All White Boy Fantasy Football Team

Since our name is “America’s White Boy” we embrace white boys representing in professional sports. I use the term “white boy” meaning guys who are “country” and kind of don’t fit into the normal stereotypes of being a cocky, big city athlete. Who will make the pasty, pale, All-White Boy Fantasy Football Team? Check it out.

This team is going to be realistic, so for example, I won’t have Tom Brady and Peyton Manning on the team, since you wouldn’t be able to get both of those players in a draft. Plus, Tom Brady is too city and any man who can land Gisele Bundchen, doesn’t fit our definition of a “white boy.” Here is the list…


Peyton Manning
Jake Delhomme

Manning and Delhomme were easy picks at quarterback. Manning is Southern and probably owns a few John Deeres and Delhomme is cajun and he sounds like assistant coach from “The Waterboy.” Jay Cutler could fit this role too, but probably couldn’t land him and Manning on the same team.

Running Backs

Jacob Hester
Peyton Hillis

This is weakest part of the team, there aren’t any John Riggins or even a Travis Jervey. You can pick these guys in one of the last rounds. Hester could vulture some touchdowns from Tomlinson and Darren Sproles in San Diego. Hillis could see signficant time in Denver this season, but they are both definitely white boys.

Wide Receiver

Wes Welker
Kevin Walter
Jordy Nelson
Brandon Stokley

There some decent white boy options at wide receiver. Welker will get 100 receptions and Walter had a great year for the Texans last year. Nelson is a sleeper for me this year and Stokley is good for some points, if he stays healthy, plus he’s a family friend of the Mannings, +1 white boy points.

Tight Ends

Chris Cooley
Jeremy Shockey

This position is probably the most easy to fill. Cooley fits our definition, heck he accidently took a picture of his wang and he posted it on his blog on accident. Shockey has an american flag/bald eagle tattoo on his arm, that alone puts him on our team. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a Miller High-Life girl tattoo on his other arm somewhere. He also ended up in the hospital this off-season after sitting by the pool and drinking in the heat for too long. He would probably be in the inaugural class of the White Boy Hall of Fame.


John Kasay

I would have picked John Carney here, because he is four years older than Kasay, but Carney will be out of a job once Garrett Hartley comes back from suspension. They have both kicked forever and I think I’ve had either him or Carney on a fantasy team for the last 15 years. If Morten Anderson comes back this year at all, substitute him on your team.


Minnesota Vikings

I picked them because of one person, Jared Allen. The guy is a walking advertisement for Budweiser and Kodiak tobacco. He is such a mountain man/country boy that I would bet that he hangs out with Ted Nugent. Also, Chad Greenway is on the team, he played college ball at Iowa, I’m sure he can use a 22-gauge shotgun before he knew how to read.

I hope you like our team, it was a lot of fun to put it together. Let me know if anyone actually makes this squad their actual team. If you do and prove it, maybe I can put together a prize pack and send it to you.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

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