Category Archives: brandon marshall

2015 NFL Team Preview: New York Jets

funny weird new york jets 2015 nfl season team preview geno smithRex Ryan got the boot this offseason and the Jets hired another defense-first head coach. Todd Bowles improved the Arizona Cardinals defense and turned them into one of the best in the league. Defense isn’t the problem in New York…it’s their piss-poor offense that will cause their downfall in 2015.

Quarterback Geno Smith will start the season on bench with a broken jaw. A linebacker teammate punched him during training camp after Smith refused to reimburse the teammate for travel expenses to an event Smith never showed up for. Here’s some advice, kids…don’t piss off someone whose job is to hit people for a living.

Here is the 2015 NFL team preview for the New York Jets.

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2013 Fantasy Football: Top 50 Wide Receiver Rankings

Julio-Jones-Fantasy-Football-FunnyHere we go again. NFL training camps are right around the corner and we start to focus on fantasy football. It’s never to early to begin studying, right?

Calvin Johnson had a better statistical season than Jerry Rice and Randy Moss last season. Do you think he’ll regress in 2013? Nope, not a chance.

The #2 spot is up for grabs with A.J. Green, Julio Jones and Brandon Marshall the consensus favorite to be ranked at that spot.

Here are our Top 50 Running Backs rankings for the upcoming 2013 NFL season. Continue reading

NFL: Dolphins’ Brian Hartline Works at Convenience Store

Brian-Hartline-Funny+Miami+Dolphins+NFLMiami Dolphins wide receiver Brian Hartline doesn’t fit the mold of an NFL player.

The former Ohio State standout came into the NFL as a fourth-round pick with marginal expectations. He has parlayed his success into a new contract worth $31 million over five seasons. You would think he’s set for life, right?

Hartline doesn’t believe so.

He appeared on Dan LeBatard’s radio show and admitted he was quite busy that day…working at a drive-thru convenience store. Really?!

We explain why he has a second job. Continue reading

2012 Fantasy Football Rankings: Wide Receivers

Calvin Johnson is on the cover of the new Madden game, I guess that should factor into my wide receiver rankings…but it doesn’t. Johnson was a stud in 2011 and Matthew Stafford is going to throw even more than he did last season. The Detroit Lions have zero running game and will need to rely on their vertical game to win games. The New England Patriots and Green Bay Packers are also in similar situations.

A few teams have quarterback issues and you wonder if it will hurt the wide receivers fantasy stock. If the Jacksonville Jaguars had an above average quarterback, I would predict a good rookie season from Justin Blackmon, but I don’t trust Blaine Gabbert. Continue reading

2012 NFL Team Preview: Chicago Bears

Before I go into the Chicago Bears 2012 team preview, let’s breakdown the two biggest stars’ girlfriends. Jay Cutler is still with Kristin Cavallari and now Brian Urlacher is dating Jenny McCarthy. Should I be worried that these guys will be a bit distracted this season? Jim Carray didn’t exactly put out his best work while dating McCarthy. Urlacher may put out a “Fun With Dick and Jane”-type of performance. Yikes!

I may need to dig deeper into both of these relationships later, but I have a lot of team previews to knock out before the NFL season begins.

Now that I got that off my chest, we can get into the Bears preview.

Chicago was one of the best teams in the NFC before Cutler and Forte went down with injuries. They missed the playoffs and realized Mike Martz wasn’t working as their offensive coordinator, so he’s gone.

How will Brandon Marshall perform when he is reunited with Cutler? Will Michael Bush be the complement to Forte they were missing last season?

Here’s our 2012 team preview for the Chicago Bears.

2011 Win/Loss Record: 8-8

Key Additions: WR Brandon Marshall, RB Michael Bush, QB Jason Campbell, CB Kelvin Hayden, LB Blake Costanzo, LB Geno Hayes, DT DeMario Pressley, OG Chilo Rachal, WR Devin Thomas, WR Eric Weems, CB Jonathan Wilhite, RB Lorenzo Booker, TE Evan Rodriguez, LB Shea McClellin, WR Alshon Jeffery and S Brandon Hardin.

Key Losses: S Brandon Meriweather, WR Roy Williams, DT Amobi Okoye, OT Frank Omiyale, QB Caleb Hanie, CB Zack Bowman,  DT Anthony Adams, CB Corey Graham and RB Marion Barber.

Non-Division Schedule: AFC South and NFC West

Fantasy Sleeper: TE Evan Rodriguez – Mike Tice is the new offensive coordinator in Chicago and he will not ignore the tight end position like Martz. Kellen Davis will be the starter, but expect plenty two-TE sets. Cutler checked down to tight ends in Denver and Chicago’s tight ends will be more productive in 2012. Alshon Jeffery will be an interesting sleeper as well. Johnny Knox may start out the season on the PUP list and Cutler will need a big target other than Marshall and his tight ends.

Team Analysis: The NFC North will be the toughest division in the NFL. Detroit and Green Bay will be fighting Chicago for the division crown. The division will all see an easier non-divisional schedule by facing the AFC South and NFC West in 2012. Cutler will be more horizontal this year with quicker plays that won’t take long to develop. He will be thanking God that Martz is no longer calling plays and Marshall is back receiving his passes. Forte and new addition Michael Bush both have great hands. Chicago will have a very good rushing attack. Lance Briggs and Urlacher are another year older and they are still producing like Pro Bowlers. Their defense looked old at times last season, but they added a few younger pieces to help this squad regain their past dominance. You will see Chicago in the playoffs this season, but they may not get in as a divisional winner. The NFC North will be a fun division to watch play out this season.

2012 Wins Over/Under Line: 9 (Prediction: OVER)

2012 Projected Win/Loss Record: 12-4

CLICK HERE to read the rest of our 2012 NFL Team Previews


A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Miami Dolphins to Appear in HBO’s "Hard Knocks"

I know what you’re thinking, the title of this post should be, “Miami Dolphins to Appear on HBO’s ‘Hard Knocks‘ Because Every Other NFL Team Turned HBO Down.” Yeah, that sounds about right.

When you look at the Miami Dolphins roster, you see Reggie Bush and a lot of guys with unknown personalities. Who knows, these guys could be funny and show a lot of heart. The saddest part is they got rid of the most watchable and unpredictable player in the NFL, Brandon Marshall. C’mon, that guy would have given me so much comedy material!

Here are some of the possible story lines we will see on this season’s “Hard Knocks”.

– The Dolphins will allow Chris Bosh, Lebron James, and Dwyane Wade to suit up for a few practices. I can see Brian Windhorst covering that for ESPN’s laughable ‘Heat Index.”

– Reggie Bush is no longer dating Kim Kardashian, that is old news. He is currently dating her stunt-double, Melissa Molinaro. HBO will make sure to have the cameras on her quite a bit. Look below and pick which one is Kardashian and which one is Molinaro.

David Garrard can tell the story about how 10 of the worst teams wanted to sign him last season, but he waited until the last minute to have surgery.

– Everyone FINALLY gets to know the answer to ” Is Joe Philbin related to Regis?”

– We get to know Vernon Davis’ unstable brother, Vontae.

– Karlos Dansby will do an impression of Kurt Warner at least five times during “Hard Knocks”.

– Anthony Fasano will finally admit that Brady Quinn is currently sleeping on his couch.

– A poutine eating contest will be officiated by former Canadian Football League player Cameron Wake.

– Jake Long will lead us to the place where Mike Hart’s career is buried. (Hint: It is in Ann Arbor)

– Richard Marshall tells his teammates that he’s Brandon, since Brandon told half of his teammates that he was either Richard or Mandingo for most of the season.

– Legedu Naanee hosts a team Spelling Bee.

– Mike Pouncey, Will Barker, and Nate Garner will go shirtless until everyone pays them $1,000. If that goes well, they will go nude until a rookie pokes their eyes out. That is what the veterans call the classic “Darwinian Cut.”

– The shell of Steve Slaton pretends that he can still play football.

– Finally, the team has a scavenger hunt with Reggie Bush’s Heisman trophy as the only item listed. (The scavenger hunt was sponsored by all of the past Heisman winners)


A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

Dolphins Trade Brandon Marshall To Bears

The Chicago Bears finally have an elite wide-receiver. Jay Cutler should be happy, because it is a player that he knows very well. The Miami Dolphins traded WR Brandon Marshall to the Chicago Bears for two 3rd-round draft picks. Even though he is coming off his best season with the Dolphins (81 receptions for 1,215 yards with six touchdowns), the price went down for Marshall’s services. The Dolphins gave the Denver Broncos two 2nd-round picks in 2010.

Cutler and Marshall put up some impressive numbers together in Denver. The last three seasons that they were in Denver, Marshall eclipsed 100 receptions each year. The Bears have lacked a prototypical wide-receiver for many years. The last receiver that put up consistent numbers was Bernard Berrian. I’m not saying that Devin Hester and Johnny Knox are bad receivers, but neither of them are a #1 receiving option on a championship contending team.

The Bears still need help on the offensive line and they look to add a few pieces in the upcoming NFL Draft. They should have a chance to add depth to a line has given up a lot of sacks over the past two seasons. They have other needs, but using the draft to pick up a few young offensive linemen is in their best interest.

Marshall is under contract through the 2014 season and has a contract around $9 million dollars per season. This signing could end all of the Mario Williams rumors that have been floating around. Williams is projected to receive a contract that averages at least $15 million per season. A pass rush combo of Julius Peppers and Williams would rival the Giants for the best pass rush in the NFL. Even if they aren’t able to sign Williams, the Bears took a step in the right direction by trading with Marshall.


A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

How To Fix The Chicago Bears

At the beginning of the year, I predicted that the Bears would win the NFC North and the Bears would finish 11-5. I was way off and many experts are left with pie on their face. What went wrong with the Bears? How could this team possibly have trouble scoring points? What happened to Matt Forte? Is Jay Cutler a turnover machine the next Jim McMahon? Does Lance Briggs love McRibs? I answer these important questions.

When the Bears traded for Jay Cutler, it was the greatest day in Chicago since Michael Jordan was wearing the number #23. You didn’t hear anyone thinking that this was a mistake. You heard things like “Chicago has never had a great quarterback” and “Chicago is a lock to win the NFC North.” You didn’t hear things like, “Chicago still haven’t had a great quarterback” and “Chicago looks just awful out there.” The Bears paid a great price for Cutler and they don’t have a #1 pick for the next couple years to help replenish their aging roster.

Why has Jay Cutler looked so bad this year? It’s easy, he has no one to throw it to. It seemed like he was getting a groove with TE Greg Olson, but defenses made note and stopped that from happening. Cutler had to try and make things happen out there with receivers that can’t get open. It’s as simple as that. Cutler was so used to Brandon Marshall, who could get open in a gaggle of geese, to these receivers that couldn’t get open against Verne Troyer. If the Bears can get a few veteran receivers or maybe even Brandon Marshall, Cutler will go back to his “golden boy” status.

I know it’s not as simple as I’m describing it. The Bears are clealy one-dimensional right now. Cutler has to face seven dropping back in coverage because Matt Forte went from stud rookie to old sophomore in a matter of one off-season. Forte hasn’t really had that one great game to help us forget how mediocre he has been this season. I don’t want to blame him completely, because the offensive line hasn’t given him much to run through. It’s a clear collapse of the entire offense, it’s a hard thing to watch.

I can’t fully blame the offense, because the Bears defense have looked just as pedestrian as the offense this season. You can point to the season-ending injury of Brian Urlacher as a possbile blame for their insufficient play. There’s talk that if the Bears keep Lovie Smith as the head coach, they could strip his defensive play-calling, since he has done for the past few seasons. If you had Urlacher this season, it still wouldn’t helped the pass coverage much. You could see this team start to decline defensively last year, but if you need another excuse for the Bears, the offense has left them with horrible defensive field position.

Here is how you would fix the Chicago Bears. It starts with the head coach. The Bears offense had one good season under Lovie Smith, they went to the Super Bowl that year. They had a reckless quarterback, Rex Grossman, and a stout defense. They still have a reckless quarterback, but not the defense or offensive production to match. You hire a big name ex-coach like Bill Cowher or Mike Shanahan to fix everything and give them full control of personnel. You have to get rid of Lovie Smith and offensive coordinator, Ron Turner, as well.

The next step, since you don’t have first-round picks for the next few years, you have to trade a couple pieces to get younger and more athletic. You would have to trade a player like Brian Urlacher for a young left tackle or a high first round pick. You can fix your receiving corps by signing a veteran receiver and using a 2nd-round pick on a possession receiver. You can also get steals in the late rounds to help your secondary. These are steps that need to happen for the Bears to rebuild in a hurry. You have to build your team around Jay Cutler, Matt Forte, and Lance Briggs, those are immovable pieces that you can use as building blocks.

If the Bears want to make a change, just do it. Don’t go in the Washington Redskins route and start stripping the head coach of duties. You need to rip the band-aid off in one motion, don’t make it slow and painful. The Bears have a good quarterback and that isn’t something that Chicago fans are used to. A complete change in philosophy needs to happen and it starts with the head coach and trading Brian Urlacher and move this team in a new direction. Sometimes it’s better this way, even if you know that it will hurt.

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.