NHL Talk: Edward Pasquale, Nordiques Bet & WNBA Fights

Clark+Griswold+Vacation+Blackhawks+JerseyTwo hockey guys talking hockey.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two die-hard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game, every night (almost).

The guys talk about the Joe’s long-lost cousin, Edward Pasquale’s NHL debut, cutting in line at fast food places, their new bet involving Nordiques & North Stars gear, and WNBA cat fights.

Whoever loses their hockey bet, one of the guys will get hipster hockey cred by sporting extinct NHL team gear.

This is their email conversation the following morning.

Final Scores from 3/14/13

BOS 4, FLA 1
PIT 3, TOR 1
WAS 3, CAR 2
CHI 2, CBJ 1 F/SO
NYI 2, TMB 0
WIN 3, NYR 1
STL 3, PHX 0
MIN 5, COL 3
ANA 2, DAL 1 F/SO
VAN 7, NSH 4
SJS 4, LAK 3

Pasquali: Salutations and a happy Friday, Sir Edward.

Theisen: Happy Friday, Broseph!

Pasquali: I’d hope I could go through life without ever seeing that video again… but it is so damn catchy. Hey check out this awesome Datsyuk video.

Theisen: Is that Rick Astley?

Pasquali: The one and only. By the way, Alex Ovechkin had a great game. Six shots on goal, a goal and an assist. No starter jacket for me. Capitals got some surprise quality goaltending from Michal Neuvirth and got a quality win. Fun fact, Ovechkin’s goal was his 700th point of his career.

Theisen: Damn. Ovechkin making my logic look flawed.

Pasquali: Yeah, he must have read the blog and really wanted to show you what was up.

Theisen: That has to be it, what other reason would there be?

Pasquali: None that I can think of. How about those Maple Leafs last night? That game summed up the Toronto franchise we have grown to know and make fun of. Strong start and gaining the lead, which brings belief and optimism. Followed by Sidney Crosby doing this and destroying all hope, bringing Toronto back down to earth and the Penguins eventually winning 3-1.

Theisen: Slap me silly, Sidney

The Maple Leafs are one of my favorite franchises just because they’re so bad. They’re the Cubs of the NHL.

*editor’s note* Low blow, Eddie. #CubsFan

Pasquali: Yeah, that pass was insane though. I was watching the game and just went “holy sh*t”. Pittsburgh has now won seven straight and shows no signs of slowing down. They welcome the lackluster Rangers to the Consol Energy Center tomorrow, a game I think they’ll win. Hell, New York couldn’t beat the Jets last night.

Theisen: What’s that supposed to mean? The Jets are a good hockey team and racing the Rangers for the 8th spot. How dare you spit on the great Winnipeg name.

Pasquali: Hey now, I wouldn’t say I exactly “spit” on them, just saying Winnipeg doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of many NHL teams. BUT HOLY HELL, this just happened. Add Winnipeg to my list of favorite teams.

Jets recall Eddie Pasquale from the Ice Caps

Theisen: I think the fans are the most threatening part of Winnipeg. Is this our long lost brother?

Pasquali: Yes, yes it is. Eddie Pasquale!! I am trying like hell to find out how to get a jersey. We need to contact Winnipeg and get this guy on the phone or something. New favorite player. Go Winnipeg, Go Ice Caps, Go Eddie P!

Theisen: Sounds like he’s hockey’s future to me.

Pasquali: Also he is a f*cking MAN. He fights!

Theisen: Red Wings need to trade anything to get this guy

Pasquali: As Red Wings fan, I would now hope Detroit trades anyone aside from Datsyuk or Zetterberg to acquire the greatest young goalie in the game today, Edward Pasquale. Detroit is lacking that toughness. TooToo helps, but having a guy like Pasquale in net tells every team, “Hey, our enforcer is ALWAYS on the ice.”

Theisen: Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to trading Datsyuk next year, seeing that he’ll be on the last year of his contract and probably go back to Russia.

Pasquali: Ehhh I love Pav. I think he’ll stick around and retire a Wing. A mega upset ALMOST occurred last night, with the Blue Jackets forcing a shootout against Chicago. The Hawks came out on top in the skills competition, as once again Patrick Kane essentially skated to a stop in front of an opposing goalie.

Theisen: It’s just not even fair. It’s like an NHL’09 glitch goal.

Pasquali: Maybe opposing goalies should just charge way out and throw their bodies at him.

Theisen: Then he’ll just get to re-shoot and score on that try, haha.

Pasquali: Unless the goalie hurts him with their big, bulky body and hard pads.

Hey the Islanders won a game! Is Guy Boucher going to get fired from the Lightning? This team has just been very “meh” since their hot start. Getting shutout 2-0 by the second best team in New York when the Rangers aren’t even good is not a great sign for your franchise.

Theisen: I can’t believe he is still the coach. I thought he’d be fired 15 games into the season. The Islanders are definitely not a solid defensive core. Lindy Ruff is looking for some work? Fire him and make Dan Lacroix interim coach for the time being.

Pasquali: Tampa is falling fast; I have to think a move is coming soon. They have too much talent to not make the postseason in the East.

Back out West, Rookie goalie Jake Allen has been a pleasant surprise for the St. Louis Blues. The kid is 7-1 now as a starter and got a 3-0 shutout win last night against the Phoenix Coyotes. After just getting called up a few weeks ago, he has made an instant impact on the Blues and they find themselves 4th place in the West, winning four of their last five.

Theisen: The Blues have started to play like the team we saw last year. Maybe Jake Allen is just their Brian Elliot for this season. Once Halak returns in full health, this team should be fine. Still hope they miss the playoffs just to make me look smart though.

Pasquali: It’ll take a lot more than that to make you look smart.

Theisen: I once snuck in-between two cars in a McDonalds line and got a free meal. Is that something a stupid person does? That’s just being economically smart.

Pasquali: Sounds like something a fat person does.

Theisen: So, if it was Subway it’d be okay?

Jared-subway

Pasquali: Yeah, I guess that would be better. Eat Fresh. How did you sneak in line anyways? I mean, I know the people working there don’t even have a GED, just wondering about your maneuver.

Theisen: It has to be a McDonalds with two windows. When a person is paying at the first window and someone’s getting their food at the second window, make your move and swoop in the middle of them. Just hope they didn’t get the McRib or Filet-O-Fish

Pasquali: Wow. You have done some low things in your life, Eddie, a few of which I have witnessed firsthand, but that is pretty bad. Still has me laughing though.

Theisen: You had an incident at a local Taco Bell that I still can use as blackmail towards you

Pasquali: Oh damn. Yeah, let’s move on

How about those Canucks?

Theisen: Puttin up a 7-spot. Didn’t see that coming with how bad their play has been Especially, after only putting up a goal against the Jackets a couple of days ago

Pasquali: I was surprised as well by the offensive outburst, but we really shouldn’t be. Vancouver is a veteran team and they aren’t going to go into long slumps. One reason they consistently make the playoffs.

Theisen: That veteran leadership has really paid off in the playoffs too (slap to the balls).

Pasquali: Just saying Vancouver is a good team, and yes I know they usually end up falling short. But hey, so does San Jose.

Theisen: Yeah but they’re from California, so it doesn’t matter.

Pasquali: And speaking of slaps to the balls, did you get to hit your friend or win anything since Chicago didn’t make it to 25 straight?

Theisen: No, who would’ve actually taken that bet? It was made 12 games into the season.

Pasquali: We are talking about Chicago fans…

Theisen: Yeah, so they have no knowledge of what’s going on anyway.

Pasquali: I would say more than half of Blackhawks fans still think the streak is going. A good number will be sitting around in July and while discussing IU basketball/ND Football will utter the phrase, “Hey, did the Hawks win it the Cup? They had to right? I remember how awesome they were doing at some point in the season or something. They’re the best.”

Theisen: You know who’s a huge Blackhawks fan.

Clark-Griswold-Jersey-Movie2

Pasquali: Haha, sweet jersey. Yeah, no one is perfect I guess. Well, with the Canes falling short of shutting down Ovi, I need a new bet that could equal in me getting some gear. Your Ericsson bet kicks off tonight. Go Jonathan go.

Theisen: Do I actually have to wear this or can I just buy it then burn it?

Pasquali: Oh, you have to wear it and cherish it. Whatever it is. I was thinking like an autographed photo from Jonathan. We could frame it and put it next to your bed.

Theisen: No, absolutely not. I’d rather get a signed Adam Foote picture.

Pasquali: Hahaha. We’ll think of something IF the time comes. For me, all that Whalers talk got me wanting more retro gear. I’ll do a bet with Minnesota and if they come through I’ll get a North Stars t-shirt.

Theisen: Minnesota and the Avalanche play each other Saturday. I’ll take the Avs and if the bet happens, I’ll get a Nordiques shirt.

Pasquali: Okay, sounds like a plan. Avs win, you are rocking the Nordiques. Wild win and I get a North Stars shirt. BOOM. GO WILD!

Theisen: Well, current member of the Wild Zach Parise, his dad, J.P Parise, played for the Minnesota North Stars. Also, current member of the Avalanche, Paul Stastny, his dad, Peter Stastny, played for the Nordiques. Shouldn’t we get something going with these two guys?

Pasquali: Oh cool, I did not know that. They’re close on points right now. Paul has 17 and Zach 21. But who cares about offensive numbers. Zach has 12 penalty minutes and Paul has 8. Who racks up more PIM by season’s end wins?

Theisen: That’s a bet right there

Pasquali: OK, and this time loser buys the gear. So, Zach gets more and you are buying me something.

Theisen: How about from this point on we start at zero and whomever gets more PIM wins.

Pasquali: OK, that works and is fair. I hope Zach goons it up.

Theisen: Stastny and Parise have to drop them now on Saturday.

Pasquali: I am afraid Paul would get his ass kicked. Look at this Parise fight from 2008. Zach gets sucker punched by Dan Boyle and gets right up for blood.

Theisen: Stastny can goon it up too!

Pasquali: Haha, I love the subtle F U elbow. Cheap shot, but funny.

Theisen: Not as funny as the WNBA, but still pretty good.

Pasquali: Terrible. OK, big weekend of hockey ahead. Some great games and the possible NHL debut of the great Edward Pasquale. What are you looking forward to?

Theisen: Excited to see how Boston responds to their blown lead against the Capitals when they rematch Saturday. I bet Boston screws them in a very uncomfortable way.

Pasquali: I am excited to watch some late night Red Wings hockey. At Edmonton tonight and then at Vancouver tomorrow. Also, Chicago at Dallas intrigues me. I think Dallas can and will win that game tomorrow night. Indie hockey game of the weekend has to go to Phoenix at Columbus. Blehhhhh.

I do hope Steve Mason doesn’t check the Columbus website.

Blue+Jackets+Goalie+Poll

Theisen: I think the other 15% that voted for Mason didn’t expect him to win a game this year and he has already passed expectations.

Pasquali: Yeah, that is probably it. Do you have any big plans, Eddie? Getting mega-trashed for St. Patty’s day?

Theisen: Going to Indy to watch my brother and the Indianapolis Ice U-18 squad take regionals… yes, St Patty’s Day is a must though.

Pasquali: Cool cool. Tell Ryan good luck for me! Try not to go too nuts, people will want a hockey talk on Monday, I am sure.

Theisen: I’m drunk every time we do this.

Pasquali’s Picks (season so far 144-120)

FRIDAY

Devils over Flyers
Flames over Predators
Wings over Oilers

SATURDAY

Bruins over Capitals
Penguins over Rangers
Senators over Sabres
Wild over Avalanche
Jets over Leafs
Canadiens over Devils
Hurricanes over Lightning
Blue Jackets over Coyotes
Panthers over Islanders
Ducks over Blues
Stars over Blackhawks
Canucks over Red Wings
Kings over Sharks

SUNDAY

Penguins over Bruins
Senators over Jets
Capitals over Sabres
Predators over Oilers

Theisen’s Picks (season so far 144-120)

FRIDAY

Devils over Flyers
Flames over Predators
Wings over Oilers

SATURDAY

Bruins over Capitals
Penguins over Rangers
Sabres over Senators
Wild over Avalanche
Leafs over Jets
Devils over Canadiens
Lightning over Hurricanes
Blue Jackets over Coyotes
Panthers over Islanders
Ducks over Blues
Blackhawks over Stars
Canucks over Red Wings
Kings over Sharks

SUNDAY

Bruins over Penguins
Senators over Jets
Capitals over Sabres
Oilers over Predators

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