Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two die-hard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game, every night (almost).
The guys talk about teams who are fighting for playoff position and wonder how the New Jersey Devils are this bad when they’re loaded with talent.
I’ve been holding my breath during the final stretch of the season. I’m a Columbus Blue Jackets fan and they’ve been flirting with the #8 seed in the Western Conference. Will they make it? Probably not, but it’s nice to watch an “almost” playoff team (I’m a Chicago Cubs fan).
This is their email conversation this afternoon.
Pasquali: Man, my face hurts.
Pasquali: Took a hockey stick to the mouth last night during my game. Lip is real busted up, losing 2 bottom teeth.
Theisen: Are you kidding?
Pasquali: Ha, nope. Finished the game though and we won 5-2.
Theisen: Loser. I played two games without getting a stick to the face and scored some goals. Learn from the best
Pasquali: I had one goal.
Theisen: You lost more teeth than you had goals though.
Theisen: That’s old time hockey, Joe.
Pasquali: Indeed. Hitting the dentist today, if they hook it up with some good pills I’ll be sure to share.
Theisen: Not a drug guy, unless you consider alcohol a drug. No pills or powders, if it comes out of the ground it’s probably OK.
Pasquali: I may have to take that McChicken you owe me in shake form. Solid foods could be off the menu for a bit. Spicy McChicken Smoothie
Theisen: I’m sure McDonalds could accommodate that request, seeing as they don’t give a shit what goes into people’s bodies anyway.
Pasquali: Well, let us talk about non-amateur hockey. Season winding down in the NHL and lots of teams fighting for playoffs spots. Our Red Wings got a vital 3-0 win last night to take possession of 8th.
Theisen: Every game from here on out is the most important of the season from the 5th-12th spot. I think the top 8 in each conference right now are going to be in the playoffs. No one gets in and no leaves the top 8
Pasquali: We can hope. In the East I have to agree, the Rangers are too good to not get in and I think Winnipeg has peaked. They have won three in a row, but they have a bit tougher schedule than New York. The Rangers don’t play a single team in the top half of the conference in their remaining games.
Theisen: I think Ottawa will hang on and like you said the Rangers schedule and skill will get them in. The Jets have to hope for the Islanders to tank here in their last 6 games. Winnipeg doesn’t have that hard of a schedule either though. Tampa Bay, Carolina, NYI, Buffalo, Washington and Montreal. The Canadiens being the only elite team from their remaining games. Let’s see if the Isles collapse
Pasquali: Did you just call Montreal elite? Hold on let me get this down
Theisen: Elite for their conference. I think they’d get owned in the West. Don’t make me go on a rant here.
Pasquali: So if Montreal were in the West, where would you rank them?
Theisen: They’d probably be a 5 or 6 seed in the West.
Pasquali: Interesting. Staying in the East, the Washington Capitals are on fire and Alex Ovechkin is playing like an MVP. We had just written him off as washed up and then BAM, the dude is on fire. The Capitals are going to be a very tough out in the playoffs, I don’t think anyone wants to play this team. Their 6-5 OT win against Tampa Saturday night was a thriller!
Theisen: If I’m a Toronto fan I want my team to drop down to the 6th seed and play Washington instead of the 4th seeded Bruins. Even though Washington is getting hot at the right time, I’d rather play Washington than Boston.
Pasquali: Yeah, but we both know we want Toronto to drop to the 7 seed and play Montreal in the first round. The drama, the emotion, the riots.
Theisen: That’d be an awesome first round matchup. Original six playoff series can never be beat.
Pasquali: Speaking of original six, were you a little sad to watch Detroit’s last game as division rivals with Chicago? Moving to the East is going to be weird.
Theisen: Not really because Chicago is going to be a great team for the next 10 or so years and Detroit is in a mini rebuilding era. So the fact we’ll only have to play them twice makes me happy.
Pasquali: Staying in the West, Nashville and Edmonton have lost six and five in a row respectively. Do you see coaching changes happening for either team in the off-season? Expectations for Edmonton weren’t THAT high, but Nashville thought they’d stay a contender.
Theisen: I doubt it. Ralph Krueger in only his first year with Edmonton and Barry Trotz is still a great coach for this Predators team. Think of the coaches available. If you’re David Poille do you really think there’s a better option than Trotz out there. I don’t think so
Although I could see Edmonton’s GM Steve Tambellini possibly get fired.
Pasquali: And then you have the slide of the New Jersey Devils in the East. This was a team we thought was one of the best in the conference earlier in the year. Now they have lost 9 in a row and won’t make the playoffs. This is a team that needs some changes. And Brodeur can’t play forever.
Theisen: I can’t believe my Devils are playing this terrible. They’ll pretty much have to win out or maybe a 6-0-1 record could get them in. Brodeur with 7 straight shutouts?
Pasquali: Haha not happening. This team is done. Stick a fork in them and tell the boys to break out the golf clubs. The flyers are done. This is another team that needs a facelift during the summer.
Theisen: If there is one team with a worse blue line than Detroit it’s Philadelphia. Kurtis Foster, Bruno Gervais, Nicklas Grossman and Kent Huskins. This team needs to fill the gap with Pronger’s injury
Pasquali: That is a pretty bad defense. Doesn’t help when you have a not so great goalie behind you. With the season winding down, we can start to talk about season awards. Crosby should get the MVP unless Ovechkin scores 20 points in Washington’s final games.
Theisen: I don’t think Crosby will win it because of injury again. If the Islanders make the playoffs there is no question Jonthan Tavares should win it. He has 42 points in 42 games this season and has been without a doubt their best player.
Pasquali: Wow. Taveres as the MVP… I don’t know. It’d be cool, but the league loves Sid. Hey, our Parise v Stastny PIM race is coming down to the wire. Your boy gooned it up last week, 4 penalty minutes in one week! Who is this guy? Paul leads Zach 6-4.
Theisen: Ohhhhh buddy. Hopefully he can high stick Dubinsky tonight and get 4 PIM tonight
Pasquali: Ugh, don’t talk about high sticking.
Theisen: Beer League hero. Fight through the pain.
Pasquali: I am trying. I currently sound like Bubba from Forest Gump when I talk.
Pasquali: My family knows ever’thing there is to know ’bout the shrimpin’ bidness
Theisen: We need to start a hockey team based on Bubba Gump. It’s only right to respect the greatest fictional shrimping company.
Pasquali: Bubba Gump hockey club. I like it. We could have a big boat on the front of it. And we could go to Red Lobster after every win. Are you writing this down?
Theisen: I was thinking the finest shrimp in town. Golden Corral of course. The endless shrimp buffet all for around $10.
Pasquali: LOOK WHAT I FOUND. We’d have to get rid of “ball hockey”, but it is pretty perfect.
Theisen: Shouldn’t the shrimp be black?
Pasquali: What kind of shrimp are you eating?
Theisen: Too much Golden Corral I guess.
Pasquali: Hahaha. Some big games tonight and some not so big games tonight. While checking out the schedule I couldn’t help but notice ESPN adds stubhub prices on the right side. Columbus at Colorado has tickets available starting at 2 dollars. Two. Vancouver at Nashville will cost you just a buck more than that.
Theisen: Colorado has been so bad this season I’m surprised they’re not giving you $2 to go to the game. Nashville’s done now too and probably just hoping to get people to watch the game in some form. Kelly Pickler may be playing tonight too.
Pasquali: Would you rather be at CBJ @ COL, VAN @ NSH, or MIN @ CGY?
Theisen: Cross out Vancouver @Nashville because that has absolutely zero implications. Minnesota @Calgary is a huge game, but Columbus @Colorado is the hipster game of the night. I’ll go with the Jackets and Avs. Hopefully it’s guys night out. I just read on TSN that the Oilers have fired GM Steve Tambellini. Don’t call me a genius Joe.
Pasquali: I’ve called you a lot of things Edward, but genius isn’t one of them. Why fire him with just a handful of games left and the trade deadline over?
Theisen: They were still in contention around the trade deadline and now they’ve lost 5 in a row since then and dropped out of the playoff race. The man’s had 3 straight first overall picks and they haven’t made the playoffs since their Cup Finals run in 2006. Something had to change.
Pasquali: But the GM doesn’t make decisions that lead to five losses in a row near the end of the season, which is on the players and coaches. I agree he hasn’t drafted well or made good moves, but to me that is a move you make in the summer.
Theisen: They already fired former head coach Tom Renney before this season. Unless you want to fire the complete Oilers’ roster. The management probably wanted to shake things up and maybe next year get this team into the playoffs.
Pasquali: Well I got to head to my dentist appointment. What are you doing this evening Eddie?
Theisen: Probably watch some hockey and if I can get some Bravas Hot Dogs to go with it, I’d be in heaven.
Pasquali: Haha I am not sure if they will be out tonight, but Tuesday they are usually out late. Well I will let you know how it all goes.
Theisen: Alright good luck with your busted teeth hillbilly.
Pasquali: F*ck off!