Michael Phelps Is A Dolphin

I am very excited to witness history tonight, but someone should check Michael Phelps for a blow-hole and/or gills. I know the kid looks like the bastard son of Eli Manning and Jim from “The Office,” but he is a beast. What he did in these Olympics is just staggering. The last time an American Olympian garnered this kind of buzz was Michael Johnson back in ’96 or maybe the Dan vs. Dave ad campaign that kind of hit the fan.

Phelps got his 8th gold medal at the Beijing Olympics tonight and he needed his fellow team members to help him. Not only did he have 8 gold medals, he broke 7 world records in the process. He will be the next Lance Armstrong, meaning that he will be America’s Superhero. He will have to decide what cause he will be backing and what color bracelet he will choose to sell.

The final total for Michael Phelps in his Olympic career is 16 total medals, 14 of them being gold. He is still a young man, so the 2012 Olympics could be in his future. I feel like he should always wear American flag clothing from this point on. Look for him to start dating a famous actress within the next calendar year.

A Sports & Entertainment blog that focuses on absurdity in sports, snarky banter, updates on Tim Tebow’s virginity, and decent sports gambling advice.

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