It’s a running joke here that the Indiana Pacers love their white guys. Larry Bird seems to have a crush on un-athletic white boys who “hustle” and are “scappy.” If David Eckstein played basketball, Bird would sign him today. There are plenty of eligible candidates out there that are of the pale variety, here are some options that could end up rocking the yellow and navy next season and beyond.

Brian Scalabrine – unrestricted – Scalabrine was close to becoming a member of the Pacers before last season. Indiana and Boston tried to workout a sign & trade with Marquis Daniels, but Indiana refused to take Tony Allen. He had some past run-ins with authorities and the Pacers have been shy to take on players with a record since the Palace Brawl. I think Scalabrine would be a nice option once they trade Jeff Foster or Troy Murphy before the trading deadline this season.

Adam Morrison – unrestricted – I really wouldn’t know what to do if Bird signed Morrison. I think more Adam Morrison jokes have been posted on this site than about any other player. I guess it would be karma showing its ugly head that I would have to see him shoot 29% from the field as a member of the Pacers. Please God…don’t ever let him on the Pacers!

Joe Alexander – unrestricted – As much as I want a guy with the nickname “Vanilla Thunder” on the Pacers, I couldn’t stomach it. We already have a guy that can only hit a shot within 3 feet of the basket (Josh McRoberts) and he barely sniffs the hardwood. They might as well give him an ergonomic chair on the bench, wouldn’t want him to have circulation issues.

Steve Novak – unrestricted – The Pacers already have an older version of Novak and his name is Troy Murphy. Murphy has improved his rebounding over the last few years, but Novak will always be known as the “tall kid that could hit 3-pointers when Dwyane Wade was at Marquette.”

Shavlik Randolph – unrestricted – NO MORE DUKE PLAYERS! The Pacers love Duke players and I can’t stand it. I dislike Duke and somehow I am tricked into liking them because they are on the Pacers. It’s a cruel, cruel trick the world plays on me.

Brian Cardinal – unrestricted – Is it sad that Cardinal is 6’8 and it wouldn’t surprise me if he couldn’t get touch the net? He looks like he should be playing on your father’s recreation league team. I don’t know how he ever managed to make it in the NBA, but he has been paid very well over his career.

Chris Quinn – unrestricted – I actually wouldn’t mind if the Pacers signed Quinn. He reminds me of Travis Diener and he did a decent job with the team. They need depth at point guard and I don’t know if transforming Lance Stephenson into a point guard is the correct move.

Jason Williams – unrestricted – Speaking of decent point guard options, Williams would probably be the leading candidate in this bunch. I doubt he would want to play in Indiana, but I think he still has some tread on his tires. Plus, imagine if Indiana signed Joe Alexander and Williams, you would have a “Vanilla Thunder” and “White Chocolate” combo, sounds like a Blizzard at Dairy Queen.

Louis Amundson – unrestricted – Out of all these candidates, I believe Admundson could receive a Brian Cardinal-like contract from a team that fell in love with his play the last few weeks of the season. He had a productive portion of the season when Robin Lopez was banged up. The Pacers probably won’t be able to afford him and I think Phoenix should probably lock him up.

Travis Diener – unrestricted – He already had his shot with the Pacers. He filled in as a nice option at the time, but clearly he wasn’t in their long-term plans. Maybe he can be a minimum contract option for the Heat. He did play with Wade and Novak at Marquette with success.

Well, I know the Pacers don’t have much room under the salary cap and signing a player this off-season could be a long-shot. Once they trade their expiring contracts before the deadline, they could be in need to sign cheap replacements, so these guys could end up on the team if they don’t land with another team this off-season.

I can’t say this enough, please, please don’t sign Adam Morrison. I mean look at the guy!