boston Bruins 1/31/13

Theisen: An overlooked player in that game, even though he gave up 4, was Ryan Miller. He made some huge saves in that game when it mattered

Pasquali: Yeah, Miller was Miller once again for Buffalo. Big and timely saves, especially in the third when Boston was throwing everything at him.

Besides Rask being “butt hurt”, we saw 6 other teams give up at least 4 goals last night. Lots of lamps getting lit.

Theisen: Well, we definitely know that none of them are by Phil Kessel. Even missed an empty net against the Caps with 10 seconds left.

Pasquali: In his defense Kessel got robbed a few times, but yeah he couldn’t find the net last night. Toronto thoroughly dominated that game, giving them their first home win of the year. If it wasn’t for Neuvirth stopping 37 shots, Capitals would have got blown out.

Theisen: The Maple Leafs did deserve the win, had twice as many scoring opportunities and way more quality chances. James Van Riemsdyk started the season out very dismal for the Leafs, but ever since head coach Randy Carlyle called him out for not playing hard enough, he’s put up 4 goals. He has even has earned unit 1 power play time as their man in front of the net.

Pasquali: If you put together the USA Olympic team to play a game tomorrow, is James van Riemsdyk on your squad?

Theisen: I would have to say it’s a coin toss, he could be on the USA’s fourth line, but I’d still give Kessel the nod right now even though he’s in a slump. I guess if Ryan Callahan was still injured there may be a spot for JVR on the roster. Very doubtful he’ll be on the USA squad in 2014 though.

Pasquali: JVR can flat out fly. When he is on he is really fun to watch. Oh, congrats on your upset pick. Preds get their first shootout win of the season; they were 0-3 before last night in the “skills competition”. Shootout had some great goals, but the game was a snooze fest.

Theisen: Yeah, after each team tallied a goal in the first, the game slowed down considerably and there weren’t a lot of great scoring chances either. Then again, you do have last year’s Conn Smythe winner Jonathan Quick and 2nd year in a row Vezina runner-up Pekka Rinne in net. It is hard to say the Preds were an “under dog” pick though with 3 OT losses. They could easily but at the top of the West with some better fortune.

Pasquali: Good pick nonetheless. My Blue Jackets pick sure looked stupid. Freaking Columbus…

Theisen: I though the Jackets had a comeback in them when the Blues put up 3 in the first… but that may have just been me.

Pasquali: You and the hundreds in attendance at Nationwide. Bobrovsky got pulled after letting in a few soft ones, and Mason came in to shut it down. Credit to the Bluejackets, they played hard all game. So… that’s something.

Theisen: In my opinion, Jared Boll was the best Blue Jacket on the ice last night for them. Everyone else seemed uninspired and lethargic…I would be too with 337 people in the crowd every night.

Pasquali: Haha, okay we really need to stop with the Jackets hate. Bobby, the runner of our blog, is a CBJ fan. Yes, a real one.

(*editor’s note* – Yep!)

Theisen: I know three Blue Jackets fans, which seems like three too many.

Pasquali: Two teams ended long road trips with much needed wins last night. Colorado had a big third period to coast past Calgary, and the Islanders topped the Devils in what I think was the second best game of the night (to BUF/BOS).

Theisen: Colorado seemed to find their groove last night after starting out a bit rough against Calgary, even without All-Star captain Gabriel Landeskog. The Devils and Islanders put up a shootout out of nowhere. The game was completely back and forth and just came down to the Islanders Power Play when Brad Boyes scored on a scramble in front of the net. I still don’t expect the Isles to do much this year.

Pasquali: But you got to admit the Islanders are actually fun to watch. We haven’t been able to say that since….

Theisen: Since 1983?

Pasquali: Yeah, sounds about right. What was your favorite goal of the night?

Theisen: I’d have to say there are two that tie in my opinion and they were both from the Bruins vs. Sabres game. Brad Marchand’s dangle in the second to take the lead was maybe the best goal of the year, and also Thomas Vanek’s silencer late in the 3rd was “Very Dirty”. A close runner-up was Calgary’s Jiri Hudler with a great tic-tac-toe goal from Cervenka and Stajan in the second period of their game.

Brad Marchand Undress Tyler Myers and Scores 1/31/13

Pasquali: All great picks. But I have to go with Huberdeau goal in the Panthers game. That AMAZZZING Panthers game. It was crazy.

Theisen: Yeah, I mean you had to think Huberdeau purposely fell and then let the puck bank about 3 times off Winnipeg players and in. Some Jedi mind tricks.

Pasquali: OK, maybe it was luck. But that goal was SUCH a Florida Panther’s goal. Chaos, luck, and then mild excitement.

Theisen: The rats had fun at BankAtlantic Center, I know that much.

Pasquali: By the way, in trying to find the Huberdeau goal online, I found this other Huberdeau video of him wearing a dumbass hat. Best part, is this video on YouTube had 0 views. Zero. I was the first person to view it. It’s been up for like 2 weeks, how is that possible?

Jonathan Huberdeau Loves His Stupid Hat

Theisen: Because it’s the Florida Panthers haha.

Pasquali: I mean the guy who posted that video had to at least have watched it. Or Huberdeau’s mom or something.

Theisen: Haha you’d think.

Pasquali: OK, we have to talk about the Florida Panther’s broadcast team of Steve Goldstein and Bill Lindsay… What the hell?

Theisen: Oh, you mean that flipping the puck into the crowd from the other team’s blue line isn’t delay of game?

Pasquali: He was so excited for a possible Panther’s power play he forgot the rules of the game.. That or his mind is on NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK WITH BOYZ 2 MEN AND 98 DEGREES COMING TO THE BANKATLANTIC CENTER OMGZ.

The 90’s exploded in this picture, but where’s Eric Lindros?

Theisen: Like I said last night, I think everyone in attendance was just camping out for the concert and had no idea that a hockey game was taking place.

Pasquali: Penguins went into New York and got a surprise win. Tomas Vokoun had a great night and got the shutout. Both teams really needed the win, but the Rangers just looked flat.

Theisen: Yeah, with the exception of Rick Nash, the Rangers didn’t look hungry enough against an elite team in the East and Atlantic rival. The Penguins now have to seriously start looking at Vokoun for more starts. Fleury has been a little shaky this year (what else is new) and I could see Vokoun earning more starts with that performance last night.

Pasquali: He was really solid, and has been his whole career. The Pittsburgh goalie situation will be an interesting storyline over the coming weeks.

Theisen: Looks like us talking up San Jose yesterday had no impact on them getting steamrolled, Joe. Still undefeated and still making a case for best team in the West… do they pass the Blackhawks now in your opinion?

Pasquali: I guess they have to; they don’t have anything in the L column. Both goalies were good in regulation (Niemi and Bubnyk) but Niemi stepped up in the shootout and blanked both shooters he faced. Also, Handzus has become one of the best shootout artists in the game. Dude is 18-34 for his career and 7-12 as a Shark.

Shootout – Edmonton Oilers vs. San Jose Sharks (January 31st, 2013)

Theisen: He is one of the more underrated shootout men in the league, along with Jussi Jokinen. The Oilers are looking like they could be a playoff team this year, even with all this young talent. You think they’ll crack the top eight in the West?

Pasquali: Tough call, I think they have a great shot. I would put them right around the 8-10 spot as we go through the season. Right now they are on top of Northwest Division! But, you’d have to think Minnesota or Vancouver will win the NW in the end. I hope Edmonton sticks around. Great fans.

Theisen: I’d have to say Vancouver takes the Northwest and Minnesota being a close second at the end of the year. Not sure if Edmonton has it in them this year. Goaltending may be an issue down the stretch.

Pasquali: Well, we got seven games to enjoy tonight. The two games I am most looking forward to are both in the Western Conference. Can Detroit bounce back from the 6-0 drubbing the Blues gave them on opening night? And Chicago going to Vancouver should be fast, fun, and violent.

Theisen: The best game of the night is by far the Blackhawks vs. Canucks. The second best game I’d have to go with the Wild vs. the Ducks. See if Anaheim is for real this year by beating another elite roster in the West.

Pasquali: If you were a Winnipeg player and you were on your Florida road trip, how could you get back on a plane and fly back to Canada? Knowing that New Kids on the Block are coming soon.

Theisen: I don’t know, how do you put a price on seeing Mark Wahlberg’s brother?

Joe’s Predictions (3-6 so far)

Flyers over Capitals
Lightning over Jets
Wings over Blues
Coyotes over Stars
Senators over Hurricanes
Hawks over Canucks
Ducks over Wild

Eddie’s Predictions (4-5 so far)

Flyers over Capitals
Lightning over Jets
Blues over Wings
Stars over Coyotes
Senators over Hurricanes
Canucks over Hawks
Ducks over Wild

By: TwitterButtons.com

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

NHL Talk: Yakupov’s OT Goal, Jackie Moon & Logan Couture

Two hockey guys talking hockey

It’s hard to have a site called America’s White Boy without covering a sport where most players look like an average person in street clothes.

If this goes well, I may need to start a sister site, Canada’s White Boy. I would need a maple syrup sponsor or a lifetime supply of Tim Horton’s “Timbits”…so it probably won’t happen.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two diehard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game every night (almost). Neither have a girlfriend. This is their email conversation the following morning. Continue reading

America’s White Boy: The Podcast?

Hey guys,

I know what you’re thinking…did he just wake up from his New Year’s hangover? Well, sort of.

I’ve been working on launching a podcast. I’ve never worked with audio equipment at this level before, so it has been a learning experience. I’m very thankful my dog is not a parrot. He would have learned so many colorful words.

Before I ask you guys to email BobbyMcRib (at) Gmail or tweet me @Sweetbob, I want to explain what I want to accomplish with the podcast.

The podcast will be a mix between sports and pop culture. I have a lot of friends/acquaintances/colleagues who cover sports or music for a living. I want to share them with the world along with some of the characters I’ve met in my life. I’d feel very selfish if I didn’t share them with the world. The target demographic will be male 18-49, but I don’t want to be overtly chauvinistic. The podcast will be humorous, but I want to keep an option open to interview interesting people, even if the goal is to only inform.

Wait, if I have a bikini model on the podcast, will that help my iTunes podcast algorithm rank? No? Damn.

If you have any ideas, topics, sponsorship inquiries or advice, please shoot me an email or tweet. This podcast idea has been on my mind for a long time. It has taken the success of this blog (and experience gained from writing for print mags and other websites) to give me the confidence to pursue this. The first episode’s release date is TBD, but it will be here sooner than you know.

Speaking of Sooners…Hey, Oklahoma benchwarmers, are you excited for “The America’s White Boy Podcast”?

Calm down, fellas! You’re going to injure your beer pong arm.

By: TwitterButtons.com

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Adam Morrison Looks Like a Homeless Man…Again!

A few years ago, I posted a picture of Adam Morrison in the stands at a Gonzaga basketball game. He was looking like a shell of himself and probably had a fatty blunt rolled up behind his ear.

Mr. Morrison is back! I now present you with ‘Adam Morrison looks like a homeless guy Part 2’…after the jump.

Let’s do an ‘America’s White Boy Fashion Breakdown’…

  • He is sporting a goatee that would make Scooby Doo’s Shaggy jealous.
  • Notice the ‘shit under the jersey’ look made famous by every whiteboy ever.
  • He looks like he would drink a Four Loko with dinner.
  • How many cases of dry shampoo does this hippie have in his bathroom?

I can’t bash on Adam Morrison too hard. He is one of the reasons why I named my blog ‘America’s White Boy‘ years ago. He has helped me fill the blog with content…humorous content.

In a perfect world, Adam Morrison would still be playing ‘Halo 2’ against J.J. Redick on Xbox Live. I doubt if Morrison has upgraded his system to an Xbox 360.

Before I go, I just want to let the Brooklyn Nets fans know that this will be the face of your franchise if the team can’t strike a deal with Deron Williams. Let that marinate tonight and see how many gray hairs appear by morning.
By: TwitterButtons.com

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

My (Failed) Attempt To Get Bill Simmons To Write For "America’s White Boy"

I read on Deadspin that Bill Simmons would like to start up a website and become the underdog once again. He is currently under contract with ESPN, but this is something that he could possibly do once his contract ends. I am here to offer him a position here at America’s White Boy. Why spend the capital to start a new website when you have a fairly okay one right here. I have to admit, he probably has more perks at ESPN, even if he is rarely in Bristol, CT. Here is my failed attempt at luring Bill Simmons to write for us.

“America’s White Boy” isn’t the biggest sports blog on the internet, it’s only has a page rank of 4 on Google, but hey I won’t censor you. You can talk about basically anything, I’ll allow it. If you want to write a 540,000 word post about how Christina Hendricks’ boobs are better than Salma Hayek’s boobs, go ahead! You could even invite a porn star in your fantasy basketball league, although considering your possible bad blood with your soon-to-be former employer ESPN, you may have to use Yahoo for your league.

You probably won’t be able to land huge interviews for podcasts, I don’t have the bandwith for downloads. Although I will give you creative freedom to do some nice “Top 10” posts, I hear they do well on Digg and Reddit. Think about it…

As far as pay goes, you have enough money, right? “The Book Of Basketball” is going sell a few million copies and I’m sure you’ll end up as an NBA GM at some point. I know the Milwaukee gig didn’t work out, but once the Zombie Sonics GM quits, the job is all yours. Also, please disregard my post on Gunaxin.com about your possible General Manager position with an NBA team. It was meant as tongue-in-cheek, like your constant ribbing of Mike Dunleavy. If you get enough traffic, maybe I can get a pair of Columbus Crew tickets, ’cause I hear that you like soccer.

I have one condition of employment, you would have to move to Columbus, OH. I know, it could be a dealbreaker, but I have to know what my possible employers are doing. I do watch NFL games every weekend, but I doubt my 27-inch Sanyo television compares to Jimmy Kimmel’s set-up, but hey, free Raising Cane’s chicken fingers and White Castle to eat and all the Old Style that you can drink.

In closing, I am the definition of an underdog. I am an accountant during the day and I write for three websites at night. I would write if only one person would read my posts. Sure, I do get some advertising money, but I’ve used it to upgrade my laptop, buy my URL, and be able to attend a blogger conference this weekend. I write to explain my point of view and I hope to make a career out of it at some point. If it’s either here on this site or somewhere else, I love writing. I have been a sports fan since I was a little boy and my fondess memories were watching Chicago Cubs games with my dad. I know athletes aren’t perfect and most are barely role models, but there are times that I forget that and get lost in games that make me feel like a kid again. To modify a quote from “Almost Famous,”What Do I love about sports?….Everything.”

BallHype: hype it up! submit to redditDigg my article

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

America’s White Boy Diversifies

I’ve been quite busy lately, not sure if “busy” is the right word. I guess you can say that I’ve been “uninspired” here of late. My friend Carlos and I had a discussion today and I believe he will be another voice of opinion here on America’s White Boy. He will be covering politics, tech, gaming, and random hilarious information. He will help diversify America’s White Boy by adding a Mexican-American voice.

The talks with Carlos is still in the early negotiations, we may have to include a signing bonus. A rumor is floating around that he hired Scott Boras, Drew Rosenhaus, and Jerry Maguire to lead the contract talks. I need some advice from Rod Tidwell, maybe he knows how to handle it better than me.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

I Feel Like Bob Barker…

Over the past couple months we have built up this website and you have responded with great viewership, honest opinions, and the ability to type in my website url in your web browser. We have been approached by a few people about holding a few contests in the very near future. DVDs, CDs, and depending on your gender, age, and location, free massages by yours truly. Keep tuned to the upcoming festivities. I’ll need some ideas on how to pick the winners. I will need to make a fun game that all of our viewers will enjoy.

I’ll give you two hints on what we could be giving away.

1# – Mullets

2# – Destruction

Everyone have a great day and remember to get your pet spayed or neutered to help control the pet population. Now I am off to do things to some Barker Beauties.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.