NHL Talk: David Clarkson, Biting & Michael Bolton

Two hockey guys talking hockey.

Joe Pasquali and Eddie Theisen are two die-hard NHL fans. They both watch every hockey game, every night (almost).

The guys talk about weekend hook-ups, how David Clarkson is making Devils fans forget about Zach Parise and why the Florida Panthers are making Joe a fan. The guys also mention what they’re giving up for Lent.

For Lent, I’m giving up drinking cheap beer and hooking up with ugly women at bars. For the next forty days and forty nights, it’s only good craft beer and the finest of ladies…then back to Pabst and women with low self-esteem.

By the way, neither of these guys have a girlfriend. This is their email conversation the following morning.

Scores from 2/11/13

TOR 5, PHI 2
CAR 6, NYI 4
CBJ 6, SJ 2
LAK 4, STL 1
PHX 3, COL 2 F/OT
MIN 2, CALGARY 1 F/SO

Pasquali: Dude, you were drunk Saturday. I had no idea you could actually do “the worm” or speak Russian.

Theisen: When the fuck did I do either of these?

Pasquali: You don’t remember doing the worm? We cleared plenty of space on and you still knocked some chick over. As for the Russian, I assumed that’s what you were speaking. It wasn’t English.

Theisen: Dude, I don’t remember any of this. I probably failed at the worm then…

Pasquali: No, you nailed it. You also told me Florida was winning their division. Drunk Eddie loves the Panthers.

Theisen: Now I know I did NOT do that.

Pasquali: Youz a hot mess. Oh, Happy Fat Tuesday. Repeat performance of Saturday?

Theisen: Ugh, no. What are you giving up tomorrow?

Pasquali: For Lent, I am not going to watch any Ryan Reynolds movies, he is my guilty pleasure. Yourself?

Theisen: Thought I’d put the Michael Bolton records in the attic for a while.

Pasquali: Sacrifices. I can’t decide if I’ll start my marathon today with Daredevil or Green Lantern. Uggghhh, the choices.

Theisen: I’m stuck on whether to listen to “Soul Provider” or “Time, Love and Tenderness” first.

Pasquali: Just do what is in your heart. Well, I know one thing, we both won’t give up for Lent is hockey…or dancing. You are a madman Eddie. Were you just celebrating a Red Wings win or trying out for Stomp the Yard 7?

Theisen: More of a Footloose guy, but the Red Wings did have a nice battle with the Oilers Saturday, getting the win 2-1. Despite not getting a point, Taylor Hall seemed to be the best Oiler that game. Seems like the kid is developing into a great two way player for Edmonton.

Pasquali: That was Edmonton’s fifth straight loss, though three of those were in a shootout or OT. They are playing everyone tough! I think this team is a bit away from being a contender but they can shake it up in the playoffs. Luckily, they beat Columbus Sunday to end their snide, but we are seeing lots of streaky teams out there. Devils and Canucks have both won five in a row, and I know you and I were both impressed by New Jersey winning back-to-back games against the Penguins this weekend.

Theisen: The Devils have been a great surprise this season. Everyone counted them out after losing Zach Parise to the Minnesota Wild last July. People were also wondering if Brodeur could still be an elite goalie. I think the Devils’ best player has been David Clarkson. He has nine goals and six assists so far this season and can also fight. The NHL could have a new Corey Perry on its hands now.

Pasquali: Also in the East, Toronto has won four in a row, including a 6-0 win against Montreal on Saturday and a 5-2 victory against the Flyers last night. Surprised by the Leafs? They were completely “oot” playing Philly.

Clarke MacArther One-Timer – Feb 11th, 2013

Theisen: Very surprised. The Leafs looked like they were off to another 12 seed again this year, but have been playing like a playoff team lately. Phil Kessel leads the Leafs in points with 11, despite only having two goals. James Van Riemsdyk seems to be the goal scorer this year for Toronto, already netting eight. Another surprise this year has been the Blues, losing their 5th straight last night to the Kings. Should Ken Hitchcock be worried about his team right now?

Pasquali: VERY worried. They can’t stop anyone! The 6-5 shootout loss to Anaheim on Saturday was entertaining, but if you’re a Blues fan you have to be tired of seeing other teams light the lamp. On this losing streak, they’ve given up an average of five goals a game and now they go on a three game road trip.

Theisen: You can’t be losing five games in a row in a 48 game season and expect to make the playoffs. The Blues need to use this road trip as a turning point in their season. Every Stanley Cup team has to face adversity at some point in the season, maybe this could be the Blues point.

Another team facing some hard times right now are the Flyers. This team just looks dysfunctional doesn’t it?

Pasquali: No consistency and they can’t string any wins together right now. They are the fourth best team in their division, and that isn’t good enough for the amount of talent on this roster.

One team we both thought was underachieving was the Rangers, but they had an impressive 5-1 win against the Lightning (who have lost four in a row). New York starting to click or Tampa just not as good as people thought?

Theisen: I think it’s a bit of both. New York seems to be getting back to their form from last season and Tampa Bay seems to be slumping at the moment. I still think the Lightning will win their division because of how bad it is, Carolina will be the only team to compete with them for the Southeast. I think the Rangers still have a chance at the Atlantic even with the Devils and Penguins ahead of them at the moment. Who do you think will come out on top of the Atlantic?

Pasquali: Got to go with the Devils. Two strong goalies, four solid lines, and some toughness, I think they are the most complete team in the Eastern Conference.

Out West, Anaheim has the lead now in the Pacific. They are playing well, but the big story is San Jose. They’ve lost five straight, including a 6-2 drubbing against the BLUE JACKETS! Who saw that coming?

Theisen: Ummm, no one. The Pacific division has definitely been upside down this year. You have the Ducks in first, who missed the playoffs last year. The Stanley Cup Champion L.A. Kings in last and the Coyotes still competing for another Pacific division, despite everything their franchise is going through on and off the ice. I have to say the Ducks will win the Pacific this season. They look more talented and consistent than any other team in the division.

Pasquali: Mike Smith has really bounced back from his bad night last week against Chicago. Back-to-back wins in which he stopped a total of 74 shots!

If Phoenix makes the playoffs, it’ll be a real testament to how mentally strong this team is, can’t be easy to play hockey with a constant circus going on.

Theisen: Then you have the Northwest which looks like another Canucks division title. They’re the only team from the Northwest to be in a playoff spot right now, with Edmonton, Minnesota, Calgary and Colorado all in the bottom six in the west.

Pasquali: The only surprise team in the Northwest is Minnesota. This team should be better. They are 29th in the league in goals scored, averaging just 2.0 goals a game. Tonight, they go to Vancouver, a game they will not be favored to win.

Theisen: They have been a big disappointment this season. Look at their two big free agent pickups this year. Zach Parise has been their best player with six goals and four assists this season. Ryan Suter has been their worst player. Suter is currently a -6 and not worth $98 million. Goaltending has been pretty good for them as they sit 12th in goals against with 2.5 a game. You’re not surprised to see Edmonton doing better than 10th? I thought they’d be a bit more of a contender this season

Pasquali: Not really, they are young and the West is loaded, as always. Any highlights jump out at you from the weekend? I got to give love to two big hits. Drew Doughty on Pavel Datsyuk.

Drew Doughty Hits Pavel Datsyuk – Feb. 10th, 2013

And Jack Johnson of the Blue Jackets crushing Jordan Eberle.

Jack Johnson’s Huge Hit on Jordan Elerbe – Feb. 10th, 2013

Theisen: I got to go with Datsyuk’s goal against the Kings.

Pavel Datsyuk Splits Defense – Feb. 10th, 2013

And Mikhail Grabovski’s bite on Max Pacioretty. Grabovski looked hungry.

Grabovski/Pacioretty Bite-gate Video

Pasquali: Hungry for a win! Have you ever been bit during a hockey game?

Theisen: No, but my goalie tried assaulting me with a rake once during our pregame warm up.

Pasquali: Oh, well, that sounds unfortunate. Anyways…Blackhawks still haven’t lost in regulation and got their first shutout since that time you made out with that ugly chick’s ugly friend.

Theisen: Shut up. I know you are just hurting from the Panther’s losing 5-0 to the Caps this weekend, considering you’ve had a hockey hard on for them all year.

Pasquali: Meow-roar. Elsewhere around the league, Boston is off to their best start ever, Islanders suck, and Colorado can’t score this thing called a “goal”. Miss anything?

Theisen: Don’t think so, I’m just ready for this Rangers vs Bruins game tonight… It’s gonna be a blood bath.

Tom Green Agrees with Joe

Pasquali: Yeah, ten games tonight. For the mainstream fans, I also recommend Anaheim at Chicago or Carolina at New Jersey. Both matchups of division leaders. And for you Indie hockey fans, enjoy Dallas at Edmonton, because no one else will.

Theisen: Dallas at Edmonton is Joe Pasquali’s hipster hockey game of the night.

Pasquali: Bobby, music recommendation for Stars at Oilers?

New Division – “Kids” (Hipster Music for Dallas v. Oilers)

Montreal is at Tampa tonight, both teams with losing streaks. Someone has to win this one, right?

Theisen: Unless Jean Claude Van Damme has to defuse bombs around Tampa Bay Times Forum and save the Vice President.

Pasquali: I’ll handicap the game as Lightning -300, Habs +300, Game turning into the movie Sudden Death is +10000. It’s possible. As people can see at the bottom of the page, I have now passed you in “our picks”. You better get back on track. You have a “lock” for tonight?

Theisen: Still a lot of hockey to be played, my lock for tonight will be the Winnipeg Jets. The Flyers lost a tough one last night in Toronto and have to decide to go with Brian Boucher or Ilya Brzygalov between the pipes… not exactly a coach’s dream. Who’s your lock? Assuming the Panthers

Pasquali: I do think the Panthers beat the Caps, but my lock is Vancouver over Minnesota. Close game, but the Canucks take it. So, you watching hockey all night or hitting the bars to check out girls with low self-esteem?

Theisen: Got to say, I’m staying in and watching hockey while reading “The Man Inside Me” by Tobias Funke.

Pasquali: Good choice. Got to save some of your moves for spring break.

Theisen: I got plenty left in the tank, same can’t be said for you and your cut off jean shorts.

Pasquali: If you had these legs you’d be showing them off too.

Pasquali’s Picks (season so far 42-44)

Devils over Canes
Bruins over Rangers
Senators over Sabres
Lightning over Canadiens
Panthers over Capitals
Flyers over Jets
Sharks over Predators
Hawks over Ducks
Oilers over Stars
Canucks over Wild

Theisen’s Picks (season so far 39-47)

Devils over Canes
Bruins over Rangers
Senators over Sabres
Lightning over Canadiens
Capitals over Panthers
Jets over Flyers
Predators over Sharks
Ducks over Hawks (first regulation loss!)
Oilers over Stars
Canucks over Wild

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