Category Archives: sports

Okay, I Don’t Want To Live In Cleveland

I am retracting my story from earlier, you can CLICK HERE view my earlier story. I wanted to live in Cleveland, just for one day, so I could enjoy the 23 cent Papa John’s pizza. It turns out that everybody wanted some pizza yesterday. Some people stood in line over 5 hours for some pizza and in Euclid, OH, riots ensued and the police had to be called.

Papa John’s corporation sent out a memo to their franchises and said that the stores could close their doors once 900 pies were sold. It looks like that could end up being a short night for some stores.

I don’t think that I would wait in line for more than 30 minutes for even a free pizza. I do love Papa John’s pizza, but I’ve got better things to do, kind of.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

2008 Un-All-Star Team

We’re almost 40 games into the season and I’ve noticed that some big names are hitting below or hovering around .200 batting average. Some big names are off to some horrible starts this season. I have never seen a year like this before. You have your usual slow-starters (Robinson Cano) and you have your usually consistent players (Gary Sheffield) not serving their team very well.

I made up an UN-All-Star team, this team is made up of everyday players that are hitting below the Mendoza line of .200 or almost.

Infield
Rickie Weeks .195
Robinson Cano .157
Kenju Johjima .189
Ben Broussard .159
Johnny Estrada .179
Casey Blake .202
Ryan Howard .168

Outfield
Andruw Jones .158
Alfonso Soriano .177
Nick Swisher .196
Jose Guillen .165
Jim Edmunds .172
Michael Bourn .194

Designated Hitter (barely)
Gary Sheffield .176
Jose Vidro .192
Jim Thome .209
Jason Giambi .157

I can slightly understand why some position players can get off to a slow start, especially in cold weather, but designated hitters? David Ortiz would have joined this list, but he is now hitting .226, which is much better than a week ago.

Andruw Jones should spend some time on the bench. The Dodgers can’t let Juan Pierre sit on the pine if Jones isn’t going to hit. The Dodgers are already looking for ways to get out of his contract, they are thankful that Scott Boras didn’t talk them into a long-term deal. They should have known better, anyone could have seen this coming from his horrible performance last year.

Also, some honorable mentions to this list include Ken Griffy Jr, Adam Dunn, and Carlos Pena. These players are hitting over .200, but dangerously close. Those three guys will all probably hit at least 30 homers this season, but unless they heat up with the weather, I don’t see their averages being very good.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Jon Kitna Counts To 10, Receives Cookie

Jon Kitna made a bold prediction last year by predicting 10 wins for the 2007 season. He didn’t do himself any favors by saying that his “expectations” are 10 wins this season. He later mentioned that every player should have those expectations, but sadly Kitna is the only one that seems to make the 10-win declarations. I think the only person that feels as strong as Kitna about their team is Joe “The Lions Are Decent” Pasquali, his picture is at the end of the article.

Kitna better worry more about keeping his job than counting wins this season. Since Mike Martz left to go to San Francisco, this offense will be in need of a more consistent, conservative quarterback. Jim Colletto is the Lions’ new offensive coordinator and he is known to run the ball, which is something Martz clearly didn’t know how to do. Kitna has some competition on the roster with Dan Orlovsky and Drew Stanton. He will likely share snaps in camp until a starter is named before the season.

Here is a picture of Joe, he looks as lost as Kitna does running the offense.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Mike D’Antoni Loves His Mustache

The Knicks, Bulls, and Raptors (who currently have a head coach), are all giddy that the Phoenix Suns gave Mike D’Antoni permission to talk to other teams. The Chicago Bulls were the first to talk with with D’Antoni, but no word on any possible deal. The Knicks seem to be in love with Mark Jackson, so I don’t see him getting hired in the Big Apple. The only reason the Raptors are interested in him is because Bryan Colangelo, son of Phoenix sports mogul Jerry Colangelo, knows that D’Antoni’s style may work in Toronto. Colangelo recreated the Raptors into a high-tempo offense with a highly European roster. D’Antoni would have the Phoenix Suns of the East, also T.J. Ford looks a lot like Steve Nash running the offense.

I am not sold on Mike D’Antoni has a big-time head coach. I will admit that when he took over the position in Phoenix, he made that team actually watchable. I would keep it tuned to any game the Suns would play on television; I’m a sucker for offense. I would like to know if D’Antoni knows who to play defense in the NBA. He doesn’t seem to think that he needs to stop the other team, he will just outscore them, even if the score approaches 120 each night. That kind of style will wear a team down and by the time they reach the playoffs, they’re out of gas (Note the last three seasons).

The Chicago Bulls have set themselves up to build their team through defense. Most of the team have already had great coaches (Coach K, Roy Williams, Billy Donovan), so they have proven they are coachable. Ben Gordon is an offensive machine, but they will not keep him next year. I’m looking at the roster and unless they draft someone who can shoot the lights out or pull the trigger on a major trade, who will carry the offense for the Bulls? I don’t see Joakim Noah putting up 20 points like Amare Stoudemire, but Tyrus Thomas could mature into something comparable. This would be a stretch if D’Antoni goes to Chicago. They are in the Eastern Conference and Atlanta made the playoffs this season, anything can happen.Mike D’Antoni has been sporting a mustache since before the 24-second shot clock. You have to give props to a man who stays consistent.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Mike Tirico Is A Pun Machine

While announcing the Lakers/Jazz playoff game today, Tirico recapped the earlier games of the day. When doing the play-by-play of the Celtics/Hawks Game 7 highlights, Tirico used a pun that should be either be retired or put in the Pun Hall of Fame. He said, “Boston creamed Atlanta 99-65.” I instantly had a visual of the entire Celtics team throwing Boston Cream pies at the Hawks team after their elimination from the playoffs.

If you think that this pun was great, just wait until Tirico unleashes some of the following puns.

“Cleveland steams the Detroit Tigers.”
“University of Pennsylvania dutched Yale University.”
“Buffalo winged the New York Jets.”
“University of California pizza-kitchens Oregon State.”
“Utah mormoned the Houston Rockets.”
“Kansas City barbecues the Cleveland Indians.”
“Cincinnati bowties the Pittsburgh Pirates”
“Chicago deep-dished the Milwaukee Bucks.”
“St. Louis arched over the Chicago Cubs.”
“University of Wisconsin cheesed Penn State.”

More to come…leave a comment

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Marvin Harrison, A Thug?

I know I will have to update this post when even more information comes out about this shooting involving Marvin Harrison’s gun. Allegedly, a patron of a restaurant that Harrison co-owns came in and the two had a heated argument. Harrison allegedly beat him up with his “ninja fists” and then people shot up the patron’s car. The man had a bullet hit his hand and apparently some young child was cut my flying glass.

I can’t even imagine a story like this coming out about Marvin Harrison. I have been a life-long Colts fan and I honestly can’t even remember a time where Harrison even looked mad on the field, the man barely talks. As a fan, I hope that someone has some facts crossed up. I will update with more information as it comes in.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Dinner With Cris Carter & Terrelle Pryor

Okay, I didn’t actually have dinner with Cris Carter and Terelle Pryor, kind of, but not really. I went to Eddie George’s restaurant here in Columbus called Eddie George’s Grille 27. It’s a pretty nice place to eat, I usually go once a month. The place has a great atmosphere and tons of flat-screen tvs to watch any sporting event. I went the night before the spring game and I know the bartenders since I worked there for a short while (it ended horribly, but they have love for America’s White Boy.) They told me that Cris Carter and Terrelle Pryor were both there. I turned around and there they were. I guess I don’t see too many famous people. I was in awe of Cris Carter, ’cause the man is a soon-to-be Hall of Famer and I liked his work on HBO. We’ll see if he brings the same banter and knowledge to ESPN.

I’m not saying Pryor is famous, but he very well could be in a few years. Pryor has been compared to Vince Young and Michael Vick, since he loves to scramble. Anyways, I think I’m going to keep this story shorter the next time I tell people, maybe people will actually think your boy dined with Carter and Pryor.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Brad Penny Is The Man, Plus He Hit An Umpire In The Face

I was watching Sportscenter a few days ago and I witnessed something that scared me, but it made me laugh. Brad Penny threw a 96mph fastball and it hit the umpire square in the chin. The upmire, Kerwin Danley, is an old guy and I can only imagine how much that hurt, but the way it happened was such a lazy mess. Russell Martin, the catcher and Whiteboy’s starting catcher on his fantasy team, just threw up his mitt to catch the ball so slow and lazy that he just clearly missed it. Now I’ve seen Penny’s fastball, a couple seasons ago he smoked Ichiro, Jeter, and Big Papi, 1-2-3, in the first inning of an All-Star game with stuff that clocked around 100mph. Luckily the umpire appears to be doing okay, but c’mon Martin, you’re making my fantasy team look bad. Next year I should get a few roto points for knocking an umpire out.If you really want to blame Penny for this, you can’t. The man is dating Eliza Dushku. Really?! Take a look at Penny, he is seriously 50lbs. and a cut-off shirt away from looking like Larry The Cable Guy. I can’t hate the man, I don’t want to take a fastball to the melon.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

The White Boy Mock NFL Draft – 2008 Edition

I am going to do my best Mel Kiper impersonation, but I will not replicate the hairstyle, that thing is pretty brutal. I’m more of a fan of Todd McShay than Kiper Jr. anyways. McShay has been going toe-to-toe with him for a couple months now. If Matt Ryan goes #3 to Atlanta, look for McShay to punch Kiper Jr. straight in the mug.

Before I start, I will like to state the two moments when Mel Kiper Jr. was extremely wrong. He never talks about them, ‘cause he would lose nearly all credibility. They both involve the Colts picks. The Colts picked Marshall Faulk over Trent Dilfer and Kiper Jr. blew a fuse on camera. An executive actually went on air and said that he didn’t care at all what Kiper Jr. thought about their pick. The next incident happened a few years later when the Colts selected Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf. Kiper Jr. didn’t think it was the right choice for the team, even though I just saw an ESPN commercial that stated that Manning was Kiper Jr.’s #1 rated QB that year….I smell bullshit, son.

Here is my first round mock draft.

1. Miami – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
2. St. Louis – Glen Dorsey, DT, LSU
3. Atlanta – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
4. Oakland – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
5. Kansas City – Vernon Gholston, DE/LB, Ohio State
6. New York Jets – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
7. New England – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
8. Baltimore – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
9. Cincinnati – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, Tennessee State
10. New Orleans – Aqib Talib, DB, Kansas
11. Buffalo – Jeff Otah, OT, Pittsburgh
12. Denver – Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
13. Carolina – Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
14. Chicago – Justin King, DB, Penn State
15. Detroit – Sam Baker, OT, USC
16. Arizona – Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida State
17. Kansas City – Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
18. Houston – DeSean Jackson, WR/KR, California
19. Philadelphia – Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma
20. Tampa Bay – Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
21. Washington – Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
22. Dallas – Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
23. Pittsburgh – James Hardy, WR, Indiana
24. Tennessee – Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee
25. Seattle – Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
26. Jacksonville – Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
27. San Diego – Keith Rivers, OLB, USC
28. Dallas – Branden Albert, OG/OT, Virginia
29. San Francisco – Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
30. Green Bay – Calais Campbell, DE, Miami
31. New York Giants – Dan Connor, LB, Penn State

There are still a few guys out there that I wasn’t sure where to put them, ‘cause their need isn’t there. I would have really liked to put Fred Davis, Early Doucet, Dustin Keller, or Brandon Flowers at the end of the first round, but I wasn’t sure if there was a need for their positions.

My argument about my own mock draft is that I don’t think Oakland should pick McFadden. Justin Fargas and Michael Bush should do a great job in their backfield. A pick of Ryan Clady would make a lot of sense, since their O-Line is pretty weak. They could end up trading McFadden to a team for help in other areas or future draft picks. I think Jerry Jones would love to get him, who knows what kind of package he will throw at Al Davis if the Raiders pick McFadden. Also, I think the Chiefs could pick Chris Long with the #4 pick, but I think they need a solid pass rusher since they just traded Allen yesterday for some draft picks. Vernon Gholston would be a better fit to start right away, he did smoke Jake Long in last year’s OSU/Michigan game a few times.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Indiana Time

Hey Everyone, I’m going to be in Indiana for a couple days, so I don’t know how much I will be able to post. (Parents have a 56k connection, yikes!)

While I am gone, please remember to wrap it up, son.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Up & Down – NBA Draft Prospects

I know the NBA draft is a few months away, but the NCAA tournament is fresh in my mind. I’m sure that a lot of stuff will start to come out about the player’s personal lives until draft time that may sway the teams from picking them, but I don’t want that to affect who we love. We also listed a few players that are down on at the moment. I’m not saying that we don’t think these players will be bad NBA players, but they are clearly over-rated.

Players We Love

Derrick Rose– I think there is a chance that Rose will be picked #1 overall. If the Heat end up with that pick, it will be hard to pass up on the guy. They could end up with an all-Chicago-area backcourt of Wade and Rose. I’m sure Beasley could be very effective with Miami, but a scoring point guard is hard to find in the NBA.

Michael Beasley– Everyone I know think Beasley is the best player in this draft. I think Beasley and Rose are kind of 1a and 1b, because they do different things. They are two players that are hard to compare. Beasley plays like Dwight Howard, but with a nice jumper. He is a definitely a game-changing player and can turn any team in the East into a playoff team.

Kevin Love– Love has amazed every scout that has laid eyes on him. He is more than just a regular big man, Love brings skills that sets him apart from other bigger guys in the draft. His cynics say that he isn’t athletic enough to play in the NBA, but he will end up being a threat whenever he touches the ball. He will be in the league for many years.

Players We Don’t Love

Eric Gordon– I hate doing this to a fellow Hoosier, but he totally tanked at the end of the season. I know Indiana was going through a lot of turmoil, but this could be a sign of things to come. If Gordon is stuck in a situation where his team is losing or plays for a coach that he has no confidence in, Gordon won’t give his best. In his lone NCAA tournament game, he played in his worst game. I’m not 100% sold that he has the “character” to play in the NBA right now, he should have stayed another year and dominated.

O.J. Mayo– Mayo has been a possible #1 pick since he was a sophomore in high school. His choice of going to USC surprised everyone and he had a good freshman year. He is another player that could have benefited from staying another year, albeit he would have to play for Tim Floyd. Floyd is not a good teacher, Mayo should have went to a program with an established winner. Mayo needed a Roy Williams or Coach K-type of coach to guide him to mature into his potential. Mayo will be a top-10 pick, but at this point he is clearly coasting on his name alone.

Hasheem Thabeet– I watched a few UConn games this year and at times Thabeet looked very dominant. His defensive abilities are superb, but he is so raw on the offensive end that he may never be a double-double kind of player. At this point he can be compared to Ben Wallace or Dennis Rodman, but without the ability to grab rebound that isn’t supposed to get. Thabeet is 7-3, he will get a lot of rebound just due to his size, but will never be quick enough to grab as he potentially should. If Thabeet can learn to play in the post, he could have a Dikembe Mutombo kind of career, but that could be wishful-thinking.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

MLB Managers Love Their Uniforms

A lot of people who don’t follow sports ask why baseball managers dress up in uniforms like the players. I’ve never really had an answer for it. I can see why 1st-base and 3rd-base coaches wear the uniforms, they are in the field of play and are more like players than the manager. The argument is that the manager has to come out on the field for pitching changes, double switches, and the occasional heated argument with the umpire.

I know I can’t imagine Pat Riley wearing a basketball uniform or Bill Belichick wearing football gear (He would like the lack of sleeve). I guess I’m just used to seeing overweight, old guys trot out in cleats and stirrups.I’m torn with what the MLB should do if they ever re-think the manager’s uniform. I know baseball tried to fine the Red Sox manager, Terry Francona, for not wearing a uniform under his pull-over. Could you imagine Sparky Anderson or Earl Weaver coming out to argue balls and strikes with the umpire and they were wearing a Pat Riley suit? That is the argument that I like to throw back at the nay-sayers. It is easier to switch rules in the NFL and NBA than in baseball. Baseball fans are purists, they hate anything new. I’m surprised that the DH rule has lasted as long as it had.

If baseball does change the rule, I would like the manager to be able to wear a retro-jersey of a Hall of Fame player from their team’s history. This would be fun to watch and tie in the game of the present with something great from the past. I think I would like to see Bobby Cox sporting a retro Warren Spahn jersey as he’s getting tossed from another game.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.