Two hockey guys talking hockey.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two die-hard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game, every night (almost).

The guys talk about how to deal with a breakup, Erik Karlsson’s freak injury, they ask each other if Sidney Crosby is back and tasty food to throw at players.

Did these guys really have enough time to have a long hockey conversation on Valentine’s Day? Did they not have plans?

I forgot…neither of these guys have a girlfriend. This is their email conversation the following morning.


Final Scores from 2/13/13
OTW 2, DET 4
STL 4, DET 3 F/OT
DAL 4, CGY 7

Pasquali: Gooooood morning Edward!

Theisen: Good morning, you watch some My Cousin Skeeter last night?

Pasquali: Can’t say I did, there was a Who’s the Boss? marathon and you know how I love Tony Danza.

Theisen: Charles in Charge!

Pasquali: You’re cruising for a bruising, Eddie. Keep up that nonsense. But hey, thanks for taking time out of your morning for our daily Hockey Talk. I know you must be busy with all the Valentines you are receiving.

Theisen: I’ve had to give a couple unlucky ladies the door today. I’m sure you’re in the same boat as me though.

Pasquali: The Pasquali Valentine’s Day breakup is as follows:

• Bring flowers of a moderate monetary value ($25-30 or 500,000 yen).
• Approach door of girl (or boy, this breakup works on both sexes)
• Place boom box next to you, knock on door.
• Give flowers and card that contains an original break up haiku, example :

• Insert Whitesnake cassette into boombox, press play.
• As “Here I Go Again” blares, quickly dash across yard and do a sweet ass slide across hood of your IROC-Z 28
• Burn out as you leave the scene. Gently wave.

Theisen: John Cusack couldn’t do it any better, Joe.

Pasquali: Well, enough about what we have loved and lost, let’s talk about what is really important, hockey. Only three games last night. St. Louis ended their losing streak with a dramatic OT win in Detroit. That one hurt a little…

Theisen: At first it looked like another drubbing of the Blues, with the Red Wings jumping out to a quick 2-0 lead. Then Patrick Berglund scored a shorthanded goal and that got the Blues right back into the game. The Blues pretty much dominated the rest of the game and in the third period, Detroit didn’t have a shot on goal until about three minutes left in the period. You think it was St Louis finding their game or Detroit showing their weakness with all of their injuries?

Pasquali: I think St. Louis was finding their game. They are a solid hockey team who had been underachieving. We know they can score goals, but their defense over the last couple weeks has been horrendous. They stifled Detroit last night in the second half of that game and were able to generate chance after chance. They deserved the two points.

Theisen: Agreed, Detroit’s blue line is just absolutely atrocious this season, with the exception of Niklas Kronwall and Ian White. Jonathan Ericsson, Kyle Quincey, Jakub Kindl have all been terrible this season and rookie Brian Lashoff has actually played better than all of them combined. Detroit needs to do something about this and soon. A trade needs to happen before the deadline to help this struggling blue line out, or will they wait until July to attempt to pry Alex Edler from the Canucks?

Pasquali: Edler would help, but I don’t know if the Canucks would move him. I’ve seen Calgary’s Jay Bouwmeester talked about as possibly on the move as well. Both would help Detroit on the back-end. Tomas Tatar picked up his first goal of the season last night with a sick move in front of the net. Detroit needs some of these young players to get going if they want to stay in playoff contention.

Theisen: Tatar was compared to Jiri Hudler when he was drafted, and last night I saw a bit of ’08 Hudler in him, just a little more grit.

Speaking of great goals, how about Chris Stewart’s breakaway goal last night against Jimmy Howard. Made it look like they were playing a pick-up game.

Pasquali: You don’t see NHL defenseman or goalies get beat that soundly often, it was a great goal by Stewart. Elsewhere last night we saw the Penguins brush aside the Senators, 4-2, behind two James Neal goals. The big story however is the freak injury of Erik Karlsson. While pinned up against the boards, Matt Cooke’s skate came up and cut him on the back of the leg and lacerating his left Achillies. Gruesome stuff.

Theisen: The one time you can’t blame Matt Cooke for sidelining a player. This was a complete accident and Cooke had no bad intentions. Now the Senators are without their two best players, Jason Spezza and Erik Karlsson. Ottawa loses about 90-100 points of offense this season with their injuries and both are looking like they won’t return this season. What do you do now if you’re the Senators?

Pasquali: Go light some candles and wonder what you did to make the hockey gods so angry. They aren’t going to be outscoring teams regularly, so I guess they have to hope Craig Anderson stays in form. Players like Patrick Wiercioch and Jared Cowen should get more ice time and need to step up as well.

Theisen: You’d have to think the load will now fall on Daniel Alfredsson, Sergei Gonchar and Chris Phillips. I’d like to see if Ottawa now make a push for a big name player, even if it is a rental. On the other hand, the Penguins snapped a two game losing streak last night, dropping both to the Devils in back-to-back nights. Pittsburgh seems to slowly be working their way back to the top of the East and Sidney Crosby seems back to normal, with a goal and two assists last night. I guess we’ll see if they can keep this momentum going entering a hostel Winnipeg Friday

Pasquali: Yeah, Sidney Crosby racked up his 400th career assist with those two helpers. His goal was a good one too, the Pens showing off their quality passing. Have to wonder what the hell Craig Anderson was doing sliding out of the net though.

Pasquali: Not exactly a brick wall last night and what a crazy game! Calgary jumps out to a 4-1 lead in the first and the Saddledome is rocking. Hipster hockey fans really enjoyed their indie game of the evening. Jarome Iginla fought a French kid named Antoine Roussel, and surprisingly it wasn’t as one-sided at all.

Theisen: You know I love those team-oriented goals. Got to go with Jiri Hudler’s power play goal in the first from Alex Tanguay and Dennis Wideman. Yours?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmY-yo6zaB8

Pasquali: That one as well, for an 11 goal game, there weren’t many highlight reel goals. Both Brenden Morrow’s goals were from a foot away. Defense just took the night off.

So Eddie, for the unlucky hockey fans who have to entertain the wife or girlfriend tonight, what will they be missing?

Theisen: Honestly, not much. The only matchup that is compelling to me tonight is Phoenix vs Nashville. All the other games I could live without. I know Netflix has Angry Beavers on it, so may have to tune into that for a while.

Pasquali: Ummm, Panthers v Habs is tonight. What says LOVE more than tickets to a Panthers game. Good seats still available.

Theisen: More people go to Nickelback concerts than Panthers’ games.

Pasquali: Makes you lose faith in humanity just a bit. Leafs and Canes should be a good game, both teams are playing well.

Theisen: Yeah, but  it’s the Maple Leafs. They’re like the Cubs of the NHL.

<*editor’s note> Ouch! Shots fired. (I’m a Cubs fan)

Pasquali: Well, if we had any Leafs fans reading our blog, they just quit. That’s about the biggest insult you can give to a sports franchise.

Theisen: Dude, even Leafs fans know it. They chant “Let’s Go Blue Jays” at games and some people actually throw Eggo Waffles at them last year. It’s not like I’m saying something they haven’t heard before.

Pasquali: How are waffles bad? I’d love more teams to adopt throwing delicious food

Theisen: Better than the Panthers’ Rats I guess.

Pasquali: IDEA. Three possible food items disgruntled fans can hurl on the ice to show their displeasure.

• Twinkies – Their scarcity show the team you’re serious.
• Snack packs – They are delicious and when they explode on the ice, it’d look cool in slow motion.
• Raman noodles – Signifies your team is frugal.

Theisen: Here are my three:

• Crab Rangoon – Capable of throwing long distance and can make a mess if it connects right.
• Corndogs –  Able to throw like a ninja star and shows your team they’re no better than food on a stick.
• Brownies – …because I just really like brownies.

Pasquali: I like all three of these. Damn, I am hungry now. Want to get dinner later? Candlelight table for two in a dark seedy part of town?

Theisen: I think we’ve been single too long now for you to JUST be inviting me, Joe.

Pasquali: Maybe it just took me a while to really notice you, Eddie.

Theisen: Most uncomfortable comment of the day goes to…

Pasquali: Still to you for bringing up “Charles in Charge”, enjoy your evening loser. Go Panthers. RAWWRRRR.

*cue Whitesnake*

Pasquali’s Picks (season so far 47-52)

Rangers over Islanders
Leafs over Canes
Caps over Lightning
Canadiens over Panthers
Predators over Coyotes
Wild over Avalanche

Theisen’s Picks (season so far 45-54)

Rangers over Islanders
Canes over Leafs
Lightning over Capitals
Canadiens over Panthers
Predators over Coyotes
Wild over Avalanche