Category Archives: bartolo colon

America’s White Boy’s 2017 MLB Un-All-Star Team

It has become a yearly tradition that we look at all the former MLB All-Stars that aren’t having very good years.

The season is a little more than half over and it’s not too late for some of these players to bounce back and turn their seasons around. You can look at our Un-All-Star team article last year, many bounced back and finished strong.

Since I’m an active fantasy baseball owner, it didn’t take me long to make this list. I spent most of my time just baffled that some of these guys were actually All-Stars at one point. 

The old benchmark for an All-Star was thrown out with the bathwater when Bud Selig decided each team must have at least one representative in the All-Star Game.

Here is America’s White Boy‘s 2017 MLB Un-All-Star team.

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2017 MLB Season Preview: Atlanta Braves

2017 MLB Season Team Preview Atlanta Braves Bartolo Colon funnyThe Atlanta Braves have made some interesting moves. The team has mostly relied on young talent over the last few seasons while rebuilding, but they turned the page and acquired some veterans who were once All Stars.

The Braves now have two former Cy Young winners in their rotation (Bartolo Colon & R.A. Dickey) and have acquired two other former All Stars since just before last seasons’s trade deadline (Matt Kemp & Brandon Phillips).

Both of the former Cy Young winners are over the age of 40, but if they can get 175 innings out of each of them, they will be worth their salary to mentor their young talent.

Here is the 2017 MLB season preview for the Atlanta Braves.

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It’s Been Too Long My Friends…

I just wanted to post a picture of Katy Perry, I still have a crush. Anyways, it’s been too long since I last posted, I’m in the middle of a lot of things and I have had zero time to work on it. I’m in the middle of moving the national headquarters of America’s White Boy to another apartment, plus one of my roommates had to pay her court fines (don’t drink and drive, folks) and she isn’t going to pay the internet bill. So until mid-July, I am stuck using very inconsistent wireless internet. Instead of posting a thousand new posts about things that I would like to talk about, I am going the cheap route and throwing you some bullet-points.

– The Cubs are still awesome
– Whoever the Bulls pick #1, they will wish they had picked the other guy
– Apparently Asian pitchers are never taught to run the bases (Yankees are finding out the hard way)
– If Chris Lofton goes undrafted, it’s a shame
– Rajon Rondo is a beast
– Glen Davis should always keep his shirt on
– Rocco Mediate isn’t a pool cleaner
– Kobe knows how Shaq’s ass tastes
– Carlos Zambrano can feel pain
– Lou Pinella and Ozzie Guillen will put out a rap album and it will be better than the last Jay-Z album (not hard to do)
– Katy Perry shouldn’t marry the guy from Gym Class Heroes, she must not have gotten the memo of my availability
– The new Alkaline Trio album is very good
– ESPN Fantasy Focus Podcast is my new addiction (they read an email of mine last week)
– I did not receive a million dollars from Vince McMahon of the WWE
– Jay Bruce isn’t curing cancer
– Jermaine O’Neal will be traded before the NBA Draft, Pacers will still be bad
– During the NBA Draft you will hear multiple comparisons of European prospects are the next A) Dirk Nowitzki B) Pau Gasol C) Tony Parker, but in fact none will be.
– No one watches the NHL Draft (I actually attended last year’s, so sad)
– Price Fielder, Bartolo Colon, C.C. Sabathia, and Sidney Ponson can win a tug-of-war contest against the entire Tampa Bay Rays 40-man roster
– Gemma Atkinson is a one-percenter
– Kevin Garnett either thanked ‘Sota, as in Minnesota, or he thanked ‘soda,’ which would lead me to believe that he loves Barq’s Root Beer, A LOT!
– Frisky Dingo is hilarious (Boosh!)
– I still don’t know why Soulja Boy and Ice T are yelling at each other, it’s like watching Dustin Diamond yell at one of kids on “Josh & Drake”
– The Josh Hamilton for Edinson Volquez trade will go down as one of the most evenly balanced trades this decade

On a personal note, please let me give everyone a word of advice. Never sign a year lease with two females, they will hate each other within 6-months, the last 6 months will leave you scared of women, annoyed, and without internet.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.