Two hockey guys talking hockey.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two die-hard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game, every night (almost).

The guys talk about Viktor Fasth, bad referee calls, who is the best goalie in the Western Conference and if Colorado’s “Guys Night Out” is the NHL team’s ticket promotion with the most popped collars.

It’s also National Chili Day. It’s an excuse to eat your weight in Skyline Chili.

By the way, neither of these guys have a girlfriend.

This is their email conversation the following morning.

Final scores from 2/27/13

PHI 4, WAS 1
MTL 5, TOR 2
LAK 2, DET 1
ANA 5, NSH 1

Pasquali: Sooooooo, I am guessing you are not happy with the Redwings vs. Kings game?

Theisen: I am not unhappy with the way Detroit played or that LA won the game, I’m disappointed that as an NHL fan, I have to watch this absolute joke of officiating that has been going on all year.

Pasquali: The officiating has been subpar, at  best, this season. And that is the general consensus among fans and commentators around the league. Phantom calls, make up calls, missed calls, it is just getting out of hand. Last night in L.A., we saw two very questionable calls back to back lead to a 5-3 power play that LA cashed in on to tie the game 1-1. After that, Anze Kopitar has a sick goal to put LA up for good at 2-1.

Theisen: Well, the second call on Pavel Datsyuk was a penalty because you now can’t use your hand to win a faceoff. It should have never happened. What a terrible call on Kyle Quincey late in the third period of a 1-0 hockey game. I guess the refs just happened to miss this call then?

Pasquali: It is just frustrating when refs miss calls but, it is part of the game. Brendan Smith got hit in the shoulder that he had previously injured but, luckily he did come back later in the game. L.A. has now won 5 in a row and finally appears to be playing like they were last year. How far do you think this Kings team can go?

Theisen: I predicted them to win the Stanley Cup this year against the New York Rangers. So, I’m sticking with it, especially when they get bullsh*t 5-3 power plays that help them steal two points from a team that owned them the whole game.

(*editor’s note*) The Red Wings aren’t getting the calls. Welcome to the club. Signed, Columbus Blue Jackets fans.

Pasquali: Ah, I love it when you are spiteful; I hope your anger continues throughout our entire chat.

Hey, how about my Montreal Canadiens?! Thoroughly dominated the Toronto Maple Leafs last night 5-2. It could have been worse than that. Max Pacioretty had two goals and was a problem for Toronto all evening. The wrister he had to make the game 4-2 was a great snipe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UysuXAa1emQ

Theisen: Montreal keeps up their winning ways. The Habs played a great game last night and when the score was 2-2 it indicated that it was closer than it really was. Looking more and more like I’ll have to call them elite. I’ll give it a couple more games until I put my neck out like that.

The most disappointing part of the game was hearing the “O’le” chant at the Air Canda Centre with no comeback from the Maple Leafs fans.

Pasquali: What comeback to Maple Leafs fans have to Montreal fans? I can’t think of any. The Maple Leaf’s Mike Brown was ejected in the first with a dangerous boarding on Josh Gorges. I don’t think he’ll be suspended, but he could be fined. Brown was lucky to hit the boards with his hip instead of his head.

Theisen: Can we just reinstitute the bear hug rule already? This is an absolute idiotic hit by Brown. He sees his numbers from the circles and still decides to take him out. I think it’s a disgrace that the NHL is going to wait for someone to get seriously hurt on one of these plays until the change the rule.

Pasquali: Yeah, someone is going to get paralyzed before the NHL looks at it.

The other rivalry game of the evening was pretty one sided, with Philly brushing aside Washington 4-1. The Caps had been hot and we both thought they were going to win this one, what did you take away from the game?

Theisen The fact Alex Ovechkin needs to go back to Russia. His NHL prime is way beyond him at this point. Go back to the KHL where you are beloved and tear it up there. Even Mike Milbury (who I think is a complete joke) made a great rip into Ovechkin. The sad part is it’s actually true

Pasquali: Haha yeah, Milbury tears him a new one. Ovechkin didn’t have a game to remember, but I still think he is a good player. Elite? I am not sure anymore, but he belongs in the NHL. Simon Gagne made his return last night to Philly, scoring his first goal of the season in the process. Flyers fans have to be excited to have him back. Also, Ilya Bryzgalov looked solid, though he wasn’t really tested. This was a Capitals team that looked flat.

Theisen: Obviously Ovechkin is still an NHL player, I’m just saying it looks like he doesn’t want to be here and he wants to play Russia, there’s nothing wrong with that. Yeah, Simon Gagne was always a Flyer’s fan favorite. I think he needs to finish his career in Philly. I think this trade for him though may be a set up for a big trade deadline deal. As for Bryzgalov, he’s like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re going to get.

Pasquali: Oh man, I just found out it is National Chili Day. NATIONAL F*CKING CHILI DAY EDDIE!

Eddie: I’m sure Scott Tenorman lives this day in infamy

Pasquali: Are you going to eat chili today?

Theisen: I don’t like chili.

Pasquali: What the hell? How? It is amazing, warm, goodness in a bowl.

(*editor’s note*) I’d go with Skyline Chili. If you’re not anywhere near Cincinnati, Wendy’s is a cheap option.

Theisen: And it reminds you of a very hung-over taco bell sh*t you just had.

Pasquali: Gross. I love the stuff; I am going to get myself a bowl today for sure. In the last game of the night,

Anaheim dismantled Nashville 5-1 behind a Kyle Palmieri hat trick. I was glad to see some actual lids on the ice for this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXqt_-2fxzU

Theisen: We know one thing for sure. The Ducks fan base is at least better than the Panthers. I still think Anaheim needs to get Gordon Bombay behind the bench.

Pasquali: Anaheim’s Viktor Fasth wasn’t really tested, but stopped 20 of 21 shots last night to pick up his 9th win of the season. Yesterday we talked about the best goalies in the East, where do you put Fasth in regards to the West? He has a silly 1.92 GAA and .926 SV% so far this season.

Theisen: He may be the best goalie in the West so far this year. Roberto Luongo makes a strong case. I know Corey Crawford for the Blackhawks has had a strong year, but look at the team playing in front of him. Viktor Fasth means so much more to the Ducks then Crawford means to the Hawks. I’d have to give it to Fasth.

Pasquali: Lots of hockey games on tonight, obviously you care about Chicago v St. Louis more than any of the others. Are your Blues going to knock them off?

Theisen: No, actually I care about Detroit vs San Jose the most, Joe. What kind of fan do you think I am? I’d gladly take a shot to the nuts everyday if it meant a Stanley Cup victory. I think the Blackhawks are going to keep it alive tonight. I have a feeling Chicago will destroy St Louis.

Pasquali: How many hits to the groin would you take if it somehow allowed Detroit to win the cup?

Theisen: I’d easily take five-a-day. Obviously, not if my nuts were destroyed at the end of it all though.

Pasquali: OK, the deal is you take five hits to the groin a day, for two weeks straight. And in the end, you can’t ever father children. BUT, the Red Wings will win the next five Stanley Cups. Would you take that? They would probably give you the key to the city of Detroit and name you Mayor for your sacrifice.

Theisen: Uh, can I go and knock up a girl before that, so I can father at least one kid?

Pasquali: Nope, Satan (Barry Melrose) shows up with a deal in hand tomorrow and says deal or no deal.

Theisen: If it was Howie Mandel with the crowd and suit cases around me and he asked me “Deal or no Deal?” I’d have to take the deal.

Pasquali: You are a true Red Wings fan. Indie hockey game of the evening is easily Calgary at Colorado. BUT, it is ‘guys night out’ at the Pepsi Center. You and your “brah” can get two beers and matching t-shirts with your discounted tickets to this game not many people care about.

Theisen: I know the Avalanche also do a ‘Ladies Night Out’ game. Do they give them a glass of wine, some tampons and a guy to talk to for the entire game?

Pasquali: Haha. Damn, you are feisty today. That loss last night really got to you.

Big game tonight, Boston v Ottawa. Two hot teams, hot goalies, hot chili, hot… girls? Depends how many beers you have had while looking at Boston chicks.

Theisen: I think “Ted” said it perfect about Boston girls. The Bruins should come away with the win tonight. Ottawa has been playing great without their stars, but the Bruins are too big and strong for the Sens I think. I guess we’ll have to see. I’d like to see Chris Neil and Milan Lucic go at it.

Pasquali: Pittsburgh v Carolina is also a big game. Carolina hasn’t been at top form and Pittsburgh just got handled by the mighty Panthers. Cam Ward will have to be stellar for the Hurricanes to get two points tonight.

Theisen: I’d like to see Thomas Voukoun play for the Pens tonight. It’s fun watching him flop like a fish in the crease. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Jordan Staal drop them against someone on his old team?

Pasquali: It’d be fun to see if he did, and of course I’d like to see him go after Crosby…but, Sid rarely scraps.

Theisen: I’d love to see Staal knock out Crosby. It would never happen though. I wouldn’t mind seeing him take on Chris Kunitz, Matt Cooke or Tim Kennedy.

Pasquali: Since you have had a chance to vent and talk some hockey, do you feel better?

Theisen: A little. I’m still pissed though. Maybe some disgusting chili will make it better.

Pasquali: There ya go. Got any big plans this evening?

Theisen: Well, my friend texted me about getting drunk and going to Laser X… so, big plans indeed.

Pasquali: Laser tag and booze? Living the life. No married man could be doing that on a Thursday night.

Theisen: I know right? Take the kid to little league basketball practice, then have to watch “The Bachelor” with your wife? Count me out.

Pasquali: Every day single is a blessing Edward, cherish it.

Pasquali’s Picks (season so far 103-92)

Bruins over Senators
Islanders over Leafs
Rangers over Lightning
Penguins over Hurricanes
Panthers over Sabres
Devils over Jets
Hawks over Blues
Stars over Oilers
Avalanche over Flames
Coyotes over Wild
Wings over Sharks

Theisen’s Picks (season so far 99-96)

Bruins over Senators
Islanders over Leafs
Rangers over Lightning
Penguins over Hurricanes
Sabres over Panthers
Jets over Devils
Hawks over Blues
Stars over Oilers
Avalanche over Flames
Coyotes over Wild
Sharks over Wings