39 Snarky Reasons To Watch Every Bowl Game

couch potato college football bowl games 2014-15There are 39 college football bowl games this season and to be honest, not all of them are worth watching. I do my best (and worst) to try to convince everyone to tune into every bowl game this season. I use cheerleader quality, famous alumni, hot girlfriends and I even quote the movie ‘Tombstone’ to coax you.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Nevada vs Louisiana-Lafayette (December 20th) – The game is played at the Superdome, so if you’re into watching a non-neutral site bowl game in which 90% of the fans are rooting for Louisiana-Lafayette, this is your game. Sorry about your damn luck, Nevada.

Gildan New Mexico Bowl: UTEP vs Utah State (December 20th) – I only know UTEP exists because I bet on college football. If I didn’t, I would only know UTEP because Tim Hardaway played basketball there…so watch a team you (may) have never heard of play football!

Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl: Colorado State vs Utah (December 20th) – Utah head coach Kyle Whittingham has a hot niece, Ashley Whittingham…so maybe she’ll be there.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Western Michigan vs Air Force (December 20th) – If you’re a lady and you’re into men in uniform, you will probably get a lady boner. Hey, I’m here to help out the ladies too, guys.

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl: Bowling Green vs South Alabama (December 20th)South Alabama’s Trey Fetner is known as ‘Little Tebow’, so maybe he’ll do some faith healing during halftime.

Miami Beach Bowl: BYU vs Memphis (December 22nd) – Point out which BYU players were on a caffeine bender in South Beach.

Boca Raton Bowl: Marshall vs Northern Illinois (December 23rd) – This game will be worth watching just from all the Marshall vs Western Kentucky highlights they will show during the game.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Navy vs San Diego State (December 23rd) – This bowl game is sponsored by a credit union. Hopefully San Diego County Credit Union has horrible ads like George Hill’s commercial for Indiana Members Credit Union.

Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl: Western Kentucky vs Central Michigan (December 24th) – CMU head coach Dan Enos must have pissed off the fanbase. Not only is there a @FireEnos, but a more specific @FireDanEnosCMU Twitter account was needed. Watch this game and see if there needs to be a third one.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Fresno State vs Rice (December 24th)Toby from ‘The Office’ and your dad’s local car insurance salesman both play for Rice.

Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl: Louisiana Tech vs Illinois (December 26th) – Louisiana Tech’s coach is named Doc Holliday. Let’s hope he wins and quotes Doc Holliday from the movie ‘Tombstone’.

Quick Lane Bowl: North Carolina vs Rutgers (December 26th) – Tune in to make sure this isn’t a PBA event. It sure sounds like an actual game of bowling could break out by the halftime.

BITCOIN St. Petersburg Bowl: UCF vs N.C. State (December 26th) – So, remember the movie ‘The Social Network’ (aka the movie about Facebook that has way too much dialogue)? Well, the Winklevoss twins are all about the BITCOIN. Tune in and maybe you will see what the douche twins look like in real life!

Military Bowl: Virginia Tech vs Cincinnati (December 27th) – You can watch this game, see how bad Virginia Tech is and wonder how the hell they beat Ohio State…AND how the hell Ohio State was voted into the playoff ahead of TCU and Baylor.

Hyundai Sun Bowl: Duke vs Arizona State (December 27th) – Arizona State girls are legit. You need proof? This ASU hottie chugged Fireball whiskey in the stands at a football game. I often wonder why I never went to Arizona State.

Duck Commander Independence Bowl: Miami (FL) vs South Carolina (December 27th) – A bowl game sponsored by the dudes from ‘Duck Dynasty’? I can’t wait for the inevitable racist/homophobic statement one of those guys will make during the trophy ceremony.

New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Boston College vs Penn State (December 27th) – The game might be boring, but just watch the Boston College male cheerleaders throw girls around. They are strong as hell. You wouldn’t want to tease these guys about being male cheerleaders.

National University Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs USC (December 27th) – This game could be ugly. Bo Pelini was canned and I doubt Nebraska is super pumped about playing another game. On the bright side USC CB Josh Shaw will be playing. He’s the guy who lied about jumping off a balcony to save his cousin from drowning…and his teammates aren’t happy about it.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: West Virginia vs Texas A&M (December 29th) – Are you a fan of offense and hate when the other team tries to stop them from scoring? You will effing love this game. They use the word ‘defense’ ironically at West Virginia and Texas A&M.

Russell Athletic Bowl: Oklahoma vs Clemson (December 29th) – Oklahoma quarterback Trevor Knight is dating hottie Kate Williams. I’m sure they will give her the Katherine Webb television treatment.

AdvoCare Texas Bowl: Texas vs Arkansas (December 29th) – Texas head coach Charlie Strong will probably dismiss a dozen more players before this game. Tune in to see who is left on scholarship.

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: Notre Dame vs LSU (December 30th) – I love this time of year. You put away the tree, plan what you’re doing for New Year’s Eve and sit down  to watch Notre Dame get slaughtered by a team from the South.

Belk Bowl: Louisville vs Georgia (December 30th) – This game will show you how dumb Georgia fans can be. They get on their soapbox and call for Mark Richt’s job year after year, but if Georgia was in the ACC, they would probably be in the four-team playoff.

Foster Farms Bowl: Maryland vs Stanford (December 30th) – Watch Stanford demolish Maryland in what is basically a home game for the Cardinal. Since the game is being played on the Niners home turf, I’m sure Jim Harbaugh will be there in his dad pants.

Outback Bowl: Wisconsin vs Auburn (January 1st) – Former Wisconsin head coach and current athletic director Barry Alvarez will coach the team in the Outback Bowl. I hope Melvin Gordon is called ‘Ron Dayne’ by him at least once.

Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl: Minnesota vs Missouri (January 1st) – Big Ten haters will love this game. You will see how truly deeper the SEC is from this game. Missouri is arguably the fifth-best SEC team and Minnesota is the fifth-best Big Ten team. It should be a blood bath.

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl: Houston vs Pittsburgh (January 2nd) – It’s January 2nd and all the best bowl games happened the day before. You’re probably hungover and need to have the television on for background noise. This one is perfect, since both teams will be coached by assistants once Pitt head coach Paul Chryst takes the vacant Wisconsin job.

TaxSlayer Bowl: Iowa vs Tennessee (January 2nd) – Tennessee head coach Butch Jones is on Twitter, but he’s doing it all wrong. He follows Colin Cowherd & ESPN’s First Take. I would root against anyone who follows either show/person.

Valero Alamo Bowl: Kansas State vs UCLA (January 2nd) – Watch UCLA quarterback Brett Hundley fall down every time he’s touched. Why the hell should he give 100% when the NFL Combine is only two months away?

Cactus Bowl: Oklahoma State vs Washington (January 2nd) – Watch this game because you’re a man, dammit!

Birmingham Bowl: East Carolina vs Florida (January 3rd) – Jeff Driskel, Florida’s on-again, off-again starting quarterback (and the butt of many jokes on this site), has a hot girlfriend. Tarin Moses, a former Florida cheerleader, has been dating Driskel since at least 2012. I’m sure they will show her plenty of times.

GoDaddy Bowl: Arkansas State vs Toledo (January 4th) – This will be the first time in four years Arkansas State will have its head coach for their bowl game. It’s not because they were bad and fired their coaches, but because they were so successful that their head coach was been plucked from them every year. Blake Anderson (not the guy from ‘Workaholics’) is Arkansas State’s fifth coach in five years. Enjoy Anderson while he’s there.

Fiesta Bowl: Boise State vs Arizona (December 31st) – Former Arkansas State head coach Bryan Harsin’s Broncos take on Rich Rodriguez’s pesky Arizona squad. This year’s Boise State team isn’t as good as the 2007 team that upset Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. I’m sure they will show the hook & ladder and Statue of Liberty over and over. Hey, maybe a Boise State will propose to a cheerleader again.

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: TCU vs Ole Miss (December 31st) – Former Arkansas State head coach Hugh Freeze’s Ole Miss Rebels take on TCU (who should be in the four-team playoff). The camera will be panning the crowd and you will fall in love with at least a dozen Ole Miss Hotty Toddy fans in the crowd.

Capital One Orange Bowl: Mississippi State vs Georgia Tech (December 31st)Georgia Tech has a crazy ass running attack. Once someone figures out how to stop spread offenses and back-shoulder fade routes, I guarantee you will see the triple-option work in the NFL within the next decade.

AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic: Michigan State vs Baylor (January 1st) – Robert Griffin III will no doubt be on the sideline for this game. He will manage to blow out his other knee giving Bryce Petty a high-five.

Rose Bowl Game: Florida State vs Oregon (January 1st) – Jameis Winston will give another weird post-game interview and no one will understand what the hell he’s taking about.

Allstate Sugar Bowl: Alabama vs Ohio State (January 1st) – This will be what third-string sophomore quarterback Cardale Jones will look like when he see Alabama up-close for the first time.

College Football Championship Game: TBD (January 12th) – Be the first person to throw in your two cents about the need for an eight-team playoff system.

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sweetbob-author-picAbout the Author…

Bobby Roberts (otherwise known as Sweetbob) is the creator of ‘America’s White Boy’ and contributor at Project Shanks. His writing has been featured on ESPN’s ‘SportsNation’, Sports Illustrated’s Hot ClicksGuyspeed, and various other sites. You can follow him on Twitter at @Sweetbob.

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