Brazil beat out Chicago to host the 2016 Olympic games. A lot of Americans are bummed out, but I’m here to help out. We think Chicago would be an awesome place to hold the Olympics. We have Micheal Jordan, Blues Brothers, The huge mirrored bean thing, and Jay Cutler, what more could we ask for. I’m here to sway everyone’s opinion on why Rio De Janeiro, Brazil is a better place to hold the 2016 Olympics. Mark your calendars and book your flights, at least we’ll have an Olympiad near our time zone.

10. Estadio do Marcana – It’s a huge soccer stadium that will hold some of the events. It’s not as cool as that weird bird’s nest thing that China built, but it’s pretty sweet. A lot of great soccer players have played there and it has held World Cups. Ronaldo has probably had a few groupies in it too.

9. Samba Music – Okay, I’ll admit that Chicago may have better music, but wouldn’t you get tired of having guys like Fall Out Boy or the band Chicago play the opening ceremonies? I think samba music would add to feel of the Olympics.

8. Copacabana Beach – Okay, I may have a little obsession with Barry Manilow, but c’mon, they named a bikini after Brazil! It’s one of the best beaches in the world and you can bet that it has some nice “talent.” They know it too, I got that picture off of the tourism site.

7. Christ The Redeemer – Doesn’t that statue just beg for a huge gold medal to be placed around his neck? Maybe that could erect a huge Olympic torch that is attached to one of his hands. Am I the only person that thinks that this is an amazing idea?

6. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu – This is for all of my MMA fans out there. The UFC would just be a bunch of boxers if it wasn’t for Royce Gracie. He won the first, second, and forth Ultimate Fighting Championship and dominated the sport. Since then, about every major champion has had some sort of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training.

5. Rio Is Farther Away From Gary, Indiana – This may have been a low-blow to the natives of Gary, Indiana, but you know what’s up with your town. I have driven through it many times it smells like a combination of root beer, burning tires, and wet dog. Please don’t shoot me, my sneakers are two years old.

4. Adriana Lima Is From Brazil – She isn’t from Rio De Janeiro, but she is from nearby Salvador, Bahia, Brazil. I think for all that she has given this world, maybe we owe her some happiness by having her home country host the Olympics. We’re even Adriana, now you can go ahead and end that ridiculous relationship with Marko Jaric.

3. Brazilian Wax – This could be one of the best inventions/ideas since the airplane. Can you imagine if Chicago invented something called “the Chicago wax”? I can only imagine that it would involve either armpit or facial hair. I mean no insult to the women of Chicago, because it would probably be a wax for the men.

2. Carnaval – This is on my bucket list of events to attend before I die. It is New Orleans Mardi Gras multiplied by ten. Days of just nonstop parades and parties, sounds like a fantastic time. Employers actually make it like a national holiday where people don’t go to work to celebrate.

1. Duran Duran Never Wrote A Song About Chicago – I was a huge fan of “Hungry As A Wolf” when I was little and “Rio” was a great song as well. I would like to start a campaign for Duran Duran’s “Rio” to be the official theme song of the 2016 Olympiad. Who is with me?