My (Failed) Attempt To Get Bill Simmons To Write For "America’s White Boy"

I read on Deadspin that Bill Simmons would like to start up a website and become the underdog once again. He is currently under contract with ESPN, but this is something that he could possibly do once his contract ends. I am here to offer him a position here at America’s White Boy. Why spend the capital to start a new website when you have a fairly okay one right here. I have to admit, he probably has more perks at ESPN, even if he is rarely in Bristol, CT. Here is my failed attempt at luring Bill Simmons to write for us.

“America’s White Boy” isn’t the biggest sports blog on the internet, it’s only has a page rank of 4 on Google, but hey I won’t censor you. You can talk about basically anything, I’ll allow it. If you want to write a 540,000 word post about how Christina Hendricks’ boobs are better than Salma Hayek’s boobs, go ahead! You could even invite a porn star in your fantasy basketball league, although considering your possible bad blood with your soon-to-be former employer ESPN, you may have to use Yahoo for your league.

You probably won’t be able to land huge interviews for podcasts, I don’t have the bandwith for downloads. Although I will give you creative freedom to do some nice “Top 10” posts, I hear they do well on Digg and Reddit. Think about it…

As far as pay goes, you have enough money, right? “The Book Of Basketball” is going sell a few million copies and I’m sure you’ll end up as an NBA GM at some point. I know the Milwaukee gig didn’t work out, but once the Zombie Sonics GM quits, the job is all yours. Also, please disregard my post on Gunaxin.com about your possible General Manager position with an NBA team. It was meant as tongue-in-cheek, like your constant ribbing of Mike Dunleavy. If you get enough traffic, maybe I can get a pair of Columbus Crew tickets, ’cause I hear that you like soccer.

I have one condition of employment, you would have to move to Columbus, OH. I know, it could be a dealbreaker, but I have to know what my possible employers are doing. I do watch NFL games every weekend, but I doubt my 27-inch Sanyo television compares to Jimmy Kimmel’s set-up, but hey, free Raising Cane’s chicken fingers and White Castle to eat and all the Old Style that you can drink.

In closing, I am the definition of an underdog. I am an accountant during the day and I write for three websites at night. I would write if only one person would read my posts. Sure, I do get some advertising money, but I’ve used it to upgrade my laptop, buy my URL, and be able to attend a blogger conference this weekend. I write to explain my point of view and I hope to make a career out of it at some point. If it’s either here on this site or somewhere else, I love writing. I have been a sports fan since I was a little boy and my fondess memories were watching Chicago Cubs games with my dad. I know athletes aren’t perfect and most are barely role models, but there are times that I forget that and get lost in games that make me feel like a kid again. To modify a quote from “Almost Famous,”What Do I love about sports?….Everything.”

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A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

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